I’ve been together with my girlfriend for 3 years and am overall really happy with how the relationship has progressed. We started dating when we were both 20 and have since moved in together. We share a lot of similar interests and spend most of our free time together with no real issues, which is why I was surprised around the start of the year when she told me that either we get married next year or she’s out. I’m in no rush to get married and if I’m honest, it’s not even on my cards for the next few years. I want to be at least 25, if not older before settling down properly. I love her but I also don’t want to be forced into proposing before I’m ready. There are various cultural differences between her family and mine, and I know they’re also putting pressure on her to get married, but I’m lost at what to do next. I’ve tried telling her that I’m not ready in countless conversations but she’s stopped talking to me about marriage altogether and is just telling family and friends that we’re engaged and set to be married next year. She’s even bought herself a cheap fake ring to try and convince them… – Anon
Dear Anonymous,
Firstly, take a deep breath. It’s totally understandable that you’re feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed. Ultimatums, especially ones as big as marriage, aren’t exactly the stuff of romantic comedies, are they?
Now, let’s get real. You’re 23, you’ve been with your girlfriend since you were both basically kids, and you’re happy. That’s fantastic! But her ultimatum, coupled with the pressure from her family, has thrown a wrench in the works. And let’s be clear – what she’s doing, telling everyone you’re engaged and wearing a fake ring when you haven’t even proposed, is not okay. It’s disrespectful and manipulative.
I get it, you love her, and the idea of losing her is terrifying. But you know what’s even more terrifying? Waking up one day, years down the line, resenting the fact that you were pressured into a marriage you weren’t ready for.
Here’s the thing: you’re 23. You have your whole life ahead of you. You’re still figuring out who you are, what you want from life, and what kind of future you envision for yourself. And that’s perfectly normal! Marriage is a huge commitment, and it’s not something to rush into just because someone else is pressuring you.
You’ve already tried talking to her, and it seems like she’s not listening. So, it’s time to put your foot down. You need to have a serious conversation with her and make it clear that you are not engaged, and you will not be getting married next year. Explain that you love her, but you’re not ready for that level of commitment yet.
If she’s unwilling to respect your wishes and continues to push for marriage or spread the false engagement news, then you might have to make some tough decisions about the future of your relationship.
Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and understanding. You deserve a partner who values your feelings and is willing to support your decisions, even if they don’t align perfectly with their own timeline.
You’ve got this. Be strong, be honest, and don’t let anyone pressure you into something you’re not ready for.
All the best,
Evie.
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