22 ways to date a married man without getting hurt (no bullsh*t)

So, you’ve been looking at this guy who is married, and you simply cannot resist him?

But you don’t want to get hurt.

Even though it is a pretty tricky situation, there are 22 ways to date a married man without getting hurt!

1) Don’t make yourself available all the time

It is easy to get caught up in being the other woman who is waiting on a call from him.

Make sure you set some boundaries and make sure he knows that you have a life outside of a relationship with him.

When a married man can’t get a hold of you, or he has to wait for you to come back to him, it makes the relationship look more important and makes him think about you more and respect your time as you respect his.

It all comes down to this – the more you respect yourself, the more you will be respected by him.

It’s important that you have a life outside of the relationship.

This way, you will be able to keep some sort of stability in your life and avoid the risk of getting caught up in all of it without the possibility of finding a way out.

Make sure you take care of yourself because if he doesn’t do it for himself, he’s not going to do it for you.

You can’t afford to sacrifice your own self-worth and self-esteem. It is your job to do what you can to keep a sense of control and stability.

2) Be mysterious

Don’t tell the whole world that he is your man. In fact, don’t tell anyone who you are seeing until something serious develops between the two of you.

The more people know, the easier it will be to get involved in various lies and stories.

The truth is, if you tell one person, it will soon spread, and everyone will be familiar with your relationship.

Once the relationship is out in the open, it isn’t long before everyone will learn about it and ask questions.

This way, people will all be wondering who you are dating and what he does for a living.

Eventually, his wife will also hear about it, which may end up pretty badly.

Try to keep your relationship with him as private as possible and save the extra attention for someone who is truly worth it.

By keeping your relationship private, you will prevent hearing all sorts of negative comments about the relationship.

No matter how it seems, it is better to keep your secrets to yourself and not go around telling people what you’re doing.

It will be very easy for people to say bad things about him being a married man, which may make him think twice before pursuing the relationship further.

Even if you do end up telling someone (and I say this as a warning), never tell them that he is married because talking about this kind of thing has a huge potential of causing problems.

3) Don’t tell him that you love him

Many women who date married men never tell them they truly love them because they are scared of getting hurt.

As long as you don’t let your life revolve around this guy, you will be fine.

If you start thinking about love and the possibility to stay together, that will instantly increase the risk of you getting hurt, and you will back out of the relationship.

Avoid using the word “love” because it will only make each day harder for both of you.

Think of this relationship as an opportunity to spend some wonderful moments together until everything is over and both of you go back to your lives and obligations.

Being aware that it won’t last forever will help you overcome the possible difficulties that may arise in the future.

4) Make sure that he is not just using you for sex

Affairs usually start because of the strong physical attraction, but because the partners see it as a sweet escape, it usually evolves into feeling strong emotions.

This is why it is necessary to keep your eyes open to his intentions.

If you are not ok with booty calls late at night whenever he feels like it, make sure he knows that he cannot treat you like that.

Always have in mind what you are ready to give and what you are not ready to allow. It all comes down to boundaries.

I know it is easier said than done, but it is not impossible either. This is why it is necessary to keep your conversations about the future to a minimum.

Try not to spend too much time talking about the future because it is useless to talk about it.

When things are going well in your relationship, celebrate every success and keep it that way by avoiding conversations that could potentially lead you into trouble.

5) Don’t put pressure on him

The reason many women get hurt is that they expect the married man to divorce his wife and marry them.

There is no way of knowing how long it will take before he can leave his wife, and if he never does, you might end up hurting yourself, so don’t put all your eggs into one basket.

Let him be if he is still in love with his wife, don’t get mad at him if he spends more time with his kids than you.

Just do what you have to do and leave the rest to his conscience.

Make sure you have a life outside of this relationship and when it’s over, make sure to nurture your friendships so you can have someone to rely on when things get tough.

It is not easy to think about these things when you are in love and crazy about each other, but it is the best thing to do.

Keep in mind that his family will always be his priority, and you would probably start thinking less of him if it was otherwise.

Talking about divorce or marriage often makes your partner feel as if you are trying to rush things in a way that pushes them even more away.

Trying to persuade him in any possible way will only make matters worse, so it is better just not to talk about it at all.

6) Don’t let your emotions hurdle over logic

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When your emotions overtake your logic, it becomes difficult for you to make decisions about the relationship.

If you cannot resolve a simple disagreement between the two of you, then it becomes extremely easy for the severed relationship to turn into one that can no longer be repaired.

You may be tempted to offer your selfless support, but don’t try to solve all his problems.

It is true that we are all human beings, and we all have our ups and downs, but if you try to solve every problem of his, he is just going to take advantage of you.

He knows that he has a good thing, don’t let him push you into thinking that it was your fault if one day the relationship fails.

Every person is responsible for taking care of their own life.

7) Don’t allow yourself to get jealous or possessive

When your emotions take over, and you start feeling jealous, possessive, and feel all sorts of crazy emotions, it becomes difficult for both of you to make proper decisions in relation to each other.

It sounds simple, but it isn’t, I get it.

However, if you make an effort to keep your emotions out of everything, then you will be free to make decisions that will benefit both of you.

8) Don’t allow yourself to be controlled by a man

The reason why you are flirting with a married man is that he makes you feel great.

If he starts controlling you and your life, it is not a relationship anymore; it is more like a hostage situation where the hostage-taker wants to get as much as possible from you before his wife comes back home.

This is something that will make you feel awful in the long run, so keep in mind that you don’t have to put up with what he demands.

Use your instincts to decide when it is time to leave.

As long as both of you are aware of the type of relationship you are in, this relationship can work out just fine.

9) Try not to dream about life together

Relationships take work and commitment.

If the guy you like is already committed to someone else, dreaming about something serious can only hurt you.

No matter how much you try to dream about the future, it never works out.

You can always end up getting hurt, so it is your responsibility to prevent it if possible.

If you cannot prevent it, then try to take a step back and ask yourself if he is really worth the risk.

You are bound to lose your mind if you continue to imagine something that is impossible.

Even if things are going well between the two of you, it might not mean anything, but once everything goes wrong, things get tough, and trust is lost.

Always expect the worst, and if it comes, then you will be ready to deal with it.

10) Don’t expect him to leave his wife for you

It is always a good idea that you don’t expect him to leave his wife for you because this will only end up in disappointment for you and for him.

The best thing that can happen to both of you is being just friends with benefits.

If he is not ready to leave his wife, then it isn’t going to happen, so don’t try to force it.

One can only get hurt in situations like that.

Besides, would you feel good if you knew for sure that one marriage ended because of you?

I thought so. Well, I hope this will help you realize that true love doesn’t happen overnight.

True love takes a lifetime, so just let him be.

Chances are you will meet someone who will be willing to change his life for you.

Don’t try to change him because as much as we would like to make it possible, it is just not going to happen.

11) Don’t give him a key to your heart

A married man who is involved with a woman who he can’t get at all times will spend as much time with her as possible.

He will invest time, energy, and money into developing a connection with her so that she will never leave him.

If you want him to spend a little bit more time with you, make sure that you don’t give him your whole heart and expect him to appreciate it.

He won’t. He will just end up being scared that you will endanger his family life.

In order to prevent that and enjoy this connection while it lasts, simply avoid talking about feelings or future plans.

Don’t give him a key to your heart because he doesn’t deserve it.

12) Make sure he is not just using you

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When you start a relationship with a married man, the last thing you want is to be involved in the story where his wife finds out, and she tells all your friends and family.

If this happened, you could lose all your friends and family, which would only cause more damage to your life.

It is true that I never said that you should not be involved in his life, but if he starts using you, then it isn’t going to last long.

Keep your eyes open for clues and you will be able to realize if he is only using you because he might not have the courage to leave his wife.

13) Don’t talk about your relationship with anyone

If you start talking to someone else about your relationship with a married man, there is always the possibility that you will give away too much information.

This will only open up the possibility of the story being revealed to his wife or someone else involved in the situation.

Keep in mind that people are not exactly fans of knowing that someone’s marriage is being broken, especially with the person they know.

However, don’t let the guilt take the best of you because many people do all kinds of things they are not proud of. It is just very well hidden.

14) Be realistic

You need to be realistic when thinking about how long it will take before he can leave his wife for you or if there is any possibility for him to do so.

If you think about this too much and become obsessed, you can lose a lot of friends.

You need to do your best to organize your life in the best way possible, so in case he decides to break up, you can always have people who love you and who can support you through a difficult period in life.

15) Be confident about yourself

The reason why women get hurt after dating a married man is that they start feeling insecure about themselves, their looks, and their skills in relationships.

You must be sure about what you have to offer before you go after any married man and what you need to do to protect yourself.

Confidence is a major factor here because the better you feel about yourself, the less you will be willing to tolerate when a married man starts to demand more of you.

You need to know who you are and what you want in life before trying to get a married man in your life.

16) Be honest with yourself and him

If you start lying to the man about your life, he will most likely find out at some point, and it will only cause more damage to your relationship.

Being honest is the best option because then you will be able to spend more time with him without any problems.

You can start by admitting to him that even though you think you are able to handle a situation like this, there are some things that might work against you.

You need to be sure that what you want and what you think is the best for your relationship, but it is up to him to not let it endanger his marriage.

17) Never give up on what is good for you

Don’t worry about what he wants because he might not want the same things as you do.

There is a big difference between being interested in someone and wanting that person.

You need to know the difference so that if he decides that he doesn’t want to stay with his wife anymore, you know what you are willing to give to make a relationship work or not.

18) Make sure that you are happy

Just because you have fallen in love with someone, it doesn’t mean that you have to make all the decisions for them.

When your emotions overtake your logic and make it harder to think straight and make good decisions, it might seem like the relationship is going downhill fast, and that is a mistake, so don’t get stuck there.

Always keep in mind that there is a reason why this man came into your life.

There is probably a lesson you should learn, so strive to make the most out of the situation and get to know yourself better.

Do everything you can to make a life that you will be able to enjoy and be happy.

The fact that you are involved now in a situation that is not exactly perfect doesn’t mean that it won’t turn in your favor.

19) Be prepared for the possible issues

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When you think about having a serious relationship with a married man, it is always good to think about the possibility of issues.

The better you can prepare yourself for whatever kind of issue might come up, the better you will be able to react appropriately.

You can be sure that he will want to end things at one point, or you may be fed up with the hiding and want something more.

No matter what happens, being aware of the possible issues will make it easier for you to react appropriately and make the best out of any situation.

Thinking about all the possible problems all the time may cause anxiety, but a little bit of caution wouldn’t hurt.

20) Be patient

If you want to enjoy this relationship and make sure that it lasts for as long as possible, you need to be patient.

Taking the initiative and asking him where does this relationship stand is never a good idea because he will most likely get scared and feel the pressure, which in turn can only cause more damage.

Let him approach you first and let him set the pace of your relationship, but also be ready to take control if things get out of hand.

It is your responsibility to make sure to make the most out of this situation.

You need to know what you are comfortable with and where do you need to draw the line.

21) Don’t let him play mind games with you

You know when your boyfriend or lover is doing this because it is impossible for you to forget about it.

You will start to feel like you are going nuts, and the person will only get more satisfaction from it.

This is when you need to stop communicating with him or, at least, start communicating less with him until he stops playing these mind games with you.

Try not to be fooled by his lies, because when a married man wants to have a relationship with you, he needs to lie about his marriage and basically create the image that he never wants to go back to his life as a married man.

Keep in mind that this is probably a lie, so don’t get too worked up about it.

It can only prevent you from having peace of mind, so it is up to you to do everything you can to avoid any possible situation like this.

22) Ask for space whenever you need it

No matter how much he wants to be with you all the time, and even if he is the most dependable man in your life, sometimes it is necessary for you to have some space.

The more space you have, the better you will be able to take care of yourself.

By controlling the amount of time you are spending together, you are actually controlling just how much power you are willing to give him.

Also, when you need to go out on your own, you won’t be thinking about him all the time and worrying if he is the right man for you, but instead, you will be able to enjoy your free time and think about yourself.

Spending time with your family and friends will give you the opportunity to get grounded and remove all the unrealistic expectations you had about yourself and him.

This is a good time to be by yourself, so you can start believing in yourself and communicate better with him when the time comes.

It is impossible to expect your relationship with a married man to work out when it has not even started yet, but if you are clear about where you stand, you can make it work.

That is why you need to stay away from his family and his friends as much as you can. They will only bring more complications into your life and into your relationship.

Final thoughts

The reason why a man who is married starts making bolder moves is either that he wants a relationship or because he wants to be with you more.

It is not easy to be involved with someone who is already taken and committed to family life.

If you notice that it is taking a toll on your life, it is necessary to take a step back and ground yourself as much as possible.

But I get it, letting those feelings out can be hard, especially if you’ve spent so long trying to stay in control of them.

If that’s the case, I highly recommend watching this free breathwork video, created by the shaman, Rudá Iandê.

Rudá isn’t another self-professed life coach. Through shamanism and his own life journey, he’s created a modern-day twist to ancient healing techniques.

The exercises in his invigorating video combine years of breathwork experience and ancient shamanic beliefs, designed to help you relax and check in with your body and soul.

After many years of suppressing my emotions, Rudá’s dynamic breathwork flow quite literally revived that connection.

And that’s what you need:

A spark to reconnect you with your feelings so that you can begin focusing on the most important relationship of all – the one you have with yourself.

So if you’re ready to take back control over your mind, body, and soul, if you’re ready to say goodbye to anxiety and stress, check out his genuine advice below.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

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Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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