When you start dating someone, you want the relationship to work out. But sometimes, things don’t go as planned and it’s time for a breakup.
If you’re not sure how to break up with someone you just started dating, don’t worry – we’ve got you covered!
In this blog post, we’ll give you 15 helpful tips on breaking up with someone in a way that’s respectful and considerate.
Follow these tips and your breakup will be smooth sailing!
1) Don’t procrastinate
Procrastinating on breaking up with someone you just started dating is a surefire way to make the situation worse for yourself and your partner. The longer you wait, the more time they have to get attached or hope that things will work out.
Heck, if you delay the break-up, they might even think you were stringing them along, thinking you’d want a serious relationship with them the entire time.
There are plenty of reasons to break up with someone – and it’s never easy. But, if you wait too long, things can get really complicated and messy.
Do the right thing and break up sooner rather than later. That way, the other person won’t have any unrealistic hopes or expectations. It’ll also minimize the amount of time you spend together and make the breakup less painful for both of you.
2) Be honest and tell the truth
The classic saying, “honesty is the best policy” holds true for any relationship, especially when you part ways with someone you just started dating.
Of course, being honest about how you feel towards your young relationship can come across as harsh. But it’s always a good idea to be true to yourself and your feelings than to pretend that everything’s okay when it’s not.
For example, if you’re not interested in pursuing a relationship with them anymore because you don’t want to date someone who lives out of town, just say it.
If you’re unhappy about the way your date has treated you, be direct. Tell them that you’re not feeling it anymore, and move on.
When you keep things vague and try to let them assume things, it’s almost always the wrong thing to do. You’ll just make yourself look bad in the long run.
This way, they won’t have any doubts or unanswered questions about what happened and how it led to that moment.
I’m telling you, they may even appreciate your honesty and candor.
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3) Be kind, but firm with the situation
Rejection is a hard pill to swallow for some people, and when it comes to breaking up with someone you just started dating, there’s no easy way around it.
But even though breaking up is difficult, that doesn’t mean you can’t be kind in the process. Kindness goes a long way, especially in tough situations like this.
Remember, your partner is probably just as hurt by this breakup as you are.
So try to soften the blow as much as possible. Be gentle with your words and explain things in a way that won’t leave them feeling devastated.
But of course, you don’t have to sugarcoat things either.
Be firm about your decision of breaking things off and let your partner know it’s for good. Offering any hope that things could still work out will only make the break-up more difficult and confusing for both of you in the long run,
You don’t want to cause unnecessary emotional damage or trauma, do you?
The last thing you want is to make breaking up with them harder than it already is for both of you.
4) Don’t lie about your feelings or makeup excuses
There could be a couple of reasons why you’d lie or make up excuses when breaking up with someone you just started dating.
Maybe you’re scared of how they’ll react because you don’t know them well enough. Or because you’re scared to make them feel bad or even hurt their feelings.
Even making white lies and excuses to break up with someone nicely can make the breaking up process more complicated and drawn out.
Whatever the reason may be, it’s never a good idea to lie or make up excuses when breaking up with someone. That’s because you’ll only dig yourself deeper into a hole of lies and make matters worse for everyone.
Lying about or making up excuses to break up with someone only makes you look bad. And because your partner doesn’t know the truth, they have no choice but to agree that things just didn’t work out and it wasn’t their fault.
It’s better to avoid making up stories than have your partner look at you differently in the future. You’ll just make things more complicated for yourself, which will complicate your breakup even more.
5) Avoid being confrontational when going through the breakup
Can you imagine how difficult it will be to be confrontational as you break up with someone you haven’t been dating for a long time?
Believe me, it won’t be effective. It’s also going to feel awkward and unfamiliar.
Of course, you don’t want to be in a situation where you and your partner are fighting as you say goodbye to them. Even if it’s just a break-up, things could lead to emotional outbursts from your partner.
You just never know.
The last thing you want is to get into a heated fight over something that wasn’t going to work out anyway.
Make sure you have an idea of how you’re going to respond. And try to not take anything they say personally.
A lot of times, emotionally charged people say things they don’t mean. And that’s not exactly a classy way to tell someone off.
So if you do feel like being confrontational with them or getting into an argument, stop and ask yourself if it’s really worth it.
It’s not wise to be confrontational and make things more difficult for both of you when breaking up with someone you’ve only known for a short time.
If you’re worried about how it’ll turn out, talk with a trusted friend or family member first. This will give you time to think of what you really want to say and keep the argument from getting out of control.
6) Contact them and break things off in person
Remember that scene from the TV show, Sex and the City, where Carrie Bradshaw gets dumped over a post-it?
That’s the absolute worst thing you can do to someone you just started dating.
You see, every relationship, no matter how long or how short, should end face-to-face.
Even if you were to break up with someone you just started a long-distance relationship with, breaking up via email or text message is just very inappropriate.
It’s bad breakup etiquette.
You might think it’s better to break things off in a way that doesn’t seem so harsh and final.
But the truth is, breaking up over text or email is just impersonal and dishonest. It makes your partner uncomfortable, and it’s the last thing you want to do to them at this point in time.
Even if you’ve only known them for a short while, they deserve that respect.
However, if breaking up in person seems too daunting for you, try breaking up over the phone or video chat instead. But that would still be a last resort.
If you decide to go this route, just make sure that they’re in a comfortable environment where they don’t have to endure any awkward moments or hurt feelings.
You want to make things as painless for them as you can.
7) It’s best to avoid being defensive
It’s not uncommon for a person to feel defensive when breaking up with someone they’ve just started dating. It’s human nature.
In a way, you think that by arguing and putting up a tough front, the other person will understand why things didn’t work out and leave you alone.
But that sometimes doesn’t happen.
Instead, both of you start to feel more frustrated, causing you to argue even more until it all becomes a big mess.
An example of being defensive is saying things like “It’s not you, it’s me,” or “I’m just not ready for romantic relationships in my life right now.”
These statements are the classic “I’m breaking up with you but I don’t want to hurt your feelings” moves. They make the other person feel like they’re not good enough, and will only prolong the break-up process.
If you’re feeling defensive, the best thing to do is try to take a step back and understand why you might be feeling that way.
Then when you feel calm and ready, talk to the other person about breaking up in a more constructive way.
It’ll make breaking up a lot smoother for both of you.
8) Don’t let them make you feel bad
Breaking up with someone can always make you feel bad. And when you do this to someone you just started dating, it can make you feel like absolute scum.
It doesn’t matter how much you tried to make things work out, or how much they fought for the relationship, even if it just started.
The breaking up process is never going to be easy, no matter how you slice it.
But there is an irony in all of this.
You breaking up with them can make you feel bad. But you breaking up with someone who makes no effort to be in a relationship with you will only make them feel better.
I’m sure you’re with me on this one when I say that you’re still going to feel bad and blame yourself for everything that went wrong in the relationship, even though it’s not entirely your fault.
So don’t let the guilt consume you.
You’re breaking up with them because it’s what’s best for both of your futures, not because you want to see them suffer. And any effort for reconciliation from their end shouldn’t change your mind about breaking things off completely.
You know it won’t work out in the long run anyway.
9) Keep it as short as possible
Even though breaking up with someone you just started dating can be very tough, it’s also important to keep things as short as possible.
Here’s something we can both agree on: most people feel the need to get all the answers on why they’re being dumped and they need to hear them now.
But, in reality, dragging out the breaking up process by addressing all of their issues and questions is only going to make things more painful for everyone involved. You may or may not love each other, but you still may be breaking their heart.
Here’s the clincher: being brief and to the point doesn’t negate the requirement of honesty.
You can still be truthful. You don’t have to make a novel out of it.
So try and keep things short, sweet, and to the point, as you have the breakup conversation.
When you do this, it’ll be less drawn out and painful – and it’ll be over before you know it.
10) Choose among several places and a good time to do it
Whether or not you’ve been in a long-term relationship, choosing a good time and place to end things is important when having that breakup conversation.
The thing is, for someone you just started seeing, you’ll never know how they’ll react or how long it’ll take for them to get over you. So you have to decide if ending things in a private or public place will be less awkward.
What matters is for you to choose a time and place that’s as neutral and unemotional as possible.
It doesn’t have to be a meeting room at their office, but it shouldn’t be your bedroom, living room, or any other place where you feel you could get emotional and make a fool of yourself.
It also shouldn’t matter what time you choose to break things off. But if you must, make sure it’s not right before an important meeting, dinner with their family, or something more.
If you’re breaking things off in person and have the luxury of time on your hands, a good suggestion would be for you to do this over a cup of coffee (or whatever beverage is convenient) at a quiet cafe.
The bottom line is that the time and place have to be neutral enough that you can put the focus on having a mature conversation without breaking down crying.
Breaking up has its own share of drama. There’s no need to add fuel to the fire.
11) Remember that the conversation isn’t always about you
While this is your breakup and your decision, it’s not all about you.
This isn’t the time to go on and on about how you’re not happy or how this just isn’t working for you. If you make it all about you, then it’s just going to look like you’re being selfish and mean.
Your soon-to-be-ex deserves to have a voice in this conversation, and they should be able to ask you questions about why things are ending.
They might want to know about your feelings, whether things aren’t clicking between you, or if there are other reasons for the breakup.
This is something you should prepare for in advance so that you don’t come off as an empathizer.
Remember, this is their relationship, too.
And even though it’s not going the way they wanted it to, they still have feelings that need to be considered. So be polite and understanding during a breakup; let your partner have their say if they want to.
12) Being the first one to walk away from new relationships isn’t a bad thing
As mature adults, both of you know that the end of the relationship can’t be avoided.
There’s no way to avoid it.
So there’s no point in dragging out a breakup like you’re waiting for the other person to do something first and give you an excuse to break things off.
If you feel that, very early on in the relationship, things aren’t going to work out, breaking up with the other person before they do it to you is the best thing you can do.
It’s all about being honest.
Now, this is important: ending things early with a new partner doesn’t make you look bad, and it certainly isn’t selfish.
All it means is that you’re strong enough to accept the fact that this relationship isn’t going in the right direction you expected it to, before getting more emotionally attached.
Keep in mind that breaking up isn’t the end of your life. It can be a new beginning to something more positive and fulfilling – both for yourself and your partner.
13) Give them some time to process things
Breaking up with someone you just started dating may come as a surprise.
And even though there might be some feelings of confusion and uncertainty, it’s best to give them some time to process things
You may think of how to stop talking to someone without hurting them, but this is a necessary step in order for them to start healing.
They need time to understand what happened, and why it did.
Don’t bombard them with phone calls, texts, or emails. Don’t even bother them on Facebook and other social media.
The best way is to let them be for a little while and give them the space they need to figure things out. Sometimes, that’s necessary to get the closure you need.
It might not be easy on your end, but it’s important to show compassion by respecting their feelings during this time.
Remember: breaking up is hard enough as it is without adding to the already stressful situation.
14) Ghosting isn’t a break-up method
You may be wondering what ghosting means when it comes to breaking things off with someone.
Ghosting is when you completely disappear from someone’s life without any warning or communication whatsoever.
And If you’re breaking up with someone you just started dating, the last thing you want to do is exactly that.
Why is that?
Because being ghosted can be traumatic for some people. It can send across a message that their love isn’t worth anything.
It can be hurtful and confusing, especially if you’ve ghosted someone who may already be emotionally invested in the relationship.
The least you can do is give them an explanation and a proper goodbye. It’s not fair to just ignore them or delete their number without any notice; that’s just mean.
You wouldn’t want to be remembered as the prick who ghosted them, do you?
It’s still important to show some respect when breaking things off by having a proper conversation.
15) Speak to an experienced relationship coach
You may not realize it, but the process of breaking up could be a difficult time that can put a lot of stress in your life. Yes, this applies even if you’ve just started dating someone recently and decide to end things.
It’s even more difficult when you have to deal with the aftermath of being dumped or when you’re the one who has to break things off. If you don’t really know how to handle a breakup, or if the other person’s being really emotional, then it can quickly get out of hand.
And that’s why it’s important to seek the help of an experienced relationship or dating coach or psychotherapist.
They can offer insight on what went wrong in the relationship, advice on how to move forward and restore your confidence, and strategies to make you feel better when it’s all over.
A professional can help you work through this breakup, gain clarity about the situation, and learn how to be a better person as you prepare for your future relationships.
What you want to do at this stage is to try to focus on your mental health and just become the person you want to be.
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Breaking up is hard to do
Breaking up with someone you just started dating can be a tough thing to do, but it’s something that has to be done if the relationship is no longer going anywhere.
If you’re the one who’s ending things with someone you’ve just met, these tips are some things you should know to make things easier for both of you.
No matter what happens, always choose to be the bigger person. No need for drama or hurtful words. Be kind, respectful, and classy.
Spend some time focusing on yourself and your mental health. Work through the emotions you’re feeling with the help of a professional.
Remember, you’re better off just walking away from something that’s not working. The sooner you end things, the less painful it will be for both of you.
You’ll later on come to realize that breaking up very early on in the relationship was the best decision you ever made.