There are so many reasons why you might have to leave a person you love. They may have fallen out of love with you or the relationship has become unhealthy.
But no matter how important or hefty the reason is, it doesn’t make it any easier for you to walk away from the person.
There are some things you can do before and after leaving in order to make your going easier and more bearable.
Here are 18 helpful tips on how to walk away from the person you love.
Before you leave
1) Make sure you see things clearly
Are you really going to leave the person that you love or are you just angry and hurt?
Sometimes we don’t realize how we feel until after the fact when the emotions have died down.
Let me stress this point out: make sure you know exactly where your feelings are before making any big decisions.
You don’t want to make a big mess of your life because of a few temporary emotions.
Take time to think things through and sort them out, so that the decision that follows is one that’s best for everyone.
In an ideal scenario, you’ve had discussions beforehand that state how one or both of you can end the relationship. And even better to have come to some kind of agreement on things like if there can be any kind of friendship in the future or not.
But you see, you have to be 100% sure that this is what you want.
2) Check your feelings
Do you feel hurt, betrayed, angry, sad? Make sure you’re not letting any of those emotions get the best of you and keep these things at the back of your mind.
You don’t want to let these strong emotions take over your mind to the point that you will make a hasty decision.
Because at the end of the day, you’ll be making an emotional decision rather than a rational one.
If this happens then make sure you will identify and acknowledge them or else it could lead to problems in the future.
So let’s be honest here for just a moment.
It is possible for both of you to end up hurting each other, and although the odds are more stacked against you, it’s likely that your loved one’s feelings will be more shattered.
You have to be sure of your feelings after thinking long and hard before you decide to tell them that you want to break up and make sure it’s absolutely necessary.
3) Get advice specific to your situation
While the tips in this article will help you to walk away from the person you love, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like whether you should end your relationship. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding and professional they were.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
4) Don’t just ghost your loved one
Now this one’s important.
If you’re going to leave someone you love, then do them the courtesy of being honest about it.
If you love someone and want to leave, at least tell them why—don’t just cut off all contact and vanish. That’s not fair.
You need to hear this: don’t be cruel, but don’t be a coward either. That’s what kills people inside when they don’t get closure or understand why things happened the way they did and often leads to confusion down the line.
So before you proceed to do something very difficult and painful, stop thinking if it’s better to just walk away without any explanation and cut off everything with them.
Ghosting the person you love is never an option.
5) Talk to someone you trust
It’s always good to keep someone you trust in your corner. Someone who can help you in a time of need.
Don’t just think that no one can understand or you’ll end up looking weak.
Talk to someone you trust about what’s going on. It doesn’t matter if it’s a close friend or family member, or someone from work. Just let them know what’s going on and have their back, because you never know when you’ll learn from them.
You may also have to ask a friend who was once in a similar situation to talk you through it. Or, maybe they can give you some advice on how they coped with the situation and what outcome they came to after it.
By doing this, you could see the reasons why things didn’t work out for them and what their experiences have taught them about themselves and love.
6) Talk to your loved one in person
Promise me you won’t miss or skip this.
Are you ready to deal with the consequences of leaving someone you love?
Expect that it will be very painful, but make sure that when you end your terms with the person you love, you do it in person.
Don’t just make them your bitch and send them an email or text saying you don’t want to see them anymore. This will be very hurtful, but worse, it won’t look serious or it will definitely be disrespectful.
It could mess with their heads and they may start thinking of all the reasons why they did something wrong when in fact, they had no idea what was going on.
Choose your words carefully. When a heated discussion is inevitable, try not to be harsh.
Above all, be ready on how you tell them.
Of course, a lot of things are easier said than done… but this time? It is very difficult to tell them your decision.
7) Break free from social lies about love
Okay, you know that you need to talk to your loved one in person. But do you realize why it’s so hard to do so?
Believe it or not, the reason is hidden inside the social norms that surround us. Most of the time, we think that we shouldn’t walk away from people with whom we’re in a relationship, even if we can’t handle our current state anymore.
But guess what?
After watching this mind blowing free video from the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, I figured that breaking free from damaging, self-sabotaging ideas about love is vital for both our own and our partner’s well-being.
Rudá let me understand that often we fall into codependent roles of savior and victim to try to “fix” our partner, only to end up in a miserable, bitter routine.
But that’s far from having a strong, healthy, and joyful relationship.
Maybe his perspective will help you develop a completely new perspective if you also want to learn how to experience true love and break free from your unhealthy relationship.
8) Tell them why you’re leaving
If you are going to leave, then it makes sense that you tell that person ‘why’ you are leaving.
It will help them understand and give them a chance to explain their side of things. If they have been doing something wrong, then they deserve to be made aware of it.
Don’t just say “it’s over” because this could lead to a guilt trip that might lead the person to do something drastic or worse, and they may hurt themselves physically.
When this time comes, you have to answer all of their questions.
Another important thing to remember is to make sure that your decision is final and you are able to get this message through them.
You’ll have to deal with a lot of challenges after this and it could be difficult which is why you want to make sure your decision is absolute before doing anything else.
9) Be honest about everything
You’re leaving—just be honest about it. Don’t use your partner as an emotional punching bag.
I am telling you this again: if you feel that you need to leave, then tell them the truth.
You have to keep these things in mind:
- Don’t leave your loved one in the dark — this only leads to confusion, despair and sadness.
- Don’t just say “I don’t want to be with you anymore” — this will hurt them too much as they may start thinking of all the reasons why they did something wrong when they probably didn’t and eventually will end up believing it.
- Don’t give them expectations — stop saying what will happen after your breakup which you are not 100% sure of.
- Don’t make things more complicated than they have to be.
You and your loved one have a history, the least you can do is, to be honest towards them.
10) Respect their decision
Now that you have finally expressed your intentions to walk away, make sure you show them respect.
Put yourself in this position. What if it was you who was the one being left and you had to deal with it?
What would you want them to do for you?
Get out of the relationship, but do it correctly by respecting the person. Because no matter how bad things might be, they won’t feel any better if they learn that even their words won’t be heard.
Don’t pressure them into accepting your decision to the things that will happen after the breakup, as this will only make things worse.
After you leave
11) Expect that you both will be hurt
If you love someone and you walk away, then don’t be surprised if they are hurt.
You have to remember this: it is harder to break someone’s heart than it is to win it.
Let’s face it. When you break up with someone you love and they are deeply in love with you, then they are going to get hurt.
They will feel rejected and abandoned by the person they thought was their support system when in fact, you turned your back on them completely.
12) Give them space
If you’re determined to break up with your partner, then respect their needs.
Having been in a similar situation myself, I know that it can be excruciatingly painful.
At this point of the relationship, don’t interrupt them — allow them all the space and time to let you go.
It’s important to have an open mind and understanding so they can heal from this heartbreak. You can’t just show up and tell them that you’re remorseful for hurting them.
And even if your intentions are sincere, don’t try to contact them.
They will want to be left alone and take some time to figure out what they want — give them that space.
If you love your partner, then allow them the time they need to find themselves again and work on life without you in it.
13) Don’t be surprised if they come crawling back to you… but don’t accept their offer!
Despite all of these tips I have outlined in this article, there is always a chance that your loved one could come crawling back. And moving on from this relationship will be even more difficult once they have started to do so.
That’s because they will either blame themselves — and most likely try to get you back.
Or, they will just want to make you jealous by making you think that someone else is already with them.
Always think that there are two sides to a coin.
You just have to deal with this situation as best as you can and try not to fall for the trickery of their mind games.
If that happens, then you can try doing the following things:
- Try to understand their anger and try to deal with it as best as you can.
- Give them some space because they will eventually calm down.
- Pay attention to their needs and what they are going through.
- Try not to make them jealous by flirting with other people.
- Let go and let go quickly.
Don’t think twice about whether you did the right thing, you’ve done the damage and there’s no way you can undo it.
14) Always remember that it’s never too late to cut the cord until you’re sure
As painful as it is to cut the cord, you must do the right thing. And sometimes, “the right thing” is not what we want to do. Sometimes, “the right thing” means leaving your loved one behind and walking away.
Have this in mind that time heals all wounds and don’t feel guilty about doing what’s right for you.
If this person truly loves you, then they will get over it eventually because they have all of their life to live without being afraid to pursue new relationships.
Even if they don’t get over it, at this moment you know what truly matters to you.
15) Pray for them in silence
You may feel that no matter what you do for them after the breakup, it’s not enough, but trust me when I tell you this: every prayer counts.
Prayer can heal a broken heart. It doesn’t matter if the relationship was short or long — this is something that you can offer.
Whether you spare time to be still or in between your breaks, pray for your loved one’s:
Basically their journey to moving on from you.
Don’t feel guilty about praying for someone who you have hurt. You can’t take away the hurt and pain that they feel, but you can make them feel better with your words. And it may help you to realize that everyone makes mistakes.
This may look unlikely to happen but they might feel they are not alone in this.
As much as it may hurt, pray for them and be divinely present with them every time they are struggling.
16) Try not to lose faith in love
It’s a cliché but true: love is never easy.
But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have hope and faith in love.
In fact, because of the pain they feel, some people may be blinded by the beauty of love and get lost on the way.
You just did one of the hardest things you have ever done in your life, and it was difficult too to the person you were with.
Maybe next time you look at them you will see that they are happy without you and even if it was for a short time, then that’s still better than nothing at all. Be proud that you made the right decision and use that power to give you hope and faith in love.
You deserve it.
17) Find others who can relate to you on this journey through love’s ups and downs
All of my life, I have listened to other people’s problems that they faced while they were in relationships. And I always thought why not me?
I mean, I’m hurt and I want a happy relationship too. But I guess that was the wrong thing because everyone has their own story and it’s hard not to compare yourself with the person next to you.
Maybe this is something that you can share with someone you know in a close, non-judgmental attitude and just learn from their experiences.
The more people you share your story with, the more realistic it will feel to you and the better understanding you will have of yourself.
Take this experience as a time to grow more as an individual and be more emotionally mature.
Take all of the things that you have learned with you and share them with people who may need them.
This will somehow ease the baggage you are carrying.
18) Let go and let go quickly
I have stressed this point earlier in the article, but the easiest way to cut the cord is to try to let it go quickly.
Try not to look back, stop and think about it at all, although it is unachievable, you have to try. You already have your life in front of you and you don’t want to waste another minute if it’s not for you.
Don’t be afraid that you may never find someone again.
So to do that, let go of your loved one. And more than that, do it as quietly and as steady as you can. Cut the cord and move on with your life as if nothing happened.
And soon enough you will feel that you’re ready to take a new step in your relationship and love.
It can be hard but at the end of the day, you need to do what’s right for you.
When the time comes, take a moment to reflect on how far you have come. You are stronger than ever, and if anything can make this a bit easier, it’s knowing that there is hope for you out there somewhere.
And you will see love again.
Breakups are painful experiences, more so when they involve a long-term relationship or marriage.
The strength of a couple’s bond varies from person to person but the majority of couples go through emotional distress when breaking up.
All relationships have problems, and when you decide to leave someone, you must carefully consider all the factors before making that heavy move.
By now you should have a good idea of how to walk away from someone that holds a very special place in your heart. But if you’re still unsure, I recommend getting in touch with a trustworthy advisor.
I mentioned Relationship Hero earlier. Based on my own personal experience with them, I know they’re kind and genuinely helpful.
So instead of leaving things up to chance, take control of this situation and get expert help.
Speaking to one of their qualified coaches was a turning point for me, and I think it could be for you too. Especially if you want to find out about the decision that you’ll be taking that certainly will hurt the person you love.