One of the most difficult things to cope with in life is the feeling that we’re not fulfilled without a romantic partner.
But don’t give up hope!
Even though you might have a strong desire to be in a relationship, there are ways you can be happily single.
Here are 10 ways to enjoy yourself and be fulfilled, even when you’re not in a relationship.
1) Make yourself happy first
When you’re lonely and want a relationship, it’s tempting to think that the reason you aren’t in one is that you’re not attractive enough, or not nice enough.
The truth is:
It’s hard to be happy when your happiness depends on someone else being happy.
If you feel like you’re in a rut and unhappy, try looking at your life more positively.
A life of happiness comes from within.
What you put into it is more important than how you look, what you say, or what you do for others.
Take responsibility for your own happiness. Do things that make you happy, even if they make no one else happy.
For example, go for a hike, watch a movie, or go to the library.
You don’t have to be in a relationship to do fun things. You just have to be happy with who you are and that’s enough!
2) Establish a life outside of relationships, which includes interests and friends
A lot of couples expect to be happy with their friendships and interests outside of the relationship, but this isn’t always the case.
Many couples think that if they spend less time with their friends, they’ll be happier and more focused on each other.
But here’s the fact:
If you’re spending all of your time with your partner and don’t have any other interests or friends, you may find yourself feeling like you’re missing out.
It’s easy to get caught up in the relationship – or on a regular routine.
So one of the best things about being single is that you have time for yourself!
You don’t have to share your life with anyone else.
You can take care of yourself and figure out who you are and what you like, which is the only thing that really matters!
Some people enjoy having friends, others prefer spending their free time alone reading a book or watching TV.
Everyone has their own preferences.
The important thing is that you know what works best for you, so think about it carefully before making any decisions (e.g., “Should I spend my free time with friends or alone?”).
You might find that living independently suits your needs better.
3) Stop saying you’re happy without a partner
People often say they’re happy without a partner, but in reality, they feel the opposite.
This is called ‘lying to yourself.’
Lying is never helpful – it’s like putting a band-aid over an open wound.
It doesn’t help you heal and you’ll always have that lie hanging over your head.
So if you really aren’t happy being single, admit it to yourself. And if you’re already in a relationship that isn’t working for you, make sure to get out of it.
Working on yourself and getting to know who you are is the number one thing you can do to be happy, no matter what.
You deserve happiness, so don’t take it from anyone else.
4) Reflect on the reasons behind wanting to be in a relationship
If you’re constantly thinking about being in a relationship or have a strong desire to be in one, ask yourself why you want this so badly.
Is it because society tells you that if you’re happy and single, something is wrong?
Or is it because you truly don’t feel like your life is complete? If so, why? Maybe you’re afraid of being alone, or you don’t want to be lonely.
These are all very valid reasons, but if you’re really unhappy in your life, being in a relationship won’t make things better.
And this also leads to love often starting out great, only to become a nightmare later on.
So what’s the solution to being happily single when you want to be in a relationship?
The answer is contained in the relationship you have with yourself.
I learnt about this from the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me to see through the lies we tell ourselves about love, and become truly empowered.
As Rudá explains in this mind-blowing free video, love is not what many of us think it is. In fact, many of us are actually self-sabotaging our love lives without realizing it!
We need to face the facts about being happily single:
Far too often we chase an idealized image of someone and build up expectations that are guaranteed to be let down.
Far too often we fall into codependent roles of savior and victim to try to “fix” our partner, only to end up in a miserable, bitter routine.
Far too often, we are on shaky ground with our own selves and this carries over into toxic relationships that become hell on earth.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to being happily single when you want to be in a relationship.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
5) Don’t compare your single life to others
The question of “should I be in a relationship?” can be asked from a completely different angle; one that involves looking at the life of other people and comparing it to yours.
This is another harmful way to look at life and the relationships you might have.
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Suffering from Empty and Draining Relationships?
The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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It’s confusing and it makes you envy someone else while forgetting your own reality.
One person’s reality isn’t necessarily better than another one, even if they seem more attractive or successful.
If you want to be really happy, you need to accept how you are now.
And the truth is that everything in life goes up and down over time.
You can’t hang on to a single moment forever.
When you realize that, it takes the comparison out of your head.
And it allows you to be happier being single than if you were in a relationship where your life was going through ups and downs all the time.
6) Take a break from dating apps
Another helpful way to be happy being single is to take a break from dating apps entirely.
Do you know how people are always talking about how social media can negatively impact your health?
Well, a lot of the same things can happen when you’re dating.
On social media, it’s easy to compare your life to others, and on dating apps, it’s even worse!
Be honest with yourself:
How many times have you downloaded a new app and immediately compared yourself to the first person who messaged you?
Have you ever felt anger or found it hard to breathe after a particularly bad date?
If so, don’t be surprised. Dating apps are designed to create that kind of response.
And the more you interact with these people, the more you build up your hopes and desires to be in a relationship.
And when things don’t go your way – if something doesn’t ever come from it – it can be embarrassing and disappointing.
7) Have a strong sense of self-worth
The more self-worth you have, the happier you’ll be without a relationship.
Your worth is not defined by your dating life, and it does not come from someone else.
When you have self-worth, you can be true to yourself and won’t sell yourself out for a relationship.
Self-worth speaks to your core values of how you see yourself as a human being, what you believe in and how you want others to treat you.
If you have a strong sense of self-worth, you won’t compromise who you are for anyone else. All the good relationships in your life will come from having high self-worth.
When you don’t, the opposite is true.
That’s why making certain you are yourself comes first and foremost when you want to be happy being single.
8) Bring what you’re looking for from your potential partner into your life
If you’re looking for someone who has a good sense of humor, why not try doing something new that would bring laughter into your life?
If you’re looking for someone who is family-oriented, why not reach out to a friend or your family and invite them to do something together?
And how does that work?
By connecting the person you’re looking for with what you want.
When you bring what you want into your life, you’re bringing a sense of completion to your life.
And when you can be content and complete on your own, without someone else, then you can fully be happily single.
But wait, there’s more!
Here’s a video of Justin on how he can be happy being single by bringing what he wants into his own life.
9) Travel as often as possible
When you travel, you can meet people who have different lives and experiences than you.
While your life may be going great, think about how their story is different.
You’ll meet people who are single and happy; people with multiple relationships; people who are divorced and even widowed.
In the process of trying something new, your perspective will change and you’ll start thinking differently about yourself and your own choices in love.
You’ll become more flexible, and that will make you happier being single.
10) Never settle for anything less than you’re worth
No matter where you’re at in your life, it’s important to never settle for anything less than you deserve.
A lot of people settle because they think they don’t have a choice.
They settle because they’ve been hurt before and they don’t want to be hurt again.
Your life doesn’t have to be settled this way.
There are other choices.
When you have a strong sense of self-worth, you’re willing to wait for what makes you happy.
You won’t settle for someone who isn’t right for you or someone who isn’t giving you what you deserve.
So when it comes to relationships, remember that it’s okay to be single.
You don’t need anyone else in your life to be complete.
If you’re feeling lonely, it’s time to look at what you need rather than what others have, also stop comparing your life and your choices to other people.
The single life can be great if you allow it to; though it’s not for everyone.
Take these 10 tips to heart and you’ll be well on your way to being happily single even when you want to be in a relationship.
How this one revelation changed my love life
It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…
I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.
What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.
If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.
Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.
As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.
We do this by promoting his masterclasses.
One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.
Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder