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How to coach someone who is not motivated

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If you think it’s hard enough to make changes in your own life, remember that it’s even harder to help someone else to change.

And when someone has no motivation to change at all, it can feel near impossible to coach them.

With some useful techniques, some grit, and perseverance, you can certainly do it!

I’ll take you through the top methods to coach someone who is not motivated to change. Let’s jump right in.

1) Agree on the goals

The first step to motivating someone to change is to agree on clear goals.

If someone isn’t motivated to change, then you can see why it’s hard to coach someone who is not motivated.

If they are not motivated, then they have no interest in changing and it’s hard for them to be moved. But you can start small.

It’s easy to tell them what you want them to change and be frustrated with their lack of motivation. But if you don’t know what you want them to do, then you aren’t going anywhere.

So start by getting on the same page and agreeing on what you want them to do.

Even if they are not motivated, you can still agree you want them to eat healthier, have more energy, or some other goal that you are both happy with and can work towards.

And when they start to show signs of becoming motivated, then it’s time to move forward.

2) Ask questions

To coach someone who is not motivated, it’s important to ask questions. Get to know what they believe and what holds them back.

They may have tried to make these changes before, but things fell away and they are wary to try again.

What went wrong last time? Why did it fail? What was it that made you give up?

Get their thoughts and mindset out in the open so that you can see the obstacles, and together you can decide what it is going to take to overcome them.

You can also strategize an approach they haven’t experienced before.

3) Create a plan

Creating a plan in your head is one thing to do to get you on track for how you want to motivate someone else to change. You need to see the big picture.

Making something that they can stick to and achieve is another. So make a plan for them.

Work out what they can do and how you are going to help them. You don’t have to tell them every detail, but you need to know what’s going on.

When it comes to creating a plan, start with small wins.

Your brain needs small wins, so give your brain those small wins along the way. And if you do that, then you will have a big win at the end of it.

Success is built one small step at a time.

4) Find their motivation

To help someone make concrete changes you have to first know what makes them tick and what drives them.

Everyone has an inner drive, an inner motivator that makes them want to achieve things.

But if someone isn’t motivated to change, then you can’t force it on them. They need to find their motivation first.

So help them find out what their drive is and then use that as a tool to get them going again.

It’s easier to coach someone motivated, than not. But sometimes, it can help to find out why they are not motivated, and then work from there.

The truth is, most of us never realize how much power and potential lies within us.

It’s easier to stay as we are and not look deeply into the things that hold us back.

We become bogged down by continuous conditioning from the world around us, that makes us believe we can only be a certain way.

What’s the result?

The reality we create becomes detached from the reality we can attain and dream of.

I learned this (and much more) from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandé. In this excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can lift off mental chains and get back to the core of your being. This can be helpful for yourself and the clients whom you coach.

A word of caution – Rudá isn’t your typical shaman.

He doesn’t paint a pretty picture for a change.

Instead, he’s going to ask you to look inwards and confront the uncomfortable truths and demons within.

He offers a powerful approach for you to try on yourself, but one that works. And it’s one that you can use in your coaching sessions when you are not able to break through someone’s mental conditioning.

So if you’re ready to take your coaching techniques one step further and learn from Rudá’s unique technique, you will be able to reach out and help more people.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

5) Take care of the mind

The mind can be the greatest obstacle to helping someone to change.

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Sometimes the mind is a big ball of confusion and no one seems to be able to get hold of it. Most of us aren’t even aware of our mental obstacles and limiting mindset.

It’s important to take care of the mind first before we can take care of the body.

You need to show your clients how good it will feel and how great they will look and feel when they get there. You need to help them relearn how to speak to themselves and take mastery over their thoughts.

With the mind sorted, it’s easier to get the body moving.

And if you can get their mind into gear, then they will be more available to move their body in the right direction.

6) Show them how

Sometimes people need to see that a change is possible before they believe it.

If someone isn’t motivated and you want them to change, then show them how and let them do it themselves. Being a role model and showing them that it’s possible can be the best.

A role model might show them how to change their diet, or exercise or even show them how to live the lifestyle they aspire to.

Someone can see and hear what you are doing and be motivated by it.

If they have no motivation, then they won’t do it. But if they see you going in the right direction and doing what needs to be done, then they will probably follow suit.

7) Be consistent

It’s easy to coach someone who is not motivated if you know the right approach.

The primary quality they need in a coach is someone consistent.

A coach should be regular, and will most likely coach them at the time when they are available, which for someone who is not motivated is often at night or on the weekends.

If you can’t manage to be consistent with them, then don’t coach them. It’s best to recognize that their motivation isn’t there and move on rather than waste time trying to coach someone who isn’t motivated.

8) Stay calm

When you are coaching someone who doesn’t seem motivated, it’s important to stay calm.

The last thing you want is for them to see you getting frustrated. You need to appear confident and in control.

They are going to go through a rollercoaster ride of emotions trying to get the results that they are pursuing. Change is not easy.

They are not going to like certain aspects of the process, and it’s your job to help them through this.

Staying calm will help you in your coaching and it will also reduce their frustration. If they see someone else staying calm then they will be able to access their calm.

If you can stay calm, then they have already started changing.

9) Just do it

The best way to coach someone who isn’t motivated is to start! If you hesitate and wait to take it on, they will lose the momentum of taking any action.

You will get frustrated at times when you want to hold them back.

But if they aren’t motivated and you want them to achieve their goals, then just do it.

Think of all the things they have said that they aren’t going to do, and all the things that they are doing. If they are doing what they said, then how can you keep them from achieving their goals?

So if you want something done, just go ahead and do it yourself.

Understanding is your secret weapon

If you are coaching someone who is not motivated, then you are probably already aware that need to figure out where they are coming from and work with that.

They will not be in a place to make a change until they feel up for making it.

Change has to come from deep within.

But it takes a great deal of effort to make any difference in our lives.

This will be an exercise in problem-solving for both of you.

As a coach, you will have to be creative and get to the fundamental core of their beliefs. You need to get into their mindset to crack them out of it.

Maybe the reason they aren’t motivated is that they feel something is missing and you just might be the coach that can fill in that gap and make them feel ready?

You are there to help them push past any conditioning and experiences that hold them back.

You can keep using the same tools that you know, or you can also continue to progress and explore the limits of the mind and self-sabotaging behaviors.

If you need some help exploring this process, and adding one more tool into your arsenal for change, I highly recommend checking out insights from the shaman Rudá Iandé.

In this excellent free video, he explains how to lift the mental chains that hold us back and get back to the core of our being.

So if you’re ready to help others shed the reality forced onto them so that they can create your own, check out his excellent advice below.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

Best of luck, and keep on going on your path of inspiration and service!

Written by Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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