When you meet someone you really like, your brain gets all excited and starts coming up with plans for the future.
I was in that exact same situation, getting really stoked to finally have met someone great.
That is until he started pushing me away…
I was really sad and confused – had I done something wrong?
After doing lots of research and trying to get to the bottom of his behavior, I found that he was actually just scared.
I don’t want you to feel as confused as I did, so I wrote down all the signs that someone is pushing you away because they are scared:
Before I tell you the signs that someone is pushing you away because they are scared, I want to just get one thing clear real quick:
All of these signs are signs that someone is not interested if they show these signs right away.
However, if they were really interested at first and then suddenly show these signs, that means that they might be scared and push you away out of fear.
I just wanted to make that distinction clear, because if someone only showed these signs and nothing else, then you should immediately move on – they don’t like you.
1) He doesn’t want to meet your friends or family
If you two were really hitting it off and were on the same page, you’d expect him to want to meet your friends and family really soon.
But if he’s putting it off for as long as he can, he’s either not feeling it or he’s trying to avoid meeting them as long as possible because he knows he’ll have to come up with some lame excuse.
If he’s constantly trying to get out of meeting your friends or family, it’s a red flag.
He’s either not interested in you romantically or he’s trying to avoid the situation because he’s scared of his feelings for you and trying to push you away.
When I was in your situation I was so excited to finally get everyone I knew to meet him.
I mean, it’s understandable, right?
When you’re in love, you want to share that with the people you are closest to in your life.
But he kept putting it off and kept making up excuses on why he couldn’t meet them.
It made me really sad because I thought we were on the same page, but now I realize that he was just trying to avoid the situation.
The thing is, meeting the family is a pretty huge deal.
If a guy has any kind of fear of commitment, this can make him run for the hills.
Think about it: when you meet the family, it is kind of official, you are now dating.
It’s basically the next step in the relationship, and if he’s really not feeling it, this can be a sign that he wants to push you away.
My advice in this situation?
Give him a little bit of time.
If the only sign that he is scared is that he doesn’t want to meet your family yet, then just take things a bit slower for a bit and see what happens.
Sometimes, waiting a couple more weeks can be enough to really show if he’s into you or not.
If he still doesn’t want to meet your family, then you can be sure that he’s scared of his feelings for you and wants to push you away.
2) He constantly has excuses to not hang out
When a guy likes you he wants to spend as much time with you as possible, but if you’re trying to hang out but he always has an excuse as to why he can’t make it, it’s a classic sign he’s pushing you away.
This is especially true if, in the past, he was the one who was constantly asking you to hang out.
You see, unless something happened and you made him dislike you in a single day, that is a neon sign that he is scared of his feelings.
It’s like he’s trying to push you away before you can push him away.
Don’t worry though, there is a way to find out if that is the case.
If you ask him to hang out and he says no, try asking him again in a couple of days.
If he’s always giving lame reasons for why he can’t hang out with you, he’s trying to slow down the relationship without hurting your feelings.
If you two were hitting it off really well, he’d want to spend as much time with you as possible.
However, if he’s trying to slow things down and avoid spending time with you, he’s either not feeling it or he’s scared and trying to buy some time.
Try not to take it personally and just have fun on your own.
You’re young, you don’t need a boy in your life!
And if he comes back around, great! If not, don’t sweat it! There is plenty of fish in the sea.
Giving him some space might also signal to him that he needs to decide now – is he going to let his fear get in the way or is he going to stop being a wuss and be with you?
3) He’s always busy when you try to plan dates
If he’s always busy whenever you try to plan a date, it could be because he’s truly busy or because he just doesn’t want to spend time with you.
If he’s not busy but he always has an excuse why he can’t hang out with you, it might be that he’s not interested in you or that he’s trying to slow things down to buy time.
If he seems genuinely busy but you’re still pushing for a date, he might like you but is too shy to come out and say so.
You see, the thing is, if a man is into you but is truly busy because of work, he will let you know.
He will be honest with you and tell you that he’s busy or that he can’t hang out because he has work to do.
If a man is genuinely busy, he will make time for you, or he will do everything in his power to let you know that he would love to, but can’t.
Given the fact that you are reading this article, I’m gonna go ahead and guess that this guy is not really showing you clear signs that he likes you.
In this case – did he ever act any different in the past?
There is always the chance that he truly is just busy and didn’t communicate well enough.
He’s either working on a big project at work or he’s got a lot of other things going on in his life that are preventing him from seeing you.
If this is the case, I would say that it’s okay to be upset but you can’t really do much about it.
But if he is treating you completely different now than he did before, that can be a sign that you are being pushed away.
When I was in your shoes, I was at a loss of what to do.
Why did this amazing relationship suddenly turn into a huge nightmare?
I did find an answer to this question, believe it or not!
It all has to do with how you feel about yourself and what kind of relationship you have with yourself.
I know, it sounds a bit silly and like a cliché, but when I was feeling down, I decided to watch a mind-blowing free video by the shaman Rudá Iandê.
He explained how I was actually self-sabotaging my love life without even realizing it!
Suddenly, so much seemed to make sense. I had seen a pattern with my past partners, and his video truly seemed to put the puzzle pieces together for me.
I’m not gonna tell you I wasn’t still hurt about what was going on with this guy, but at least now I understood a bit more about what happened and how I could take my personal power back.
Honestly, I don’t know if it will help you as much as it helped me, but the video is free and it definitely can’t hurt, can it?
4) He’s incredibly disengaged when you’re together
If he’s incredibly disengaged when you two are together, it could mean that he’s either not interested in you or that he’s really, really shy and doesn’t know how to express himself.
If he’s really shy, it’s better to let him go at his pace than to push him into a situation where he’ll feel even more uncomfortable.
But if he’s not shy but is still disengaged, he’s either not interested or he’s trying to slow things down so that he has an excuse to break up with you.
You see, when I was in this exact situation, the guy I was dating just seemed so distant whenever we would be together.
I asked him what was going on and he said that he just wasn’t sure if we were a good match and that he needed some time to think.
I was hurt, but I understood.
But then I realized that when we were together, he would never talk to me about his life, his hopes, and dreams, or anything else that had to do with himself.
This was our problem: I was interested in him, but at the same time, it seemed like he didn’t care about me!
When I asked him why it seemed like this was the case, he told me that it’s because he was not used to talking about himself and expressing his feelings.
And so rather than trying to force him into a situation where he felt uncomfortable (or even just giving up on the relationship altogether), I decided to focus on myself more.
The thing is, you can’t force someone to open up.
If a guy is suddenly more disengaged when you are together, that is a major sign that he is scared of your connection and tries to push you away.
5) He seems freaked out when you talk about the future
If you try to talk to him about your future together and he seems incredibly freaked out, you’ve probably hit on something that he’s really scared of.
If he always avoids talking about the future or shuts down the conversation, he might be too scared to think about the future or he might not be invested in the relationship.
You see, the future is a pretty scary topic, especially for people who are afraid of commitment.
When you bring up the future, he might feel like you are trying to “trap” him into a relationship.
If he seems freaked out, it’s best to back off and let him know that you’re not trying to force anything on him.
It’s a lot better than getting into a huge fight or breaking up with him over something that could have been avoided.
However, if he never wants to talk about the future with you, it might also be time for you to evaluate what you want and need out of the relationship.
I mean sure, you can give someone some time, if that’s what they need, but in reality, you want a man who fully commits to you without a doubt, right?
I know I did, so when the guy I was dating constantly avoided talking about the future, I was pretty much over it.
I knew that in order for me to be truly happy, I needed someone who was fully invested in the relationship.
So when he avoided talking about the future with me, I realized that he wasn’t going to change and he wasn’t the right person for me.
6) He brings up that he’s not looking for a relationship
If you’re interested in a relationship and he rejects you, it’s his way of saying that he’s not interested in a relationship with you.
But if he brings up that he’s not looking for a relationship, he’s trying to get out of the situation as cleanly as possible.
Now: a guy who brings up that he is not looking for a relationship is either A) telling you the truth or
B) scared of committing to someone, so he’s trying to convince himself that he doesn’t want a relationship.
If it’s A), you are probably better off just moving on and finding someone who is looking for a relationship.
However, if it’s B), you might be able to help him out of his fear of commitment and show him that he can have a great relationship with you.
But if he continues to avoid talking about the future with you or brings up that he is not looking for a relationship, it’s probably time to move on.
The thing is, do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you?
And if so, why is that?
Truly asking yourself these questions will help you to make the right decision for yourself in the long run.
Because, believe me, I know that it’s not easy to walk away from a guy when you like him.
But even if he is a great guy and you have fun with him and he is willing to date you right now, if he doesn’t want to commit to you or talk about the future with you, he is not someone that you want to be with, in the long run.
7) He gives vague answers when you ask him questions
If he’s constantly giving vague answers when you ask him questions, it could mean that he’s not interested in you or that he’s trying to avoid the questions and shut down the conversation.
If you’re asking straightforward questions and he’s trying to avoid answering them, it’s a sign that he might be scared of intimacy and pushing you away.
You see, when a guy is really scared of the intensity of a connection, for example, he might avoid answering any questions.
The thing is, he might believe that the less you know about him, the safer it is for him.
However, if you really like this guy, it’s time to talk about it.
You see, if he is scared of intimacy and you are not, he will probably end up pushing you away eventually.
So, if you really want to be with someone who is interested in a relationship with you, it’s time to have a conversation about the future and intimacy.
And believe me: having these uncomfortable conversations are better than being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want one with you!
Sometimes, by talking to him openly, you can actually get him to open up a bit more.
The thing is, if he likes you and is just scared, then you being honest will be a good thing.
If he isn’t interested in you, this might push him further away.
But if you think about it, if he isn’t interested in you, then pushing him away is probably the best thing you could do, so that you can finally move on!
8) He avoids intimacy with you
If he avoids any form of intimacy with you, it could be because he’s not interested in you or because he’s scared to get too close to you.
However, it can also mean that he’s just not ready for a sexual relationship.
If he’s not interested in having sex with you, he could be scared that it would make him too vulnerable.
Now: a guy who isn’t interested at all in a romantic relationship might not have any issues getting intimate with you, he’ll just see you more as a fling.
A guy who truly likes you but is scared of his feelings might be more reluctant.
Because of that, this can be an excellent sign that he is just scared of his feelings for you.
Now: should I tell you a secret?
When I was in this situation, I felt really self-conscious. I thought something might be wrong with me and that’s why he didn’t want to be with me.
That’s when my friend told me to go see a relationship coach.
Honestly, I thought she was kidding, at first.
Why would I go to a relationship coach if I wasn’t even in an official relationship, yet?
But she told me to try it out and that they could help me identify the signs and find a solution to my issue.
She told me to go to Relationship Hero, a website where I could talk to a highly trained relationship coach online.
Reluctantly, I decided to give it a shot. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen, right?
The thing is, the coach I talked to was actually super kind and knowledgeable.
They listened to my whole story and offered advice here and there. In the end, they broke down the signs for me and explained what this situation could mean.
It’s from them that I learned all these signs that he is just scared and pushing me away.
But they didn’t just focus on the relationship (or lack thereof), they also talked about my relationship with myself and why I wanted things to work so badly with this guy.
Honestly, I felt like a changed person after this one little session.
I’m not sure if a relationship coach would be helpful in your specific situation, but I can only tell you that they helped me out tremendously.
I can only recommend them to you!
9) He doesn’t show a lot of affection
If he’s hesitant to show you affection or he avoids physical intimacy with you, he might be scared of getting too close to you.
If he’s not interested in getting close to you, he might not show you affection at all.
If he does show you affection but does it infrequently, he might be scared of getting too close to you.
You see, this is especially true if he used to show you lots of affection, and then all of a sudden, he stopped.
That’s usually a sign that something has changed and he’s not sure how to handle it.
Again, unless you’ve done something that could have totally thrown him off, this is a pretty good sign that he is just scared of his feelings for you.
10) He starts a lot of fights
If you two disagree on something and he starts a fight with you every time, he’s pushing you away.
You see, if he’s trying to push you away, he’ll start fights with you over small issues that don’t matter so that you’ll break up with him.
However, if he has a reason to disagree with you and he’s just passionate about the topic, it could just be a difference of opinion.
The thing is, people who are afraid of commitment will try anything to keep you at an arm’s length.
If you two disagree on something and he starts a fight with you every time, he’s pushing you away.
Why is he scared?
Now that you know all these different signs that he’s scared and pushing you away, you might be asking yourself: why is he scared in the first place?
I mean, if you are both happy, then why would that be scary for him?
The thing is, some people have a fear of commitment, and they are basically afraid of making the wrong choice and ending up with the wrong person.
If you pay attention, you might notice that he’s scared because he wants to keep his options open.
He doesn’t want to commit to a relationship with someone who might not be the right one for him.
If he commits to someone, he will be forced to give up all of his other options, and that’s something that scares him.
But that’s not always the reason.
Some guys are also scared because they are afraid that intimacy will make them vulnerable.
You see, he might have gone through some trauma in the past of as a child that left him believing that loving someone isn’t safe.
That’s why he is scared of getting too close to you.
Of course, this reason is less common.
If you’re wondering why your man is pushing you away, remember that the best way to find out the real reason is to ask him.
If he really cares about you, then he will be willing to tell you how he feels and why he is acting this way.
If not, then it’s time to move on.
Why are you staying?
Okay, so I’m putting this section in here for a very specific reason:
Because I wish I could have read something like this when I was in your situation.
You might not like it, and it might be uncomfortable, but I want you to ask yourself: why are you staying with someone who is pushing you away?
You see, so many women have no problem immediately moving on if a man doesn’t appreciate them enough or treat them the way they know they deserve.
But what about you?
Are you staying with this guy even though he keeps pushing you away?
Is it because you think that he might change and start treating you better sometime soon?
Or maybe it’s because you are afraid to be alone, and your fear of loneliness is bigger than your fear of being treated badly.
Or maybe it’s because deep inside, there is a part of you that believes that you deserve to be treated poorly?
I know, this can be really triggering to read, but it’s important that you ask yourself these questions.
You see, in my situation, it was a mix of all these reasons.
And so after talking to a coach at Relationship Hero, I realized that the most problematic relationship in my life was not with this guy, it was with myself!
Your happiness should never come last.
If someone is willing to treat you badly, then it’s time for you to leave.
You deserve to be treated with love and respect, and that’s why I want you to know that there are plenty of amazing men out there who will treat you the way you deserve.
So if this guy keeps pushing you away, I don’t care if he is scared or just a jerk, he needs to understand that in order to be with you, he needs to treat you right.
Think about it: if you start the relationship like this, letting him treat you like crap, what do you think will happen 2 years down the line, or 5 years later?
He will know that you are so desperate to be with him that you don’t care how he treats you, so he will keep taking advantage of you.
And then you will realize that you are actually in a codependent relationship, where he is controlling your self-worth and your happiness.
Don’t let this happen to yourself!
You deserve better!
I know this whole section is a bit harsh, but the thing is, I didn’t understand this truth for a long time, and I wish I had known it sooner.
Don’t take this article as a sign that a guy doesn’t like you, but rather as a sign that he’s scared and needs more time before he can open up to you.
The best thing you can do is give him the space and time he needs to feel comfortable opening up to you.
If you want to build a long-lasting relationship, you have to be patient and give him the time he needs to open up to you.
If you notice that he’s showing a couple of these signs, try not to take it personally.
Once he’s comfortable enough to open up to you, you’ll be happier because you’ll know exactly what you’re dealing with.
However, don’t let him use you, either.
If you are not getting your needs met in this relationship, it might be time to leave it be and move on.
You shouldn’t compromise your happiness for a guy to feel comfortable.
Sure, you can give him a little time, but at some point, you need to know that it’s time to respect yourself.
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