Natasha Combrink
Do you feel overwhelmed with rage when your partner gives you the silent treatment? Or find it absolutely annoying when unexpected guests show up at your house?
Does it ever feel like you’re not in control of your emotions one second, but the next, you’ve got them on a leash?
This could be a sign that you’re emotionally immature.
I know the feeling. Even when I practiced staying calm during expected situations, I couldn’t when the moment came. Something in me just took over.
After researching emotional intelligence, I realized I wasn’t putting myself first. This led to stress and burnout, causing the inability to regulate my emotions.
Emotionally intelligent people prioritize themselves through habits you’ve probably never thought of. And while some of these may seem contradictory, I can vouch that they work!
So, if you want to be more level-headed, you’ve got to do what emotionally intelligent people do.
Want to know what that is? Well, first off…
1) They actively seek growth opportunities.
Emotionally intelligent people know they’re not perfect. They always look for ways to learn and improve themselves. And they bring this growth mindset to their relationships too.
My husband grew up with a mom who did everything. He wanted me to be the same. But this isn’t the 1900s.
It didn’t take him long to realize that he needed to help me around the house. And he was willing to.
Because my husband generally has a drive for personal development, doing this for our relationship was no different. He understood my feelings and needs and knew he had to be more supportive.
So instead of clinging to the patriarchy he once believed in, he adapted.
Growth can be difficult, but emotionally intelligent people embrace it. And to do this best…
2) They regularly leave their comfort zones.
There’s no better way to grow than doing something different from what you know.
This could be:
- Reading a book you thought you’d never pick up.
- Giving someone a call instead of sending a text.
- Doing something your partner enjoys but you hate.
Look, I’m not saying you should do things you absolutely cannot, for whatever reason.
But if you’ve always wanted to do something and the opportunity is there, take it.
Emotionally intelligent people know that trying new things and taking on challenges is great for personal progress. They stay open to new possibilities that can propel them forward.
It also helps them create stronger bonds in their relationships. They discover more about their partner by sharing experiences and venturing into uncharted territory.
But they also know where to draw the line. That’s why…
3) They set boundaries.
Emotionally intelligent people might seem up to anything, but they know when something isn’t good for them.
Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship – with others and yourself.
Here’s an example:
I love doing crafty things. I’m down if you call me asking that I make a piñata for your kid’s birthday or help you design and set up a gin bar.
But there was a time when I didn’t know when to say no. I would feel stressed and overwhelmed, and my husband would suffer.
I had to learn that having limitations is okay. And setting boundaries to take care of myself and maintain my emotional well-being was necessary.
Being able to set boundaries is a sign of self-awareness and self-respect. It’s great being in a relationship with someone who has this characteristic.
4) They prioritize self-care.
People who are in tune with their emotions know that taking care of themselves first will help them better care for their partner and friends. Most have micro habits to ensure they’re always their best self.
Look:
Self-care may seem selfish. But it really isn’t. Let’s talk about how my husband used to act when he had a stressful week at work:
- He used to bottle up his emotions.
- He used to burn himself out.
- When it was finally too much, he would take it out on me.
This led to preventable conflict in our relationship.
Now, he goes hunting or spends more time in the garden whenever he feels overwhelmed. Sure, I feel a little alone when prioritizing self-care also means he wants to be on his own. But our marriage has never been better.
By investing in their emotional, physical, and mental health, emotionally intelligent people can bring their best selves into their relationships.
Another reason they have the energy and emotional capacity to be present and supportive is that…
5) They practice mindfulness.
There are a bunch of reasons why mindfulness is a positive thing. When you practice mindfulness, you learn to understand the world and the people around you on a deeper level.
Emotionally intelligent people use mindfulness to improve themselves. They learn to be more patient, accepting, and trusting.
But what does this mean for your relationship?
Well, when your partner engages in mindfulness, they develop a heightened sense of awareness. This means they also learn to be more present. You’ll have a partner who:
- Is more likely to be fully attentive when you’re together.
- Knows how to actively listen.
- Knows how to respond with understanding.
This level of presence and attentiveness will create a deeper connection between you.
Mindfulness is a helpful tool. That’s why it has become a daily habit for me. It helps me be better.
There are different ways to incorporate mindfulness into your day. You can journal, meditate, or mindfully do mundane tasks. The main result?
Heightened emotional awareness.
Emotionally intelligent people recognize and connect with their inner selves when practicing mindfulness. This is also why…
6) They regularly reflect on their emotions.
By reflecting on their emotions, emotionally intelligent people can:
- Recognize and address underlying issues.
- Find healthier ways to cope.
- Develop strategies for emotional resilience.
When you do this, you improve your ability to self-regulate and make better decisions while overwhelmed with emotions.
This is especially helpful when you’re in a relationship.
Think about those moments of disagreement that inevitably arise. If you can regulate your emotions during them, you can avoid impulsive or hurtful reactions.
By keeping their emotions in check, emotionally intelligent people approach conflicts with a level head.
If you’re struggling with emotional regulation, getting to the root of the issue can be helpful.
You see, most of it stems from childhood trauma and the complicated relationship it leads to with ourselves.
Think about it – it’s impossible to fix the external without taking care of the internal first.
I struggled with emotional regulation. When my husband and I argued, the screaming came from me. I knew this was something I had to work on.
I watched this incredible free video on Love and Intimacy from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê.
His teachings helped me realize that I was co-dependent and acting irrationally during arguments out of fear. Identifying this was the first step I had to take to overcome it.
Starting with myself improved my marriage greatly! Check out the free video here.
You’ll find practical solutions and much more in Rudá’s powerful teachings. These solutions will stay with you for life.
PS: Halfway through the video, I got into my own head. Self-reflection can be hurtful!
But I remembered something else emotionally intelligent people do. And since I wanted to become one, I did it too.
Want to know what it is?
7) They stay optimistic.
Emotionally intelligent people are generally more aware of their emotions, have better control over their reactions, and have a greater understanding of how feelings impact them.
This self-awareness often helps them have a more positive outlook on life.
If you’re friends with or in a relationship with an optimistic person, the environment they create around you will be uplifting and supportive. It’ll feel good to have them in your bubble!
Emotionally intelligent people make it a habit to see the good in crappy situations. This, in turn, enhances their problem-solving skills and helps them form deeper connections with people.
Learning to regulate your emotions can improve your life. When you can’t control your feelings, it’s easy to get stuck on them.
You’ll open yourself to enlightening experiences if you implement these habits. Try it. What do you have to lose?
