12 helpful ways to deal with a moody boyfriend

Moody guy problems are often difficult for couples to resolve, especially if a woman is the one who usually does all the emotional heavy lifting.

If any of you have tried everything to help your men, and you still feel like you are spinning your wheels, it may be time to look at the bigger picture.

Here are 12 helpful ways to deal with a moody boyfriend.

1) Listen without judgment and offer support

When a guy is upset, he usually doesn’t have time to listen and unload all of his pent-up emotions.

He’s too distracted and too upset to do much besides express how angry he is, or how unhappy he is at being asked about this, that, or the other.

It takes some emotional courage for a woman to sit on the other side of his couch and listen to him rant about one thing after another for hours on end.

The key is to listen without expressing your own angry feelings.

If you are listening and he is upset, but no progress is being made on the problem, you should say something like “I’m right here when you need me.”

It will make it easier for him to move past his upset feelings and onward in a productive way.

2) Be firm when necessary but also allow for leniency


A moody guy can shift from happy to mad or mad to depressed and back again in the blink of an eye.

When he is mad he is usually not thinking clearly or acting mature and reasonable.

When he is sad or depressed, he may be acting like a little boy – throwing a fit or sulking.

Be firm with your man, but also show him that you still love him.

You can say things like: “I don’t care what you do, but I’m telling you this is not acceptable. You are going to stop acting like this right now.”

Or, “You can do whatever you want to do, and I won’t stop you. But I am telling you this is not acceptable. You are going to stop acting like this right now.”

It will be more effective if you use some firmness but also some compassion in your approach.

3) Discuss the issue with someone he trusts

If the problem is serious, or if the problem has been going on for some time, it’s probably a good idea to discuss it with someone that he trusts.

This could be a relative, a close friend, or his pastor.

The point of bringing in an outsider is not to punish your man further; but rather to help him see his own shortcomings and then get some help resolving them.

For example:

If your boyfriend is acting like a little kid and throwing a tantrum, you may want to bring in his brother or father.

Or if he is unable to take care of small financial issues such as child support, or house payments, you may want to bring in a family member that he trusts.

Sometimes the problem will be resolved when your boyfriend talks it out with someone outside the situation.

4) Bring out his inner hero

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Another helpful way to help your guy with his “moody guy” problems is to bring out his inner hero.

There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the ‘hero instinct’.

This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.

I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.

The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.

When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.

But how do you trigger this instinct in him?

The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.

If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.

I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.

Here’s a link to his unique video again.

5) Join a support group for partners of people dealing with mood disorders

Think about this for a moment:

Over 50 million people in the United States are affected by anxiety and mood disorders.

And you can find some good support groups through organizations such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).

The purpose of these support groups is to help partners get out of emotional overdrive, so they can cope with their partner’s problems in a healthier way.

If your boyfriend has an issue with depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder you may try attending one of these meetings.

Also, you can usually find meetings at your local hospital, or at your local college campus.

I would encourage you to attend these meetings in order to help strengthen your bond with him.

6) Set some ground rules

A lot of women are hesitant to set any type of rules because they want to be respectful, or they feel like they want to maintain their freedom.

But the truth is that setting some ground rules can help you, and his moods.

It will make your life more predictable, and it will make it easier for him to take care of himself.

It all depends on the situation and whether your man is a willing participant – or not.

Here are some questions to help determine what type of rules you might want to set for your boyfriend:

  • Is he a habitual late-night-lover?
  • Should you expect him to be home at a specific time or only every other night?
  • Should there be a limit on how many nights he can come home late? If so, how long would this be?
  • Does he feel like having alcohol with you?
  • Do you have different ideas about which friends he should or shouldn’t hang out with?

Set some rules and be specific.

7) Watch your relationship through a third-party lens

This can sound odd, but it’s actually a very effective way.

It’s a good idea to watch your relationship through a third-party lens.

That means you should examine how your boyfriend looks when he interacts with his friends and his coworkers. And then observe how these people describe him to you.

You should also make an effort to evaluate how he reacts or behaves in different social situations.

With all this in mind, you can get some clues about whether something is going on.

Here’s an example:

Say you notice that your boyfriend doesn’t have a lot of friends, and he tends to get frustrated and annoyed by them.

This could be a sign that he’s not happy with himself or it could be an indicator of some deeper issues.

If you think there is a problem, then it’s probably time to seek some professional help.

8) Make sure he knows how much he means to you by sending short, loving messages daily

This is a great way to show your boyfriend that he means the world to you and that you have his best interests at heart.

It’s also a great way to boost his self-esteem, and confidence and even help him with his moody behavior.

Want to know the best part?

It can trigger his inner hero!

This relates back to what I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.

When a man is made to feel needed, wanted, and respected, he’s more likely to stop being moody.

And it’s as simple as knowing the right things to say to trigger his hero instinct and make him into the man he’s always wanted to be.

All of that and more is revealed in this excellent free video by James Bauer. It’s absolutely worth checking out if you’re ready to take things to the next level with your man.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

9) Consider getting a new pet – it can make all the difference!

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If you’re looking into ways to help your boyfriend, but you don’t know quite where to start, then you may want to consider getting a pet.

In a lot of cases, people with mood disorders (such as depression) experience more symptoms when they live alone.

It’s important that you have people in your life who support you and your needs.

If you get a pet, it can be a great way to provide that sense of support for your man.

The reason why is because animals can provide you with unconditional love.

They don’t judge, and they don’t criticize or blame you for your mistakes.

They’re simply there for you and that’s why they’re one of the best ways to help someone suffering from depression.

It can also be a way to show him how much he means to you.

10) Learn how to take care of your needs and be more independent

If your boyfriend is struggling with his mood disorders, he will be more likely to turn to you for help.

And then you’ll be in the uncomfortable position of helping him when you’re not feeling up to it.

As a result, he could feel even more frustrated and angry at you for asking for help.

It’s important that you learn how to take care of yourself so that you can be able to cope with him when the time comes.

You don’t have to go out and buy expensive clothes or travel alone.

Just try to do something nice for yourself.

For example, maybe you need a haircut and you haven’t had one in a while. So why not treat yourself to a new hairdo?

It will make you feel more confident and happy, which will positively affect your man as well.

11) Accept the fact that he’s moody sometimes but always loves you

Trust me, when a man is moody, there’s nothing more frustrating than being told that you’re the one who’s making him like that.

It can be hard to believe this at first, but the truth is that he will never intentionally make you feel bad.

No matter what is going on inside his head, he wants to make you happy.

Try not to take it personally when something triggers his moodiness and just let him know that you love him no matter what.

One of the most effective ways to show him that you’re there for him is to give him space.

It can be hard, but it’s worth it because he will come back with a new perspective on life.

12) Cut off contact for a while if things have become too unbearable for both of you

If all else fails, it may be time to cut off your relationship for a while.

This decision will hurt, but it’s one that you have to make so that both of you can get some distance and start healing.

If you’re not willing to put in the work on your relationship or if things have become too hard and too unbearable for you, then he probably won’t, either.

In that case, it’s better to end things now than to let things go on for another minute.

This is a difficult decision and you may even struggle with it, but ultimately, it’s the best thing you can do for yourself and him.

Even if he doesn’t agree with this idea, you’ll have to make the decision one way or another because you need some time apart so that you can go back to functioning as a healthy couple again.

Don’t be afraid to make the decision and stick to it, especially if you see that he’s not making any progress.

Final thoughts

I hope that this article has helped you to learn more about how you can deal with your moody boyfriend.

The key is to not get discouraged when things don’t seem to be going well.

A mood disorder isn’t something that he can just snap out of on his own.

He needs your help and support, so try not to take it personally if he snaps at you or gets annoyed with you from time to time.

But remember that there’s another effective way to help him with this moody behavior.

Well, I mentioned the unique concept of the hero instinct earlier. It’s revolutionized the way I understand how men work in relationships.

You see, when you trigger a man’s hero instinct, all those emotional walls come down. He feels better in himself and he’ll naturally begin to associate those good feelings with you.

And it’s all down to knowing how to trigger these innate drivers that motivate men to love, commit, and protect.

So if you’re ready to take your relationship to that level, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.

Click here to watch his excellent free video.

Picture of Thảo Anh Nguyễn

Thảo Anh Nguyễn

It is the little daily things that make life worth living and I know how to put you in the right perspective. I write about the intersection of life and love: how spirituality has changed my relationships, what I do to cultivate love in my life, and why I believe that all relationships are spiritual. Meet all your needs for your relationship and pieces of life advice with my articles.

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