Girlfriend let another man sleep on our couch after a night out – is this bad news for our relationship?

My super sweet and kind gf (26) brought one of her friends (who is a guy) home after a night out. She told me when we both woke up that he was still in our shared and apartment and crashing on the couch. Things were a little awkward the next morning (at least between me at him since we have only met twice). They’ve been friends for a long time, never had any romantic involvement, and he lives quite far away. They were also both pretty drunk when they came in. Is this normal behavior or something I should be worried about? Part of me wonders whether this is a red flag and that she might cheat on me down the line.


Hi there,

Everything has different standards and boundaries when it comes to relationships and what we are comfortable with.

In your case, this seems very much not to be an issue of cheating (especially as you mentioned that your girlfriend is sweet and kind by nature). Rather, it seems to me more of an issue regarding whether or not you’re comfortable with sofa surfers!

Given that you mention her kindness, it’s likely that she did extend the invite (or accept his request) to spend the night owing to him living further away for valid reasons. Additionally, a night on a sofa is always far safer than drunk driving. This sort of kindness is no doubt a trait that you admire in her, so I would think carefully about not chastising her for acting upon the same altruism you so value.

That being said, few people enjoy waking up and finding a near stranger on their couch first thing in the morning.

So if unexpected house guests are not something you’re comfortable with, let her know. And if the topic hasn’t ever been discussed before, I would avoid criticizing her for making that decision. Instead, state your discomfort at hosting unexpected sofa guests and set boundaries to prevent the same from happening in the future. You could even voice that this boundary is due to a fear of theft or because you highly value your personal and private space as opposed to any mistrust in her (if she has yet to jeopardize your trust in any way).

Hope that helps and that you avoid waking up to any future surprises!

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Evie is on a mission to revolutionize relationships and help you sort through your emotional woes. Her popular column helps readers break free from societal restraints and create empowering relationships - both with their inner selves and with those around them. With a wealth of experience in relationship counseling, backed by several professional certifications, she’s open-minded, big-hearted, and extremely compassionate… But she’ll also be completely honest in telling you the (sometimes) brutal truth, so you can get straight to the heart of the matter. Maybe you’re trying to save a marriage that currently feels like a sinking ship? Or worrying that your new friend isn’t quite as nice as they seem? Perhaps you’ve accidentally killed your partner’s goldfish and are weighing up the pros and cons of going to the pet store and finding a doppelganger, or fessing up? Whatever the dilemma, Evie’s at the ready to help sort through the emotional turmoil and guide you towards the next best step. To get in touch with Evie, click here.

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