You know what I’ve observed? Emotionally secure people have a unique way of managing their relationships. If you’re anything like me, you’ve likely wondered how they do it.
Take for example, when a disagreement arises, instead of escalating the situation, they handle it with grace and understanding. Or when they’re faced with criticism, they don’t take it personally but see it as an opportunity for growth.
So, what exactly separates these individuals from the rest?
Well, there are certain toxic behaviors they simply never engage in.
This piece is going to dive into those specifics: the 7 toxic things emotionally secure people never do in relationships. So, if you’re curious about what these are and how to avoid them, keep reading.
1) They never avoid communication
You know, when I think about relationship woes, the first thing that comes to mind is miscommunication. It’s like a silent relationship killer that slowly eats away at the bond between two individuals.
Take my friend Tim, for instance. He was in a relationship where he and his partner never really talked about their problems. They would sweep issues under the rug, hoping they would disappear. Spoiler alert: they didn’t.
But emotionally secure people? They handle things differently. They understand that communication is the lifeline of a relationship. Rather than avoiding tough conversations, they embrace them.
They know that problems can’t be solved by silence or avoidance. Instead, they voice their concerns, express their feelings openly, and encourage their partners to do the same.
2) They don’t let jealousy control them
I’ve got to confess, I’ve been there. It was a few years back, in a relationship that taught me a lot about myself and what it means to be emotionally secure.
My partner at the time had a close friend from college, and they spent a lot of time together. I often found myself feeling jealous and insecure, even though there was no real reason for it. The jealousy started affecting our relationship negatively.
But here’s what emotionally secure people do differently – they don’t let jealousy control their relationships or their actions.
They understand that everyone has pasts, friendships, and lives outside of the relationship. Instead of resorting to possessive behaviors or accusations, they trust their partners and give them the space they need.
They know that a healthy dose of trust, mixed with open and honest communication (remember point 1?), is the antidote to jealousy.
3) They never play the blame game
I remember this one time, in a previous relationship, we had a major disagreement over something trivial – I think it was about who should do the dishes. Sounds silly, right? Except it escalated quickly and before we knew it, we were hurling blame at each other for every single unresolved issue in our relationship!
It was exhausting and, in hindsight, utterly pointless.
What I’ve learned since then is that emotionally secure individuals don’t indulge in this toxic behavior. They understand that blaming each other accomplishes nothing; it only fosters resentment and creates a hostile environment.
Instead, they prefer to take responsibility for their actions. They acknowledge their mistakes and focus on finding solutions rather than pointing fingers. This approach not only shows maturity but also fosters respect and understanding in a relationship.
Looking back at my dishes debacle, I now realize that a simple “I messed up, let’s sort this out” would have saved us from a lot of unnecessary drama.
4) They never compromise their self-worth
In every relationship, there are compromises to be made. But one thing you should never compromise on? Your self-worth.
Emotionally secure people have a deep sense of self-respect. They recognize their value and refuse to let anyone belittle them or make them feel less than.
They don’t tolerate disrespect or abuse – be it emotional, verbal, or physical. Instead, they stand up for themselves and make it clear that such behavior is unacceptable.
Now, this doesn’t mean they’re immune to self-doubt or insecurity – we all have our moments. But the difference is, they don’t let these moments define them or their relationship.
5) They never hold onto grudges
Ever heard of the saying, “Holding onto a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”? It’s a powerful visual, isn’t it?
That’s because harboring resentment is self-destructive. It’s like carrying a heavy backpack of negativity everywhere you go. It weighs you down, saps your energy, and robs you of happiness.
Emotionally secure people understand this. They know that holding onto grudges not only harms them but also damages their relationships. That’s why they choose to practice forgiveness instead.
Forgiveness, by the way, isn’t about forgetting or excusing the wrong done. It’s about releasing the burden of resentment and freeing oneself from the chains of bitterness.
6) They never fear vulnerability
There was a time when opening up and showing my true feelings felt like standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to plunge into a sea of uncertainty. It was scary, and I often chose to keep my emotions locked away, thinking it would keep me safe.
But that’s not what emotionally secure people do. They embrace vulnerability. They understand that it’s okay to have fears, doubts, and insecurities. These are part and parcel of being human.
They don’t see vulnerability as a sign of weakness, but as a strength. It takes courage to open up and share your deepest feelings with another person. And in doing so, they allow their partners to see them for who they truly are – raw, real, and beautifully flawed.
So if you find yourself holding back out of fear of being judged or rejected, remember this: emotionally secure people never fear vulnerability. They know that only by letting their guard down can they truly connect with their partner on a deeper level.
7) They never lose their individuality
Here’s the thing – in a relationship, it’s easy to get lost in the ‘we’ and forget about the ‘I’. But emotionally secure people? They never lose sight of who they are as individuals.
They maintain their personal interests, hobbies, and friendships outside of the relationship. They understand that it’s okay to have separate lives and that spending every waking moment together isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship.
They know that preserving their individuality not only makes them a better partner but also a happier, more fulfilled person. They don’t allow their identity to be entirely defined by the relationship.
The final thought
If you’ve recognized any of these behaviors in your own relationships, don’t worry. We’re all human and we all have room for growth.
The first step towards becoming emotionally secure is awareness. Identifying these toxic behaviors is crucial for personal growth and for building healthier relationships.
Start by observing your actions and reactions in your relationships. Notice if and when these toxic behaviors show up. Ask yourself – am I avoiding communication? Am I letting jealousy control me? Am I compromising my self-worth?
Change won’t happen overnight. It takes time, patience, and consistent effort. But every step you take towards emotional security is a step towards healthier, happier relationships.
Emotionally secure people never engage in these toxic behaviors. They understand the importance of communication, trust, self-worth, forgiveness, vulnerability, and individuality in a relationship.
Strive to be like them. Be kind to yourself on this journey. Celebrate your progress. And remember, the goal isn’t perfection, but continuous improvement.
You owe it to yourself and to your relationships to be the best version of you – emotionally secure, confident, and authentically you.
