in , , ,

“He was so into me then stopped” – 20 reasons why it happens (and what to do next)

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

 

So, your guy was head over heels in love with you and has suddenly gone cold.

Let’s face it, sometimes, guys just lose interest.

But why? Want to know if it’s you or him?

In this article, we’ll explore the possible reasons he stopped being into you as well as what you can do about it.

Let’s start by looking at the 20 reasons guys lose interest in a girl they were really into:

1) You’re too available

If you’re all too available, it means that he can see you whenever he wants.

If he knows that you would drop everything for him, or if he can get you any time he wants, he will lose interest.

You see, guys love the chase. They love the thrill of going after a girl they can’t easily have.

He needs to think that if he doesn’t make a move, he might lose you.

When a man knows he can have you whenever he wants you, he feels like he has nothing to lose and there’s no point in putting in the effort.

If you are in this situation, it might be time to create some distance between the two of you so that he can become interested and start chasing you again.

You can do this by not responding to him as quickly or by making plans with friends instead of him. This will make him realize how much he wants you and that he needs to work to get you.

2) You have an annoying habit or behavior

Everybody has a bad habit or annoying personality trait.

He might have been willing to overlook it because he was attracted to you, but now that he’s spent time with you, he’s realized that it’s a real issue.

He could start losing interest if he finds that your bad habit or annoying trait is something he can’t get past or deal with.

What can you do about it?

Try and find out what it is that bugs him and see if you can alter that behavior.

For example, maybe he doesn’t like the fact that you bite your nails or smoke indoors.

If you really like him, then you should seriously consider getting rid of those annoying habits to get him interested again.

3) He doesn’t feel needed

Here’s another reason he may have lost interest – he didn’t feel like you needed him.

There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the ‘hero instinct’.

This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.

I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.

The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.

When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.

But how do you trigger this instinct in him?

The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.

If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.

I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.

Here’s a link to his unique video again.

4) You don’t challenge him

If you want him to stay interested, he needs to be mentally stimulated by you.

He needs to feel challenged by your conversation, your humor, and your personality. If you don’t challenge him, he will likely become bored with you.

For example, if all you ever talk about is romance and the latest gossip about celebrities, he might lose interest.

Or if all you talk about is politics and how to save the world from all its problems, he might lose interest as well.

The thing is that you need a balance of both lighthearted and heavy topics so that it keeps him on his toes and interested in what you have to say next. What’s more, you should really try to stick to topics that you know he’s into.

5) He feels like you’re rushing into a relationship

Some men want to jump into a relationship immediately, while others want to take things slowly.

If you’re moving too fast for his liking, it may be the reason that he’s suddenly gone cold.

In my experience, if you’re putting pressure on him to make a decision about your relationship that he’s not ready for, he will go running. If he likes you, but he just isn’t ready to commit, you need to back off and give him space.

Be patient. You can’t rush him into a relationship, and you shouldn’t try to force his hand because it will only backfire.

6) You don’t make an effort with his friends or family

He may have been super into you, but if you didn’t make an effort to get along with his friends and family, it’s probably one of the reasons he’s lost interest.

The truth is that you can’t just expect him to spend all of his time with you while ignoring everyone else in his life. He needs to see that you care about them as well.

For example, if he invites you over for dinner with the folks and you don’t even try to get along with his mother and father – people that mean the world to him – he’s not going to want to take things further.

You need to show that you are interested in the people he cares about the most by making an effort to get along with them. And if you can’t make yourself like them, then you can at least act civilized and make an effort.

7) What would a relationship coach say?

While the reasons in this article will help you figure out why he stopped being so into you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

That’s what I recently did.

When I was at my worst point in my relationship I reached out to a relationship coach to see if they could give me any answers or insights.

I expected some vague advice about cheering up or being strong.

But surprisingly I got very in-depth, specific, and practical advice about addressing the problems in my relationship. This included real solutions to improving many things that my boyfriend and I had been struggling with for ages.

Relationship Hero is where I found this special coach who helped turn things around for me. They are perfectly placed to help you get him interested in you again.

Relationship Hero is a hugely popular relationship coaching site because they provide solutions, not just talk.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to check them out.

8) He doesn’t feel like you get him

If a guy feels like you don’t understand him or that you’re not interested in who he is as a person, he will become indifferent to you and your relationship.

Men are creatures of comfort, and if they don’t feel comfortable around you, they will not be interested in you.

If a guy feels like he can’t open up to you, he won’t feel comfortable spending time with you, let alone having a relationship with you.

So, if you don’t want him to completely lose interest, you need to make a real effort to get to know him.

Find out his likes and dislikes. Suggest doing something together that he likes – like going to a football game or jazz gig. Find out what makes him tick.

Trust me, he just wants to be with someone who really sees and understands him.

9) He has a wandering eye

While there are many reasons why guys lose interest, unfortunately, one of the most common is that they simply want something else.

They may want a girl they can’t have because they’re not ready to commit to a relationship.

They may want a girl who looks a certain way and you don’t fit their criteria. Or they may want someone they can’t have because she is in a relationship.

This type of guy is often referred to as a “bad Boy”. He is the guy who doesn’t want you, he wants what he can’t have.

Bad boys love a challenge because they can’t accept a girl who is interested in them. They thrive on attention from other girls and are most likely to lose interest in a girl once she has stopped paying attention to them.

10) He doesn’t find you attractive physically

Physical attraction is a powerful thing and can make or break a relationship right from the start.

If a guy is not physically attracted to you, there is very little chance he will be interested in a relationship, let alone have the desire to have sex with you.

Maybe he seemed really into you because he likes you as a person and he thought that it could be more than friendship, but because he still feels no attraction, he’s gone cold.

On the flip side, if you are attracted to him, and he feels the same, things will move forward quickly.

If you’re not sure if he is attracted to you, look for the signs. If a guy is not attracted to you, these signs will become evident quickly. He will not make eye contact with you, he will not kiss you when you’re together, and he will not want to be seen with you in public.

Now, many people will say that physical attraction is out of your control and normally I’d agree… but there’s actually one thing that you can do to make a guy attracted to you!

This relates back to what I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.

When a man is made to feel needed, wanted, and respected, he’s more likely to become physically attracted to you.

And it’s as simple as knowing the right things to say to trigger his hero instinct and make him into the man he’s always wanted to be.

All of that and more is revealed in this excellent free video by James Bauer. It’s absolutely worth checking out if you’re ready to take things to the next level with your man.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

11) You constantly nag him

There are a few relationship mistakes that will cause a guy to stop being into you as quickly as nagging.

If you are constantly nagging your guy about little things, don’t be surprised if he loses interest in you.

Nagging is a sign of insecurity and is very unattractive. It’s certain to drive even the nicest guy away.

If you like to nag your guy, try to stop. There is a fine line between nagging and constructive criticism.

All in all, if you want to keep him, you have to stop nagging!

12) You constantly talk about your ex

If you are constantly talking about your ex, your current guy will wonder why you are with him.

He will wonder why he doesn’t measure up to your previous relationship and he will wonder why he’s with you.

If your guy has stopped being into you, then you might want to stop talking about your ex and focus on the guy in front of you, before he gets away!

13) You have no chemistry

Chemistry is something you can’t really put your finger on.

You can’t really see chemistry; it’s something you feel. If you are constantly feeling like you don’t have chemistry with your current guy, it’s probably because you don’t and he feels it too, that’s why he’s no longer so keen to be with you.

14) You’re too desperate

Let’s be honest here: Desperation is a big turn-off.

If you’re falling all over him and are always around, he might end up feeling suffocated.

If you’re always texting, calling, and hanging around him, a guy might feel that you’re desperate for him to like you.

Act like you have your own life, but aren’t afraid to share it with him. Everyone likes to feel wanted, but they don’t like to feel like they are being stalked or chased.

Spend time with your friends, keep your hobbies, and don’t depend on him to fill your life. Be the person you want to be instead of trying to change who you are to please him.

15) You have different goals in life

It’s important to have the same goals in life when you are in a relationship. If you don’t, then your relationship will likely not last very long.

For example, if his goal is to be rich and famous and yours is to be a stay-at-home mom, then he isn’t going to be happy in your relationship because he will get bored with it.

If your goal is to travel the world and his is to own a home in the suburbs, you will not likely make it as a couple either.

The bottom line is that if your goals are so very different from each other, you need to talk about them before getting too serious and try to figure out if you can compromise and work things out or not.

16) He is seeing someone else

Maybe the reason that he stopped being so into you is that he’s seeing someone else.

You might not like it, but this is the reality of dating in the modern world. If your guy is losing interest in you, it’s a good idea to ask him point blank if he is seeing someone else.

If he is, it will save you both a lot of trouble and heartbreak in the long run.

There are far too many other fish in the sea, and you don’t want to waste your time on a guy that doesn’t want you.

17) You take him for granted

If you take him for granted, he will get bored with your relationship very quickly.

Now, when he does something nice for you or does something that makes your life easier, don’t take it for granted by assuming that he will always do those things for you or that everyone else would do them as well.

If you want to keep him interested in you, make an effort to show him how much his actions mean to you and let him know that you appreciate him!

18) You’re trying too hard to impress him

Some guys have a thing for women who are confident and sure of themselves, but others are turned off by women who try too hard to impress them.

If you’re always trying to buy him drinks, taking him to fancy restaurants, or trying to impress him with your work or life, he will be turned off.

You don’t have to go out of your way to impress a man. Impress him by being you.

Let him be the judge of whether he likes you or not. If he feels like you’re trying too hard, he may lose interest.

19) He thinks you’re easy

Some guys will lose interest in you if they think you’re an easy mark.

I know that it’s not fair because we have double standards for men and women, but if he thinks you’re easy, he might think you’re not worth his time.

Respect yourself and don’t sleep with him too soon.

Make him wait. Make him work for it. Let him know that you’re not looking for a one-night stand.

If you want to sleep with him, make it clear that it’s something you’d like to happen after a few weeks or months of dating. Otherwise, there’s a big chance he’ll think you’re a slut.

20) He finds you boring

I’m sorry to say that maybe he’s not into you anymore because he finds you boring.

For example, if you don’t have a lot of hobbies and interests, if you spend most of your time at home, or if you keep talking about the same things over and over again, he may find you boring.

If you want to keep him interested in you, then you have to show him that you’re fun to be around.

Try to get out of your comfort zone. Do something fun together. Try new things and go to new places.

Don’t be afraid of a little adventure.

8 tips to keep a guy interested: the secrets you need to know

Now that we’ve had a look at the possible reasons he’s no longer into you, let’s see what you can do about it!

1) Be confident

Confidence is a huge part of keeping a guy interested.

On the one hand, if you’re confident, it will draw him to you and make him want to be around you more often.

On the other hand, if you lack confidence, he will likely feel it and be turned off by it.

A lot of the time, women who lack confidence are too eager for his attention, which can make him feel as if he is being chased.

Be confident in yourself and your abilities, and show it. There is nothing that will turn a guy off more than a woman who lacks confidence.

2) Be mysterious

If you are too available and willing to see him, it will make him feel as though you don’t have much going on in your life, which can go a long way toward making him lose interest.

If you are always available to spend time with him, he may not feel like he has to chase after you to get you to spend time together.

You want to keep him wanting more and wondering what you are doing on a regular basis.

Not only will this keep his interest, but it will make him see you as a valuable and interesting person. If you are always around, he may not get the chance to see this.

3) Show your independence

It’s important to show your independence and give him the sense that you have a life of your own.

However, don’t go overboard, as that can go toward making him feel like you aren’t interested in him, which isn’t the case.

Find ways to show him that you have a life of your own, like making plans with friends and carving out time for yourself and your interests.

This will let him know that you aren’t desperate for his attention and that you have things going on in your life that don’t involve him.

Trust me, this will make him want you more and keep him interested in you.

4) Be fun

One of the best ways to keep a guy interested is to be fun to be around.

If you are always hanging out in a serious and boring atmosphere, he may not want to be around you. Make sure you are having fun when you are with him, and that your relationship is fun.

Now, it may seem like a trivial thing, but it is important. If you are fun to be around, he will want to spend more time with you and be more invested in the relationship.0

5) Don’t show too much interest right away

If you are too eager to spend time with him and show him that you are interested in him, he may become turned off.

You want to show interest in him, but you don’t want to show too much. If you are too eager, it will come off as desperate, and that’s never attractive.

Instead, let the relationship progress at a slower pace. Let him come to you.

6) Help him feel good about himself

One of the best ways to keep a guy interested is to show him that you care about him and that he has something to offer the world.

You see, if he feels good about himself, it will make him want to spend more time with you, as he will want to be with you when he feels good about himself.

Be positive and supportive when you are with him and don’t put him down.

Be the person that he wants to be around and someone who makes him feel good about himself.

7. Have your own life and friends

If you are always around him and don’t have any friends or interests outside of him, he may come to view you as clingy and desperate.

If you are always around him and don’t have friends, family, or interests outside of the relationship, it may come off as desperation.

Instead, make sure you have your own life and friends outside of him so that it doesn’t appear that you are always waiting for him to come around or waiting for him to be free to spend time with you.

8) Give him space when he needs it

Sometimes a guy will just need some space.

When this happens, don’t take it personally. It may just be that he is going through a personal issue or is feeling overwhelmed.

If he asks for some space, give it to him. Let him know that you care about him and want to be there for him, but respect his wishes when he asks for some space.

If you are always around when he wants some space, he may feel suffocated. Don’t be scared to spend some time apart, it will be good for you too!

So now you should have a good idea of why a guy that was super into you has suddenly lost interest and what you can do to keep him interested.

And if you’re still unsure?

Well, I mentioned the unique concept of the hero instinct earlier. It’s revolutionized the way I understand how men work in relationships.

You see, when you trigger a man’s hero instinct, all those emotional walls come down. He feels better in himself and he’ll naturally begin to associate those good feelings with you.

And it’s all down to knowing how to trigger these innate drivers that motivate men to love, commit, and protect.

So if you’re ready to take your relationship to that level, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.

Click here to watch his excellent free video

15 signs a married female coworker likes you but is hiding it

10 steps to forgive yourself after infidelity