Are you in a relationship with someone who says they love you, but they just don’t show it?
I have been there, and I know how painful and confusing it can be.
The good news? This doesn’t need to be a life sentence!
I figured out a few ways to help you out in that situation!
They worked for me, so I’m confident they will work for you, too!
1) Communicate more clearly
Part of the problem may be that you aren’t communicating clearly enough.
Ask yourself: how are you showing him that you need and want more affection, attention, love, and time from him?
If you don’t know, then start small by looking at the things he does that you do appreciate, and let him know.
If you are not letting him know what you want, he can’t give it to you!
If you aren’t specific about what you need and want, he can’t give it to you!
You can also communicate more clearly by making sure you are not accidentally shutting him out.
You see, when you don’t talk about what is bothering you, he might not even know that something is wrong!
I know, it sounds incredible, but people often don’t realize what is going on in their relationships unless you make it crystal clear for them!
Trust me, when I was in that situation, I didn’t realize how I was coming across!
I wish someone had told me that it wasn’t normal to be in a relationship where my boyfriend didn’t want to touch me or spend time with me.
If you don’t let your partner know what is bothering you, they won’t know what is wrong.
If you are worried about being judged for voicing your needs, remember that most people have had the same thoughts and worries that you have!
That brings me to my second point:
2) Be honest about your needs
If you think that he is not meeting your needs, then it’s important, to be honest with him about what those needs are.
You might think that you need more attention, affection, and love, but if you don’t let him know what those needs are, he can’t give them to you.
You might think that he should know what your needs are without you having to say anything–but he doesn’t!
He can’t read your mind, so you have to communicate with him.
Ask yourself: what do you want? What do you need? What does a fulfilling relationship look like for you?
You see, people grow up in very different ways, and what is normal to one person, might not even cross the other person’s mind!
So, instead of being upset that he is not meeting your needs, voice them so he knows what they are!
If you don’t, then he will never know what they are.
As the saying goes, “If you don’t ask, then you don’t get it!”
But how do you let him know?
You might be worried that he’ll reject your needs or wants.
I have good news for you: even if he doesn’t meet all of your needs or wants, it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed.
It just means that there is room for improvement and growth within the relationship.
But if he doesn’t meet any of your needs even after you specifically asked him to, he might be showing you his true face and you will know that it is time to move on!
3) Make him find you irresistible
If you want more attention, love, and affection from him, you have to give him a reason to give it to you! Make yourself more attractive to him.
Focus on becoming the best version of yourself.
Take care of yourself physically and mentally, and make yourself more irresistible.
Do things that make you happy, and do things that make you feel good about yourself.
Be playful and lighthearted, and be silly sometimes. Be vulnerable and let him see the real you.
However, there is also a little secret I have yet to share with you.
It’s how I got my man to commit to me fully, without much effort.
Want to know more? Okay, but don’t judge it right away, okay?
You do it by bringing out his inner hero.
I know, I thought it sounded stupid at first, too, but it is actually based on a psychological concept by James Bauer.
Once you learn how to trigger a guy’s hero instinct, he will find you irresistible.
Trust me, I tried it and it worked like a charm.
Want to learn how to do it? The easiest way is by watching a free video (yes, it’s free!)
You won’t regret it!
4) Set boundaries and don’t tolerate certain behaviors
If he is not meeting your needs, or if he is doing things that you don’t like, you have to let him know.
If he is doing things that you don’t like without you saying anything, he will think that is normal behavior and keep doing those things.
He has to know that it is not normal and that you don’t like it.
You have to set boundaries for him, and you have to let him know when he crosses them.
If he does something you don’t like, you have to let him know.
You don’t have to justify yourself or your feelings–you just have to let him know that he did something you don’t like and he needs to stop.
Keeping your boundaries and being firm is the best way to get him to change his behavior.
If he doesn’t change his behavior, you have to make a decision: Do you want him in your life even if he doesn’t change? If not, then you have to let him go.
5) Don’t be afraid to end the relationship if things don’t change
If he doesn’t meet your needs and you have tried to communicate with him and set boundaries, you may have to end the relationship.
You may also want to end the relationship if you feel like you are putting in more effort than he is, and he does not seem to be changing his behavior.
Relationships should be balanced, and both people are should be investing about the same level of energy into it.
If one person is doing more than the other person, that is not equitable, and it is not a good relationship.
Trust me, there are so many men out there who would be happy to give you the world if you just let them!
So, don’t settle for less than you deserve.
6) Take care of yourself
You have to take care of yourself. If you are feeling needy, desperate, and desperate for more attention, affection, and love from him, you have to take care of yourself first.
If you are addicted to his attention, he can’t give you what you need.
You have to take care of yourself first. You have to take care of your own needs so that you can ask for what you need from him without seeming like you are a bottomless pit that will never be satisfied.
When I was in your situation, I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was really codependent on this guy to make me feel loved.
When I was with him, I didn’t feel like I was worthy of love, so I needed him to make me feel loved.
I needed him to tell me that he loved me and wanted to be with me.
I needed him to tell me that he valued our relationship and that he would always be there for me no matter what happened in our relationship.
But, when he wasn’t giving me what I needed from him, it was a lot harder for me to ask for what I needed from him.
And when he wasn’t giving it to me, I felt like a bottomless pit that couldn’t be satisfied no matter how much effort I put into making myself happy.
Once I learned how to take care of myself, I realized that I didn’t need to accept any less behavior anymore!
7) Ask yourself: is there a reason he doesn’t show his love?
Is there a reason that he doesn’t show his love? Is he afraid of getting hurt or being rejected? Is he a very private person and doesn’t like being very affectionate in public?
Is he very misguided and thinks that real love is all about buying material things for your partner?
Is he emotionally immature and just doesn’t know how to show his love in a meaningful way?
Is he a saver and doesn’t like spending money on things for you?
Maybe he is afraid of commitment and relationships.
Is he afraid of getting his feelings hurt? Is there an issue like a past relationship or past trauma that is causing him to act this way?
You see, there are thousands of reasons why men don’t show their love.
And, many of these are fear-based.
Understanding where he is coming from can help you to deal with this situation.
8) Take a break to reset and heal
Sometimes a break is needed to reset and heal.
Maybe you two aren’t on the same page, or maybe there are deeper issues to deal with.
If it seems like he doesn’t understand what you are needing or if you are both just too anxious and stressed out, a break may be what you both need.
Even if you are not the one who wants to break up and end the relationship, a break can be helpful.
It gives you time to heal, be alone, and process what is going on, and it gives him time to process the breakup.
It gives you both time to get to a better place and be better prepared to re-enter the dating world and start fresh.
And who knows, maybe a break is exactly what you needed to find your way to one another again!
9) Talk to a relationship coach
If you are having a hard time communicating with him and he doesn’t seem to understand what you are needing or if you feel like the relationship is going nowhere, you may want to speak to a relationship coach.
A coach can help you with communication, boundary setting, and healing from past relationships and past traumas.
But not just that, a coach can help you get clarity around what you want in a relationship and help you break through any roadblocks that you are facing.
I remember going to a relationship coach for help with my situation.
I went to Relationship Hero, a site with tons of highly qualified coaches.
The best part? I could do it all from the comfort of my own home.
I talked to the coach myself at first, and he gave me amazing advice on what to do in my situation.
He also explained why my boyfriend might be acting the way he was.
After the session, I felt amazing and knew exactly which steps to take to bring our relationship to a healthier place again!
I can only recommend them to you if you are in the same situation!
10) Remember it has nothing to do with you, personally
If he doesn’t show you love or attention, it has nothing to do with you personally.
It is not a reflection of your value or worth. It is a reflection of his ability to be in a relationship.
If he doesn’t meet your needs, it doesn’t mean that you are not good enough or that you are unlovable.
It just means that he has some work to do.
People can’t change who they are or what they do until they are ready.
You can’t change him, but you can change how you respond to him.
You can’t control how he shows you love or if he does at all–but you can control how you react when he doesn’t.
You can control how you react to him and the situations you are in.
You can control how you respond to his lack of love and attention and you can control how you respond to your own pain and disappointment.
With that in mind, the power is actually all yours to take!
You will be okay
Whether he finally shows you his love or you end up parting ways – you will be okay either way.
Trust me with this, no matter what happens, it will be for the best.
I learned that from experience and it has always come true.
You are exactly where you need to be and everything that happens is meant to be.