“Ex-girlfriend wants to be friends but ignores me” – 9 tips if this is you

We all fall in love, but sometimes, things don’t work out.

Oftentimes in the case of a breakup, people flounder around not knowing what to do next.

A breakup that includes a promise that you’ll still be friends can make things a little more difficult.

Understanding why your ex isn’t acting like a friend or is ignoring you, is essential to getting your life back on track.

Here are some tips why your ex-girlfriend wants to be friends but ignores you, that will help calm your mind, keep you from relapsing into your old situation and achieve friendship with your ex-girlfriend.

1) Your ex still loves and cares for you.

You may take “ignoring” as a bad sign. But that’s not always the case.

Your ex is probably ignoring you because they still have feelings for you. They’re probably afraid to be close to you, because they don’t want to let you back in.

It’s important to try and get your ex to open up to you, but you have to be careful. If they pick up on the fact that you still want a relationship, it could make them completely shut down.

Look:

They might have an idea that they think they need to be your friend in order not to have a “bad person” label attached.

And even though your ex is ignoring you, that doesn’t mean they aren’t still attracted to you.

Realizing that your ex is still attracted to you and cares for you even though they don’t want to be close, will help you to leave them alone because they have feelings for you.

By cutting off all contact with you, your ex is simply trying to move on.

2) She’s afraid of what could happen if she acts like a friend.

It’s hard to have boundaries, especially after a breakup.

Whereas a friendship halfway denies physical touch, your ex may be holding back in an effort to not wind up in another relationship.

Friends can fall out of love, and that’s not uncommon or unusual.

A few years ago, I was engaged to a girl who kept telling me she didn’t have feelings for me anymore, but in the end we broke up and she married someone else within a year.

There’s a big difference between being friends with someone and being in love. The line between those two feelings isn’t always clearly drawn, especially after a breakup.

That’s not to say you can’t be friends with someone you still have feelings for, but it does mean that your ex may have been holding back on being friends for fear of ending up in a relationship again.

3) She doesn’t know how to act like a friend.

She probably thinks it would be inappropriate to send you a ‘Happy Birthday’ message, or to accept your Facebook friendship request.

She may be afraid of hurting your feelings by asking what happened between the two of you, and wants things to remain easy between the two of  you.

She also may not want to get back together with you, but is afraid of hurting your feelings by saying so.

By trying to be completely neutral, she is keeping your feelings intact, while at the same time giving a clear message that she isn’t interested in getting back together.

She may also be afraid of what you’ll think of her if she acts like a friend. She knows that if they were friends after a breakup, people would question whether or not the two of you were still intimate.

Of course, it’s also possible that she simply doesn’t care about you at all.

It’s better to ask yourself these questions before you make a big mistake by assuming things. Ask her how she’s feeling, because it may be easier to get over the relationship if you know what triggered the breakup.

4) She’s just not ready to say goodbye to you yet.

Your ex-girlfriend still has a lot of love for you, and wants to work through the breakup.

She doesn’t want to say goodbye completely. Maybe she had so much fun with you, or shared so much with you, that she just doesn’t feel ready to end the relationship yet.

She may be trying to figure out what’s going on between the two of you, and whether or not there is a chance for her feelings to rekindle.

If your ex is having trouble moving on, she may want to re-establish some sort of physical relationship with you, or at the very least keep in touch via text or phone calls.

Additionally:

She may also want to know when you start dating again.

If she wants to wait a few weeks before completely cutting off contact, give her space.

If she does ignore you and doesn’t contact you, she will eventually realize that there’s nothing to talk about, so it is best to give her time.

5) She’s not being a friend to you because she’s waiting to see if you’ll make the first move.

Sometimes an ex wants to be friends, but then decides that you’re not putting in a lot of effort.

If this is her reasoning, she may also decide that you don’t deserve her friendship.

Or perhaps she thinks that if one of you makes the first move, the other will take it for granted and do nothing to reciprocate.

6) She’s still hurting.

You may have thought that your ex-girlfriend didn’t care about you, but that’s not always the case.

A breakup can lead to a lot of emotional pain, and that’s true even if there is no romantic love involved.

Listen:

When things take a turn for the worse for someone who has been close to us, our minds sometimes don’t know how to respond.

Your ex may be still hurting a lot and unable to talk to you.

Especially if your breakup was emotionally painful, your ex-girlfriend may be depressed, which can make it hard for her to handle friends.

7) She’s taking things slow based on some trust issues from the past.

Some people are afraid to take the next step in a relationship because they’re concerned about trusting their partner with their identity.

In the past, you might have made some hurtful comments or done something that your ex didn’t feel was right and not told them what you did immediately.

That can lead to feelings of mistrust, and it’s not uncommon for a person to wait until they’re fully healed before taking things further.

It’s true!

Sometimes she has trust issues, and she’s afraid that if she lets you back in, you’ll hurt her or take advantage of her.

At other times, there was cheating or lying involved, and so your ex doesn’t want to put herself in a situation where it will happen again.

Your ex may be afraid to get hurt again, and so she’s avoiding any sort of contact until she feels ready to trust you again.

8) She’s confused about her feelings.

It’s common to feel confused after a breakup. Maybe you had strong feelings of trust and passion for your ex-girlfriend, but then things ended and the two of you parted ways.

What happens when two people who were once close decide that they’re not meant to be together?

The truth is, some people experience a lot of confusion about their feelings until the relationship was just too much for them.

If your ex still has a lot of love for you, she may be experiencing a lot of emotional pain.

She may have thought about the good times in her life and remembered what it was like to be with you. The memories may remind her of how much she cared about you, and make it harder for her to let go.

These memories can leave your ex-girlfriend feeling confused, and unsure if she should start dating again.

She may even dream about you, and so she doesn’t want to make decisions based on how she feels more than on what’s right.

9) She has been advised to move on.

She may have received an ultimatum from someone to move on, or she may have been given advice by a friend, family member, healer, or even a psychic advisor.

Maybe you have treated her terribly but she still loves you. Her friends realize that and try to prevent her from being friends with you.

She may also have been advised to start dating again because she’s still young and has something to offer in a relationship.

Or perhaps one of her friends is interested in her, and she doesn’t want to say no because she’s worried about hurting their feelings.

The reasons why your ex is trying to be friends are as varied as the individuals themselves, but the point is that it’s important to pay attention and understand what may be going on inside of your ex-girlfriend’s head.

So what to do now?

1) Don’t be demanding – Just try to relate.

In your attempts to “win her over” you may be doing more harm than good.

Ah! Perhaps I should run off and find a mate, but that’s not right either…

One important thing to remember is that you can’t force the situation.

If you try to get your ex-girlfriend back through “badgering” or begging, you may lose her for good.

It’s true!

Be honest with yourself when you look into the reasons why she may want distance from you.

Don’t try to be someone else to get her to like you.

It’s not fair on either of you.

You have a right to be yourself.

2) Give it time.

Give your ex-girlfriend space.

Don’t be a pest and don’t be pushy to try to move the friendship along.

When a relationship ends, contact can be very hurtful and a reminder of loss.

Give her time to heal.

Be patient and give her the opportunity to get used to the idea of being friends again.

The fact is, people change, and that happens with a lot of people.

Contact is likely to come eventually when she’s ready and willing.

It’s important that you don’t do anything that might scare her off or make things worse between you.

Trust will be the key in repairing this broken bond, so don’t rush into things and hurt your chances of making things right once again.

3) Try to avoid the situation altogether if possible.

If you simply can’t avoid the situation, get out of it as quickly as possible.

You don’t want a friendship to develop because you’ll likely end up getting hurt all over again if you end up getting back together.

This is exactly what happened to me and my ex-girlfriend.

We went from being best friends to falling into the same cycle of abuse that was in our relationship.

Listen:

Don’t linger around in this situation when you’re trying to avoid it.

Your ex-girlfriend can’t help it; she’s just trying to be your old friend.

This is the worst way to get back together with someone, because it makes things difficult for her as well.

So if you want to be friends, get out of the situation as quickly as possible and avoid unnecessary hurt.

4) Listen without judging.

Listen to what she says.

Listen without judging.

This is the key to listening to your ex-girlfriend without immediately forming an opinion about how your relationship progresses.

Remember that what led to your breakup may not have been nice.

In fact:

Her friend might be annoying you or telling you something that isn’t true.

Regardless of what she’s saying, don’t let it get to you and judge it.

It’s possible that the friend is simply seeking some of the love you once had for each other, so just sit back and listen to her point of view.

She’s trying to tell you how things were when you two were together, so don’t think too hard about what she’s saying and judge her while you’re listening.

This just makes it harder for her to be honest with you, which defeats the purpose of getting back together in the first place.

Let her know that you’re there for her and try to keep an open mind.