So, you have a bad feeling that your girlfriend doesn’t respect you, and that is causing a lot of friction in your relationship.
You feel disrespected by her on a regular basis, and you don’t know how to get things back on track.
If this sounds familiar, don’t worry because a lot of people face the same issue at some point in their relationships.
That’s why you need practical solutions to this problem if you want your relationship to move forward sooner rather than later.
Are you wondering what you should do when your girlfriend doesn’t respect you? Here are 10 important things you need to do if this is your situation.
1) Take a step back and look at the big picture
Did you know that respect is considered the fundamental base of most relationships?
Well, based on scientific studies, respect is what brings couples closer to one another and helps them build healthy and happy relationships.
But sadly, you don’t feel respect from your girlfriend anymore, so you’re probably wondering how to get it back.
So, the first thing you need to do is look at the big picture and accept that your relationship isn’t where you want it to be.
Why?
Sometimes the issue isn’t our girlfriend’s disrespect. What if you became too distant from her? What if something is going on in her life and you don’t know about it?
These are some of the questions you should ask yourself in order to determine whether or not your relationship is salvageable.
To deal with this situation, you need to take a step back and look at the big picture.
The first thing that you need to do is to ask yourself if your girlfriend really doesn’t respect you or if she just doesn’t respect your opinions.
There is a very thin line between these two things, which makes it difficult for you to tell whether your girlfriend disrespects your opinions or not.
For example, she might say that she respects your opinion but then ignore it when it comes time for her to make a decision.
If this is what is happening in your relationship, then there is no point in trying to teach her about respect because she doesn’t know what it means.
Instead, you will have more success with changing the way that she treats you by working on some basic communication skills and teaching her how to treat people with respect in general.
Or she might say that she respects your opinions but doesn’t respond to them or, even worse, doesn’t listen to you when you’re talking.
In either case, looking at things from a bigger perspective is always a great way to see what’s actually happening in your relationship.
That way, you’ll find it easier to find proper solutions and realize how you should react to regain her respect and rebuild your relationship.
2) Don’t take her disrespect personally
Once you notice she doesn’t respect you anymore, you immediately think that it’s directly because of your personality, right?
But you know what?
It turns out that sometimes your girlfriend’s disrespectful behavior isn’t directed at you personally (in other words, it’s not about disrespecting your opinions).
If your girlfriend doesn’t respect you, then it’s important to understand that her disrespect isn’t about you.
The way she is treating you is a reflection of who she is, but it’s not a reflection of who you are.
In this case, the next thing that you should do is try and figure out what is causing this behavior in the first place.
There are many different reasons why your girlfriend may be disrespecting you, and they have nothing to do with you.
For example, she may be disrespecting you because she is feeling overwhelmed in the relationship.
If this is the case, then she needs support and time to deal with her emotions rather than criticism for her bad behavior.
Or she might not be respectful because you stopped caring about her and your actions make her feel bad about your relationship.
Just think about it.
What’s more, if your girlfriend doesn’t respect you, then she may just be dealing with some issues from her past.
If this is the case, then you need to be patient with her as she works through these feelings.
So, here’s the thing:
You can’t take her disrespect personally because it has nothing to do with you.
Instead, you need to let her know that you want to help her and that you are there for her if she wants you to be.
3) Work on your self-esteem
Okay, let’s admit that one of the most common reasons why people feel disrespected in their relationships is having low self-esteem.
The reason is that not being confident in yourself might make you think that people around you perceive you as a weak individual who doesn’t deserve any respect.
And that’s why you perceive that your girlfriend doesn’t respect you.
But just think about her actions.
Don’t you remember the times she tried to help you whenever you felt down? Don’t you remember her support in your tough times?
The truth is that, as studies show, people with low self-esteem unintentionally encourage others to treat them poorly.
Sounds like you?
Well, the first thing you need to do is work on your self-esteem.
Stop thinking that your girlfriend doesn’t respect you because of her actions.
If she has ever done something that showed she didn’t respect you, it’s because you have done something that made her feel like she should disrespect you.
And if this is the case, then it means that both of you are responsible for the current situation.
But if your girlfriend never did anything disrespectful towards you, and she still doesn’t respect you even though she is trying to do everything right, chances are that it’s because of your low self-esteem.
The first thing to do is to fix this by working on your self-esteem and stopping thinking that people don’t respect you.
You need to understand that no one disrespects people they see as valuable individuals who deserve their respect.
But how can you work on your confidence?
To be honest, one of my male friends recently struggled with low self-esteem. He was stuck in his relationship, and I couldn’t convince him that her girlfriend actually cared about her.
Then, I remembered Kate Spring — an advisor who has helped thousands of men to sort out their relationships.
And guess what? Her free video about “the Obsession Method” inspired my friend and helped him to regain his confidence in his relationship.
He quickly realized that his girlfriend was actually supportive, and the problem was in his attitude.
I know it might sound hard to believe, but if I were you, I’d at least give this method a try!
Here’s a link to Kate’s free video again.
4) Don’t accuse her, try to understand what’s going on in her head
Want to know what one of the biggest mistakes you can make in this situation is?
Well, it’s accusing your girlfriend of not respecting you.
I’m not saying that I’m sure she doesn’t respect you and that you’re imagining things. The truth is that she can be. After all, why would you feel that way if nothing is going on between you?
But what if something else is going on in her head?
That’s why you should try and identify the real reason that makes you feel that your girlfriend doesn’t respect you.
Remember that if you want things between the two of you to go back to normal, then don’t accuse her because that will only make things worse.
Instead, try to understand what’s going on in her head and why she doesn’t respect you anymore.
For example, maybe she feels like she doesn’t have enough freedom and respect for herself as a person but doesn’t know how to communicate this with you.
The key here is not to blame her for everything that is happening in your relationship.
It’s a known fact that blaming people for everything we don’t like in our relationship doesn’t help us get rid of those issues.
And this makes things worse because it prevents us from seeing reality as it is.
If we keep blaming others for what we don’t like about our relationships, then we will never be able to improve them.
But if you are blaming your girlfriend for all the problems in your relationship, then you are probably not seeing reality as it is: she might be doing her best to make you happy, but she just can’t do something she doesn’t feel like doing.
So, try to identify what’s going on first, and even if she really disrespects you, you need to be more understanding before taking any particular action.
5) Figure out what caused the disrespect in the first place
That’s what I meant when I told you not to take any action before identifying what’s actually causing the problem.
You have to figure out what’s causing your girlfriend not to respect you, and then you should deal with it accordingly.
For example, if your girlfriend doesn’t respect you because she thinks that you don’t take care of her well enough, then the first thing you need to do is reassure her that she is wrong about this issue.
Or the problem might be the fact that you don’t listen to her well enough, and that you don’t care about what she has to say.
Sounds like your situation?
If that’s the case, then you should start showing her that you care about her opinions and that you are willing to listen to what she has to say.
You have to figure out what’s causing the disrespect in the first place so that you can solve it. You can’t just ignore it and hope that it will go away on its own. That’s a bad approach.
Why?
It’s simple — if you don’t know why she doesn’t respect you, you’ll never know how to solve the problem.
I mean, regardless of the disease, we should always try to find the root cause and treat it, instead of working on some symptoms, right?
Well, even though this is the therapeutic approach, trust me, it actually works with romantic relationships too!
So, here’s the thing:
You need to figure out what’s causing your girlfriend not to respect you. Once you know what exactly is causing it, you can act accordingly.
6) Be honest about your feelings
Do you know what’s the easiest thing to do when your girlfriend doesn’t respect you?
Lie. You can pretend everything is fine, and you can deny that she is disrespecting you at all.
But if you do this, your relationship will never improve, and she is going to keep doing the same thing over and over again.
Instead of trying to cover it up, be honest about how you feel.
Tell her that you feel disrespected by her behavior, and ask her what she can do to make things better. It’s the only way to get back on track in your relationship.
Give her a chance to change before making any decisions
It’s easy to assume that things are never going to get better when your girlfriend doesn’t respect you. And it’s also easy for the frustration of not being respected by someone close to you to consume your thoughts every day.
So, if you aren’t happy in your relationship, then it would be a good idea to admit this to yourself and to your girlfriend.
You need to be honest about how you feel. And being honest about how you feel doesn’t mean that you are trying to start a fight or break up with her.
It just means that you are being upfront with her about the fact that you aren’t happy in the relationship.
You can let her know that you aren’t happy because she isn’t treating you in the way that you need to be treated.
By being honest about your feelings, you will let her know that you are trying to fix the problem by bringing it out in the open. She will then have the opportunity to change her behavior so that you are happy again.
So how can you be honest about your feelings in this case?
It’s easy. Just help her understand why you feel disrespected.
The best thing you can do is to sit down with her and talk through her behavior.
Explain to her why you feel disrespected and let her know what you need from the relationship.
For example, if you need more intimacy in the relationship, then tell her this.
Why so?
Because if she doesn’t respect you, there’s a good chance that she doesn’t even realize that she is neglecting your needs.
By talking through your needs, she will have the opportunity to change her behavior so that it is more respectful toward you.
So, if you want to save your relationship, don’t jump to conclusions too quickly. Give her a chance to change before making any decisions about the future of your relationship.
7) Don’t be afraid to walk away
Believe it or not, sometimes walking away might be the best solution when your girlfriend doesn’t respect you.
I know what you’re thinking now — you love her and you don’t want to break up with her. After all, that’s why you’re looking for solutions, right?
But I’m not here to tell you to break up with your girlfriend even if she doesn’t respect you.
However, you shouldn’t be afraid to walk away.
Let me explain how this works.
If your girlfriend doesn’t respect you and you are committed to making the relationship work, then you need to be willing to walk away if she doesn’t change her behavior.
It’s important to tell her that you are committed to the relationship, but it’s also important to let her know that you won’t stick around if she doesn’t change the way she treats you.
Your girlfriend may be disrespectful because she is afraid that you will break up with her if she doesn’t change.
If this is the case, then you need to let her know that you aren’t planning to break up with her just because she isn’t treating you the way you need to be treated.
You need to show her that you are willing to walk away from the relationship if she doesn’t change her behavior.
This will make her more likely to change and show that she respects you.
Why so?
Because your girlfriend may not respect you, but she will respect the fact that you are willing to walk away from the relationship.
But how can you walk away without ending the relationship and breaking up with her?
I agree, this sounds tricky, but why don’t you just pull yourself a bit away from her?
The thing is that, whenever we fear we’re going to lose something, we immediately feel that we need it almost ten times more!
This means that if you pull away, she’ll realize how much she needs you and start doing something to get you back.
8) Show her how you want to be treated
As I already mentioned, being honest about your feelings will help her realize that she’s being disrespectful toward you.
But now you also need to let her know what exactly you want from the relationship and how you expect her to treat you.
Because guess what?
If you don’t say anything, she will continue to disrespect you because she doesn’t really know what you want.
So, you need to let her know what you expect from her in terms of the way she treats you.
Show her how you want to be treated by letting her know what you need from her in terms of communication, intimacy, and everything else.
For example, if you need greater intimacy in the relationship, then explain to her why you feel this way.
So, here’s the thing:
Ask for what you need from your relationship.
Before you can deal with the problem of your girlfriend’s lack of respect, you need to know what you need from your relationship.
If you aren’t happy because your girlfriend doesn’t respect you, then you need to figure out what you want to change in order to resolve the issue.
You might want to communicate with her about what you need from your relationship.
She needs to hear it from you directly.
Take all the time you need to explain this to her, and if necessary, use specific examples of what you mean.
This will help her understand your point of view and make the necessary changes.
Don’t expect a quick fix for this problem, though – it won’t happen immediately, but if she’s willing to change, then after a while things will get better.
9) Stop trying to control her behavior and start changing yourself first
Let me take a wild guess.
You’re blaming your girlfriend because she doesn’t respect you, and that it’s her fault entirely.
But ask yourself: what is the real reason why she doesn’t respect you?
Is it because she has low self-esteem and she’s not respecting herself?
Or is it because of something you are doing that is causing her to lose respect for you?
Maybe all this is related to the way you treat her and the way you try to control her actions.
Now, if the above is true, be honest with yourself – is the following true as well?
You don’t treat her with respect, and you feel the need to control her behavior.
You want to control how she dresses, where she goes, what she eats, and who she talks to.
Okay, I might be exaggerating, but you should know that this is an extremely bad decision to act this way because the more you try to control her, the more respect she loses for you and for herself as well.
And before long, you’re headed towards the end of your relationship.
It’s not easy to admit that we are wrong in our relationships, but if you want things to get better, then it is important that you start looking at yourself first before pointing fingers at your girlfriend.
Stop blaming her for disrespecting you and start respecting yourself first by letting go of all your bad habits and toxic behaviors that might be causing problems in your relationship.
I know that it’s easy to get mad at your girlfriend for disrespecting you and point fingers, but that won’t help resolve the problem.
Trust me — I’ve seen that happen before. It doesn’t look good when guys start blaming their girlfriends for everything they personally do wrong in their relationships.
I’ve even been on the receiving end, and I really wished he had had that power and awareness to look inwards, rather than blaming me.
To start the process of looking inward, try out this free Love and Intimacy Masterclass.
It’s led by Rudá Iandé, a world famous shaman who has helped thousands like you to become better acquainted with their own thoughts and feels, in doing so nurturing their relationships.
Sometimes you need a helping hand and a guiding voice to prompt change. It’s not always so easy starting out when you don’t even know where to look.
Rudá’s exercises lead you to reflect to a far greater degree than just thinking about it on the morning commute and deciding her not worth your time.
Click here to access the free masterclass and try it for yourself.
Do the work. Use resources like this class, but also keep in mind that you have to be patient and that she might not even realize that she is disrespecting you at times.
She might just see things differently than you do, but she doesn’t mean anything bad by doing so.
So, take responsibility for your actions first before expecting others to.
And remember: if you want your girlfriend to start respecting you, then stop blaming her and start changing yourself first.
10) Show your girlfriend respect every day
And finally, the best thing you can do when your girlfriend doesn’t respect you is to show her respect for yourself.
That’s how the norm of reciprocity works!
What does it mean?
Well, it’s a popular term in social psychology, which means that whenever someone does something to us, we naturally return the exact amount of favor.
And the same goes for relationships.
If you show her respect, she won’t have any choice but to feel the urge to return it.
That’s why I think it might be a good idea for you to show your girlfriend respect on a daily basis if she doesn’t respect you as much as she should.
For example, if your girlfriend doesn’t think highly of your personality because of some mistakes in your past, then it might be a good idea for you to show her respect by apologizing for those mistakes and by trying not to make them again in the future.
And you know what else?
It’s likely that, if you feel disrespected by her, then chances are she feels the same way about you.
So, if you want to get back on track and rebuild your relationship, start by showing her respect.
You can do this with your words, but even more importantly, with your actions.
If she notices that you are treating her with respect, she will likely follow suit and treat you with the same kind of respect in return.
But keep in mind something else as well:
It’s not just about showing respect. You need to make sure that your girlfriend knows how much she means to you.
When your girlfriend doesn’t respect you anymore, it means that she doesn’t feel valued by you anymore. She feels like what she does for the relationship isn’t appreciated by you.
That’s why she loses respect for the relationship and for the person who is in it with her.
That’s why a lot of people make the mistake of thinking that their girlfriends don’t love them anymore when they actually still do; they just don’t feel loved by their boyfriends any longer.
So, show her respect and let her know how much she means to you. Trust me, this will immediately make her respect you more than ever before!
Final thoughts
All in all, mutual respect is the key to success in any kind of relationship. And the same applies to you!
If your girlfriend doesn’t respect you, then it’s important that you take action to resolve the situation.
Hopefully, these strategies will help you to improve your relationship and get back on track.
But remember that you can only fix this problem if you respect your girlfriend enough to demand the same from her!
