If you’ve ever had a friendship that’s left you feeling drained or doubtful, you could be dealing with a person who isn’t your true friend.
Friendships should be supportive and enriching, but there are times when you might find yourself questioning someone’s intentions or actions.
According to psychology, there are certain early warning signs that someone might not be your real friend. These signs can help you identify the strains in a friendship before they get even more complex.
This isn’t about blaming or pointing fingers, but about understanding the dynamics that make a friendship healthy or unhealthy.
We all have different experiences and interpretations of friendships, so these signs might not always apply. However, recognizing them could offer some clarity.
Now let’s dive into the 8 early warning signs someone isn’t your true friend, according to psychology.
1) They only reach out when they need something
This is one of the classic signs that someone isn’t your true friend. They seem to have a sixth sense for when you’re busy, relaxed, or just about to head out the door – that’s when they’ll call or text, asking for a favor.
It could be anything from borrowing money, needing a ride, or wanting help with a personal problem.
The issue isn’t them asking for help – true friends are there for each other, after all.
The real problem arises when this becomes a pattern, and they’re nowhere to be found when you’re the one in need.
This could make you feel like an emotional ATM: available for withdrawals but no deposits.
It’s not about keeping score, but friendship is a two-way street and it’s important to feel valued and respected.
Recognizing this dynamic can be an important step in evaluating your relationship with them.
It doesn’t mean they’re a bad person or intentionally using you; they might not even realize they’re doing it. But if this pattern continues without change, it might be a sign that this person isn’t truly your friend.
2) They’re always happy for your success
It might sound strange, but a friend who’s always happy about your successes could be a red flag.
Don’t get me wrong, friends should be supportive and celebrate your wins with you.
However, if they never express any other emotion or ask deeper questions about your experiences – that might be cause for concern.
A true friend will not only rejoice in your victories but will also share in your struggles and challenges.
They’ll inquire about the hard work that went into your success and empathize with the stress or sacrifices you made along the way.
They’ll acknowledge that success often comes with its own set of challenges and they’ll be there for you through it all.
If their reactions to your achievements are always one-note, it may indicate a lack of genuine interest or depth in the relationship.
They might be more concerned with appearing as a ‘good friend’ rather than truly being there for you in all aspects of your life.
3) They never initiate plans
Are you always the one making the plans, sending the first text, or suggesting to meet up?
You might be in a one-sided friendship.
In a balanced relationship, both parties should show interest and make an effort to spend time together.
If it’s only you reaching out, it could indicate that they don’t value the relationship as much as you do.
Interestingly, our brains are wired for reciprocity – the social norm of responding to a positive action with another positive action.
So when someone is consistently failing to initiate or reciprocate, it could be a sign that they’re not as invested in the friendship as you are.
It’s not about keeping score but about understanding the dynamics of your friendship. Are you feeling like you’re always the one putting in the effort?
4) They seem indifferent to your struggles
Life can be tough, and sometimes we need someone to lean on.
A true friend understands this and is there for you during the rough patches.
But what if your friend remains indifferent when you’re going through a hard time?
If they dismiss your feelings, change the subject, or seem uninterested when you open up about your struggles, it might be a warning sign.
Keep in mind that it’s not about them having all the answers or fixing everything for you.
It’s about empathy, understanding, and simply being there.
We all have our own battles and struggles. It’s perfectly okay to expect a friend to lend a listening ear, offer a comforting word, or just sit with you in silence.
Friendship is about sharing – the good times and the bad.
If someone seems indifferent to your struggles, it might be time to reconsider if they are truly your friend.
5) They often cancel plans at the last minute
We’ve all been there – you’ve been looking forward to hanging out, your plans are set, and then you get that message. “Sorry, something came up, can we reschedule?”
Once in a while, it’s understandable; life happens and plans change.
But if this becomes the norm rather than the exception, it might be a sign of a deeper issue.
Continually cancelling plans can indicate a lack of respect for your time and it can be quite deflating.
If you find that your friend often leaves you hanging or fails to commit to plans, take note.
It could be that they’re not valuing your time or your friendship as much as you do.
A true friend respects your time and the effort you put into planning your hangouts.
6) They constantly compare themselves to you
Here’s an example from my own life. I used to have a friend who constantly compared himself to me.
Whether it was about work, relationships, or personal achievements, every conversation seemed to turn into a competition.
At first, it seemed like friendly banter or a harmless game of one-upmanship.
But over time, it became clear that this wasn’t a healthy dynamic. It felt like our friendship was more about comparisons and less about mutual support and respect.
Psychology tells us that friendships should be about mutual growth and support, not about outdoing each other.
Do you have a friend who constantly compares themselves to you? If so, it might be a sign that they view your friendship as a competition rather than a bond.
True friends celebrate each other’s successes without feeling the need to compare or compete.
7) They gossip about others to you
Let’s face it, if they’re talking about others behind their backs, they’re probably doing the same about you when you’re not around.
Gossip can seem like a harmless way to bond or blow off steam, but it can actually be quite destructive.
It’s a breach of trust and respect, and it can create a toxic environment.
In a true friendship, trust and respect are paramount.
You should feel comfortable knowing that what you share stays between the two of you.
You deserve friends who respect you and others.
8) They don’t make you feel good about yourself
At the end of the day, the most telling sign of a true friendship is how it makes you feel.
A true friend will lift you up, make you feel valued, and bring positivity into your life.
If you’re constantly feeling down after interactions with your friends, or if they constantly belittle or undermine you, it’s a clear sign that something isn’t right.
Friendship should be a source of joy, support, and mutual respect.
If someone consistently makes you feel bad about yourself, they might not be a true friend.
After all, you deserve friendships that make you feel good about yourself.
Prioritize those who value and respect you just the way you are.
Conclusion
Recognizing the true value of friendship is a mark of emotional intelligence.
This article is here to help you discern between genuine friendships and those that might need reconsideration.
A real friend brings joy, support, and positivity into your life.
They respect you, value your time, and are there for you through thick and thin.
Just as it is essential to be a good friend, it is equally important to surround yourself with genuine friends.
Don’t let others dictate the worth of your relationships.
Here’s to fostering healthier, happier friendships!
