Are you still pining for your ex? Are you still hoping to win him or her back?
The only thing standing between you and your happy ending is a second chance.
We all agree that getting dumped is a horrible feeling, so it’s no surprise that you feel desperate to get your ex back.
However, asking your ex for a second chance can be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do.
But how can you ask for a second chance without sounding desperate?
Here are 10 tips for asking your ex for a second chance without sounding desperate.
1) Don’t try to make them jealous by dating someone else
Did you know that starting to date someone immediately after a breakup is a sign of being desperate?
Believe it or not, when you try to make your ex jealous by dating someone else, you’re just making yourself look desperate.
How so?
Well, your ex can easily understand that you started dating someone because you wanted to make him or her jealous.
And if your ex knew that you wanted to make him or her jealous, then why would he or she take you back?
It’s simple: if your ex thought you were desperate before, then he or she will definitely think the same thing after seeing you date someone else.
So here’s the thing:
This is a mistake that many people make when trying to get their ex back.
They think that if they start dating someone new, their ex will see how happy they are without them and want them back as well.
This rarely works!
The best thing that you can do is focus on making yourself happy and wait until your ex comes around on his or her own accord, rather than trying to force him or her into getting back together with you by dating someone else.
So, remember not to try to make your ex jealous by dating someone else.
2) Show them you have grown
After a breakup, you’re bound to have some regrets about the way you treated your ex.
And if you have regrets about the way you treated your ex, then it’s time to start making changes.
The best way to show your ex that you have changed is to start small.
Why is this important?
Well, showing your ex that you have grown will let him or her know that you are serious about getting your ex back.
It will also show him or her that you are no longer the same person who broke up with him or her.
But you know what?
You don’t always need to show your ex that you have grown.
Instead, it’s important only if your breakup was due to the fact that you two were both immature and didn’t know each other well.
Then the first thing you need to do is show your ex that you’ve grown.
You need to show that you’ve matured and grown as a person.
What’s more, you should let them know that you’ve learned from your mistakes. You need to show your ex that you’ve learned how to communicate better, deal with conflict better, and make mature decisions.
If your breakup was caused by specific issues, then you also need to show that you’ve grown in those areas.
If you two broke up because of your differences in religious or political beliefs, show that you’ve grown.
If your ex broke up with you because you had bad communication skills, show that you’ve grown in that area.
But remember, you need to grow for yourself.
These are just a few examples of how you can show growth.
But most of all, what I want you to remember is the most importance of how you need to grow for yourself.
I’ve bent over backwards trying to chase boys who were already stomping around on my heart.
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Tackling my self-doubts and unlearning all of these fairytale expectations I held of what love was supposed to be like has helped me grow (more) into the person I want to be. Who I want my ex to be with.
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Once you have gotten more comfortable with who you are deep down and started that healing journey, there are many other ways that you can show your ex that you’ve grown.
So don’t just sit around and wait for your ex to come back; take action and show him or her how much of a better person you are now than before!
It may just be what it takes for them to realize what they’re missing out on.
3) Don’t use hollow compliments to win back your ex
Can I be totally honest with you?
Using hollow compliments is a very common mistake that most people make when they’re trying to get their ex back.
In fact, it’s the worst thing you can do when you want your ex to get back.
But here’s the thing…
Hollow compliments are useless.
They don’t work.
You want to be able to compliment your ex in a way that will actually compel them to want you back.
And the only way to do this is by using flattery!
Let’s see how it works:
If you want a second chance, then you need to show your ex that you’ve grown and matured as a person.
Do not use empty compliments just to get your ex back.
You might want to tell your ex things like, “I miss you,” “I really want us to get back together,” “You’re my dream girl/boy,” “I’ve never met anyone else like you,” and “You were the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Your ex might appreciate these compliments, but they don’t mean anything if they know you don’t mean them.
If you truly want a second chance, then you need to show your ex that you’ve grown as a person and matured.
The best way to do this is by waiting for your ex to approach you, showing them that you’ve grown, and then asking for a second chance.
Sometimes you can win your ex back, but you have to know how to do it the right way.
Waiting for your ex to make the first move, showing them that you’ve grown, helping them see what they’re missing, being patient, and having a specific reason why you want a second chance are all important tips that will help you get your ex back.
4) Don’t contact your ex immediately after the breakup
Have you already thought about contacting your ex after the breakup?
If you have, then I have some bad news for you.
It’s too soon.
You need to wait at least one week before contacting your ex.
If you contact your ex immediately after the breakup, then they might think that you’re just trying to get them back or that you’re desperate.
So guess what?
It’s a bad idea to contact your ex right away because it can make them feel uneasy and uncomfortable.
If they feel uncomfortable talking to you, then they might become less interested in getting back together with you later on down the road.
You might be desperate and want to get in touch right away, but don’t do it!
It seems like common sense, but many people do this and it almost never works out. You don’t want to appear desperate or needy.
Your ex will have no incentive to get back with you if you appear needy and desperate.
You need time to heal and for your ex to miss you. You also need time to figure out what went wrong in your relationship so you can avoid making the same mistakes again.
When you reach out to your ex too soon, all you do is look desperate, and it will only push them further away.
So how long should you wait before contacting your ex?
You should wait at least one week before contacting your ex.
It might be longer depending on what happened in your relationship.
If you cheated on your ex, then you should wait at least a month before contacting them.
If you know that you did something wrong that led to the breakup, then it’s up to you to decide how long you should wait before contacting them.
However, I recommend waiting at least two weeks before reaching out to them.
So, don’t contact your ex right away because it will make them uncomfortable and uneasy.
It will also make them less likely to want to get back with you later on down the road.
5) Help your ex see what they’re missing
Sometimes all you need to do is give your ex a little push in the right direction.
If you want them to realize how much they’re missing you, then you should give them a little push.
How?
Let’s see:
You could send them a really nice text message saying how much you miss them.
Or, you could send them a really nice text message saying how much they’re missing out on by not being with you.
You could also send a Snapchat to remind your ex of all the fun times that you had together.
These are just some examples of things that you can do to help your ex see what they’re missing out on in life by not being with you.
But you’re not saying that you want them back so you’re not looking desperate, right?
The simple truth here is that if the breakup was based on something specific, then you need to show your ex that they’re missing out.
For example, let’s say that your breakup was based on the fact that you two just weren’t compatible. You liked going out to clubs and bars all the time while your ex just wanted to stay home and relax.
If you two were in a committed relationship, then you were probably doing this every weekend. Your ex probably got sick of this pretty quickly and broke up with you because they wanted more quiet time.
Now it’s time for you to show your ex that they’re missing out. You need to show them that you’ve learned how to be more low-key and relaxed when you go out.
Either way, you need to show your ex that they’re missing out in some way.
It doesn’t need to be a big thing.
If you show your ex what they’re missing, then they will start to miss you. They will feel sad and lonely without you around. This is the perfect time for you to reach out to them and tell them how much you miss them too!
6) Be patient, but don’t wait forever to ask for a second chance
Want to hear another tip about how to get your ex back?
Be patient.
You shouldn’t just wait around for your ex to come back to you.
Don’t wait forever for them either.
You should be patient and wait a few weeks, but not much longer than that. If you wait too long, then it will look like you have no life and that you’re desperate. That will make your ex feel worse about breaking up with you in the first place!
But you know what? Don’t wait forever, but don’t rush things either.
Instead, you need to be patient and wait for your ex to make the first move, but you also can’t wait forever to ask for a second chance.
If you wait too long, your ex might start dating someone else. If your ex is the type to jump right into another relationship after a breakup, then you might have to wait a long time to get a second chance.
If your ex is the type to grieve the breakup and take their time before moving on, then you should be patient and wait for them to come to you.
But in any case, it’s important to remember that you need to be patient.
If you’ve been broken up with for a while now, then it’s most likely going to take some time for things to work out.
You can’t expect your ex to get back with you on the first day that you start doing these things. It just won’t happen.
The only thing that you can do is show them that you’re serious about getting back together and then wait for them to come around over time.
‘While the tips in this article will help you ask for a second chance without sounding too desperate, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
That’s what I recently did.
When I was at the worst point in my relationship I reached out to a relationship coach to see if they could give me any answers or insights.
I expected some vague advice about cheering up or being strong.
But surprisingly I got very in-depth, specific, and practical advice about addressing the problems in my relationship. This included real solutions to improving many things that my partner and I had been struggling with for years.
Relationship Hero is where I found this special coach who helped turn things around for me. They are perfectly placed to help you with your relationship problems too.
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7) Have a specific reason why you want a second chance
Okay, you’re going to ask for a second chance but you need to have a specific reason why you want one, right?
Otherwise, you’ll sound desperate and needy.
You’ll also sound like you have no self-respect.
But guess what?
If you want a second chance simply because you want your ex back, then your ex will know that and won’t be able to trust you.
Your ex might be willing to give you a second chance if you have a specific reason for why you want a second chance.
For example, let’s say that your ex broke up with you because you were always fighting and never seemed to agree on anything.
You might want a second chance because you want to prove to your ex that you’ve grown as a person and you’re ready to be in a mature relationship where you can communicate and resolve issues without fighting.
You have a specific reason for wanting a second chance and your ex will see this and hopefully appreciate it.
Here’s an example of how to ask for a second chance in a specific and respectful way:
“I’ve been thinking about what happened and I’ve come up with three reasons why I want to give this another shot. Let me share them with you…”
Asking for a second chance doesn’t mean that you have to list the reasons out loud. You can simply think of them in your head as you’re asking for one.
But it’s still important to have at least one or two reasons why you want to get back together so that your ex knows that you’re not just being selfish and trying to get them back because it’s convenient for you.
If they hear that, they won’t trust what you say and will probably feel even more negative towards the idea of getting back together than they already do.
So make sure that your reasons are good ones!
It’s not enough to just say something general like “I want us to be back together”. That’s too vague. You need a specific reason that your ex will be able to understand.
8) Don’t tell your ex what they want to hear
Yes, sometimes people think that if they just tell their ex what they want to hear, then their ex will get back together.
But that’s not true.
You might want a second chance so badly that you’re willing to tell your ex what they want to hear just to get them back, but that’s a bad idea.
So, here’s my advice:
Don’t tell your ex what they want to hear just to get them back. That will only backfire on you and ultimately make your situation worse.
For example, let’s say that your ex broke up with you because you two were fighting all the time and they didn’t think that you were ever going to be able to resolve your differences.
Your ex might break up with you because you have political differences, religious differences, or differences in your core values. They might break up with you because you have different interests, different sexual desires, or different communication styles.
Whatever is the reason, if you tell your ex what they want to hear, then you’re lying and if your ex knows that you’re lying, then they won’t trust anything else that you say.
Instead of telling your ex what they want to hear, tell them the truth. And then be prepared for whatever happens next.
It might be tempting to tell them something like “I’ve changed and I’m ready to compromise”.
But if this is just something that you’re saying so that they’ll get back together with you, then it’s not going to work.
Your ex will be able to see right through it and won’t believe a word of it.
9) Don’t beg for another chance
This is a big one!
You need to be careful here because it can get ugly if you don’t do it right. If you want your ex back, then don’t beg for them back!
When we think about begging, we usually think about crying on the floor and saying “Please take me back! I can change! I promise! Please take me back!!!”
That’s what makes you sound desperate, which is not attractive.
You might think that begging for another chance is the best way to win over your ex. It’s not!
Begging for more attention from your ex will only make them feel worse about breaking up with you in the first place and could even cause them to end things completely.
So, don’t beg for a second chance… or even worse, ask for another chance via text message!
You need to approach this conversation in a mature way. If you want your ex back, then act like it. Begging and pleading for another chance will only make them feel sorry for you and that’s not what you want at all.
Begging will also make you look desperate and needy which are two qualities that most people don’t find attractive in a mate.
If your ex still has feelings for you, then they will be more likely to come back if they see that you are confident about getting them back and not desperate at all.
And remember: if your ex really wants to get back together with you, then they’ll be happy to take you back. But if you beg for them to take you back, then it’s a turn-off.
So, my advice for this is:
Don’t beg for another chance. Just go about getting another chance in the most attractive way possible and your ex won’t be able to resist.
10) Don’t just apologize; admit your mistakes
And the final thing I want to talk about is apologizing.
You need to be honest with your ex and that means admitting that you did things wrong.
When you first break up with someone, you might feel like you did everything right and that your ex didn’t deserve the breakup. But it’s important to realize that there’s a difference between breaking up with someone and being mean or disrespectful.
If all of your ex’s stuff is still in their home, then it was pretty clear that they weren’t ready for the relationship to end. And if they’re still talking to you or texting you when they know what happened, then clearly they aren’t ready for the relationship to end either.
The best thing is to admit that this was the wrong time for you and them to move forward in your relationship.
Why am I so sure?
Well, if this doesn’t work, then it might not ever work again in the future so this is something worth trying once at least!
I know how hard it can be but if you don’t try, then there’s no point in even trying again because it will always be too difficult and take way too much energy out of both of you which will lead nowhere good anyway. So just try!
Even if your ex broke up with you because of something that was out of your control (like cheating or being abusive), it is still important that you admit when it was your fault and when it wasn’t.
People are more likely to forgive someone who admits when they are wrong rather than someone who just apologizes.
So, while it is important that you apologize for the things that you did wrong, it’s even more important to make sure that you admit it when your ex was right.
You need to show your ex that you are willing to work on yourself and do better in the future. You can’t expect them to forgive you if they think that there is no hope for improvement.
But don’t ever apologize for something just because your ex wants you to; instead, insist on apologizing for things only after they tell you that it was okay.
Final thoughts
Let’s face it: Getting dumped hurts like hell.
But it also gives you this rare opportunity to figure out what went wrong in your relationship and what you need to do differently next time around—assuming there will be the next time, of course.
But while the tips in this article should help you ask for a second chance without sounding desperate, there’s only so much you can do alone.
If you genuinely want your ex back, you need the help of a professional.
I’ve mentioned Brad Browning throughout this article – he’s the best at helping couples move past their issues and reconnect on a genuine level.
His tried and tested methods won’t just re-spark your ex’s interest in you, but they’ll also help you avoid making the same mistakes you made in the past.
So if you really want a shot at getting back together with your ex for good, check out his excellent free video below.
