Dating a married man has its own special set of difficulties.
However, if you keep your head about you, it could also have its own unique rewards. Read on for advice on how to attract a married man emotionally and make him yours…
Just a word of warning:
Dating a married man is complicated. Even if he’s single at heart, his marriage complicates things — for him and for you.
If you think you can handle the potential problems that come with dating a married man, proceed carefully. You don’t want to become involved with someone who isn’t ready to end his marriage.
1) Make him feel like he’s the best thing that ever happened to you
Of course, you’re not really jumping for joy about the fact that you’re involved with a married guy — but you should make him feel like he’s the best man you’ve ever dated.
A man who is happy in his marriage is going to take a lot more convincing to leave the marriage than one who isn’t happy or feels trapped.
Instead of telling your married guy that he’s lucky to have found a woman who will put up with his crap, make him feel like you are lucky to be with him.
Here are some suggestions to help you do this:
Be affectionate when you’re with him; this creates a sense of intimacy that builds trust and draws him in.
- Be generous with your praise; tell him how great he is at little things, like fixing things around the house or helping you solve problems.
- Find out what’s important to him and do it. When you can show that you not only accept his faults but also appreciate his good qualities, he’ll start feeling pretty good about himself.
- Appreciate his good qualities and his accomplishments, complete with touching details.
- Be aware of how he feels and how he reacts to things; notice details about his life when you aren’t around.
- Make him laugh — not at him or the situation, but with him and the people around you. Even if he has a great sense of humor, it can be nice to be around someone who thinks that you are funny.
2) Find out what makes him feel loved and appreciated by his wife
Another tip to attract a married man emotionally is to find out what makes him feel loved and appreciated by his wife.
There’s nothing wrong with a woman who feels those things for her spouse, but if his wife isn’t doing it, it’s your job to step into the breach.
The more you can make him feel appreciated and loved by you, the more likely he is to want to stay in the marriage.
But here’s the kicker:
Try to do it in a different way than his wife does it. For example, if his wife is the nurturing type, you might want to show him how much fun you can be.
Or, if his wife is shy, you might want to be the person who gets out there and makes things happen.
The bottom line is this:
If you can make him feel appreciated and loved by you in ways that stand apart from how he feels with his wife, it’s going to make it much easier to keep him from leaving the marriage.
3) Bring out his inner hero
One thing you will have to do is make him feel like the hero, which is something he may not get from his wife.
A man who feels like a hero — and especially a man who feels like a hero to you — will do pretty much anything for you.
There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the ‘hero instinct’.
This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.
I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.
The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.
But how do you trigger this instinct in him?
The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.
If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.
I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.
4) Develop a friendship before anything else
Trust me, he doesn’t want a relationship right now. You don’t want one either.
As much as you might want to go for the relationship, it’s best to do things slowly and carefully. A friend first is always a good idea!
In fact, by becoming close friends with him, you can make him more likely to want to be with you.
And it’s not just a matter of being friends — you both have to really want that friendship.
What do I mean?
I mean that you and he should both be making extra efforts to make time for each other, text and talk regularly, and be reliable about meeting up.
These are all the signs of a well-established friendship.
And, just as important, it allows you to get to know him better and gives him more things to talk about with you.
5) Don’t pressure him to leave his marriage
OK, I know what you’re thinking:
Every woman wants a guy who is ready to leave his wife and commit to her.
And I get that. But sticking him in a traffic jam won’t get you anywhere.
Instead, it might make him resent the fact that you care more about getting him out of his marriage than he does about being with you!
It’s also a little unfair.
If your guy is happy in his marriage at this point, he may be afraid that if you bring up the topic of divorce, he’ll freak out and decide to do it himself.
So make it clear that you have no intention of pressuring him to leave his wife.
But, at the same time, you shouldn’t act like his marriage is the end of the world either.
Start by treating him like a friend. Think about how you’d want to be treated if you were single and dating. Then think about how you’d want to be treated if you were married and dating someone else.
This is the type of relationship that he’s in now, not the relationship he wants to be in with you. When you take that into consideration, it will allow him to continue thinking about your relationship as something more than just a way out of his marriage.
Hopefully, by taking the time to think about what you can do to make him stay with you, you’ve gotten a better idea of how to attract a married man and keep him happy in the marriage.
If you can’t find a way, you should try triggering his hero instinct.
Well, I mentioned the unique concept of the hero instinct earlier. It’s revolutionized the way I understand how men work in relationships.
You see, when you trigger a man’s hero instinct, all those emotional walls come down. He feels better in himself and he’ll naturally begin to associate those good feelings with you.
And it’s all down to knowing how to trigger these innate drivers that motivate men to love, commit, and protect.
So if you’re ready to take your relationship to that level, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.