Nobody gets married with divorce in mind. Yet, according to the American Psychological Association, 40 to 50 percent of all married couples end up getting divorced.
Why do married couples divorce? To investigate the question, a study was carried out where over 100 YourTango Experts explained why divorce happens. The reason that stuck out for me was “unmet expectations”, which according to Derek Harvey is the silent killer of relationships.
To be on the same page as your partner, consider asking your partner these questions:
1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?
2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?
3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?
4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?
8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?
9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?
10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?
11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
12) What does my family do that annoys you?
13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?
15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?
By sharing your perspectives on these topics beforehand, uncertainties are clarified and negotiations are made. By laying all your cards on the table, you are not entering marriage with a blindfold.
Instead, you learn to compromise because when you love, it is better to bend than to break.