Love can be hard to define, but you know it when you feel it.
Maybe you find yourself thinking about your girlfriend constantly, excited by even the simplest moments spent together.
But how can you be sure it’s love and not just that you’re settling?
This article will break down nine undeniable signs that prove you’re deeply in love with your girlfriend—and eight red flags that might suggest otherwise.
Are you truly in love, or could hidden doubts be lurking? Read on to find out which side you’re on.
9 signs you definitely love your girlfriend
1) She’s the only girl you want to be with
Let’s face it…
If you’re with a girl but you still have other girls on your mind it’s not a good sign.
If you’re in love with your girlfriend she’s the only one you want to be with.
I’m not saying you won’t notice a nice set of legs or a beautiful face when you’re walking down the street.
But you won’t feel any genuine temptation to leave your girlfriend or cheat.
You’ll be secure in what you have and satisfied.
And the temptations and issues that come up will be things you are determined to overcome and never use as an excuse to throw in the towel on the relationship.
2) She makes you smile even on a bad day
One of the top signs you truly love your girlfriend is that she can bring a smile to your face no matter how badly your day is going.
I’m not saying that you’re grinning like a cheshire cat because you have such a beautiful caring girlfriend.
But she’s the one person who can drag a smile out of you even when it’s the last thing you ever expected.
And even if it’s only for a fleeting moment.
Something about her just makes your lips turn up at the corners.
And that something…
Is that you love her!
3) There are multiple layers to your relationship
One of the strongest signs that you’re in love for real is that there are multiple layers to your relationship.
Specifically, you connect on an emotional, intellectual and physical level.
Granted, some levels may be stronger than others or may have faded to a greater extent.
But what defines love is not so much perfection as much as it’s the fact that you relate and are attracted to someone for:
- Their body
- Their mind
- Their heart
If one of those is missing, the strongest attraction can still fall flat…
As Justin Brown notes:
“What makes love so different from lust and infatuation is that it doesn’t have to start from any certain layer of intimacy.
Love can begin from any of the three, with the first bond being a physical one, an emotional one, or an intellectual one.”
4) You want her, but you’re not dependent on her
There’s a big difference between desiring and valuing someone, and being dependent on them.
Codependency often breaks down into a pattern where one person is the needy recipient and the other becomes the grand savior.
It’s toxic. Even when a relationship lasts for years, codependency poisons the well.
That’s why truly loving your girlfriend means valuing and caring about her deeply, without depending on her in a dysfunctional or needy way.
I have to be honest—being “needy” was a problem I faced myself a while ago.
For a long time, I struggled to see how I was forcing my partner to “save” me constantly. This unknowingly led us into a toxic codependency pattern that neither of us recognized until it was too late.
It was around this time that I discovered Rudá Iandê’s Love and Intimacy Masterclass. For those who don’t know, Rudá is a world-renowned shaman who has spent years studying human behavior, relationships, and personal development.
Thanks to some mini-questionnaires included in the masterclass, I reflected on my relationship and began to recognize the signs of codependency.
The best part is that this free masterclass equipped me with the tools to break free from it.
So, if you’re wondering whether your love for your girlfriend is rooted in genuine care or slipping into a pattern of codependency, don’t hesitate to invest some time in Rudá’s masterclass.
Click here to access the free masterclass.
5) The idea of a future together with her fills you with joy
If you love your girlfriend, you love the thought of growing old with her and maybe getting married…
Having kids, buying a home, living a life together in some way fills you with joy.
Granted, it may give you a little jolt of fear as well.
But the basic idea is that you look forward to a future by her side in some form.
And instead of being intimidated or horrified by the idea, you feel like it could really be quite a good thing…
Because when you love someone, spending your life with them comes naturally.
6) You’re willing to take some bad with the good
One of the signs that you love someone that can’t be overstated is that you’re willing to compromise at times.
When they want to do something that’s not quite up your alley, you sometimes settle down and go for it, because you love them.
This doesn’t mean you are a squish or a simp who does whatever your girlfriend wants or lets her play games with you.
It just means sometimes you put her first and see things from her point of view.
As clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Manly puts it:
“Do you tolerate spending time with your partner’s friends or family even if they aren’t your cup of tea?
“Do you participate in activities that your partner finds highly enjoyable, but you don’t?”
7) You don’t think of bailing on her if times get tough
All relationships go through tough times, but this isn’t all.
There are so many things which can happen to one of the people involved that will have you questioning whether it’s time to count your losses and move on.
This isn’t about small things like your girlfriend criticizing your diet or having a stressful time at university.
I’m talking about the big stuff like her going through a severe depression where it’s hard to reach her…
Or an illness that you aren’t even sure she’ll recover from.
Do you stand by her or go find a shiny new person to spend your time with?
Love is hanging in the balance.
8) You’re not in ‘ego love’
Many people think they’re in love, but they’re actually just in “ego love.”
This is basically where you love someone but only temporarily and transactionally.
If they hurt you, you would withdraw and not love them anymore.
Your love is conditional.
Specifically, your love is conditional on your girlfriend stroking your ego and giving you all the validation, attention and affection you crave.
If that supply starts running out, you’re out.
That’s not love, at least not any kind of mature love that’s worth the trouble.
9) You never get tired of looking in her eyes
Eye contact is often the start of a relationship and it can also be one of the signs that ensures it’s still going strong.
If looking in your girlfriend’s eyes bores you, then you’re not in love.
But if you like to gaze into those baby blues then there’s definitely heart-stuff going on.
“Gazing into your partner’s eyes sounds like something straight out of a rom-com, but wanting to do it can be a sign that you’re fixated on them and that you love the person,”
8 Signs you’re settling and don’t truly love your girlfriend
1) You often think about being with other women
Whether or not you’ve actually cheated, one of the top signs you don’t actually love your girlfriend is that you often think about being with other women.
Your girlfriend isn’t someone you’ve decided to commit to and who you have deep feelings for.
She’s an option.
She’s “good enough for now.”
She’s a placeholder, more or less, until you find someone better.
That sounds like a brutal way to put it, but the shock value is good if it makes you reflect seriously on how you truly feel.
2) You’re with her because you’re scared to be alone
It’s easy for relationship coaches or “enlightened” gurus to criticize those afraid of being alone, but the truth is, that fear is deeply human and entirely understandable.
The key, however, is not letting this fear dictate your choices.
Surprisingly, one crucial connection might be slipping under your radar: the relationship you have with yourself.
Often, the urge to cling to a partner stems from unresolved personal insecurities or issues. This is why self-awareness is so important—by understanding yourself better, you create the foundation for a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
When I felt the need to explore my inner feelings and build self-awareness, I turned to Rudá Iandê’s Self-love Quiz. This free, personalized quiz helps you uncover the root of your relationship challenges and gain deeper insight into your needs.
Once you understand yourself, you’ll quickly see what’s off in your relationship and how to address it.
Take the Self-love Quiz today and start your journey toward a more authentic connection.
3) You’re very attracted to your girlfriend but you don’t actually like her
One of the more surprising signs that you don’t love your girlfriend anymore is that you are very attracted to her but you actually don’t like her.
Let me explain…
The thought of her turns you on, you find her charming and brilliant.
But you also feel deep down like she’s sort of a stranger and you don’t really like her all that much as a person.
The way she treats people, treats you, treats everything it just feels like not your cup of tea.
She feels like a “great catch,” but it also feels like you’re not yourself around her.
Like you’re playing a role.
You feel like you have a special romantic chemistry with her.
But you don’t really have any basic chemistry of liking her as a person.
4) You relish time away from them when you can vent to friends
If you’ve ever been in a relationship you just couldn’t wait to get out of then you’ll relate to this point…
Time away from your girlfriend feels like you just won the lottery.
Even if you haven’t faced that you might not be that into her yet, you can’t hide the sigh of relief when you have even a few days apart.
It’s like a godsend. Not only do you somehow feel freer and happier, you also now have a chance to find your friends…
…And vent like hell to them.
About all the issues and frustrations of dating a woman like your girlfriend.
It doesn’t sound like love to me, and if it is, it’s a very toxic and codependent kind you probably want to get out of ASAP.
5) You don’t care much when you don’t hear from her for a long time
Part of being in love is loving talking to your other half.
You enjoy hearing from her, knowing what she’s up to and being in touch on a regular basis.
Obviously if this goes too far into codependency or possessiveness that’s not a good thing.
But at a certain level if you don’t really think of your girlfriend when she’s not around, then you’re not in love.
As Ni’Kesia Pannell writes for Insider, when you’re fine with not hearing from your partner for multiple days it usually means you’re not really in love with them.
And it generally means they aren’t in love with you either.
6) You get a sick feeling when you see other blissful couples
Does it feel like other couples are exotic animals in a nature park who have no relation to you and your girlfriend?
Do you get a sick feeling like you’re missing out on something that should be special and fulfilling?
That’s because you’re not in love, and seeing people who are makes you realize it.
“Seeing other couples being so sickeningly happy is like a slap in the face.
“The two of you were once like that, right? You start to question whether you’re as happy as you should be together.”
7) Their views and behavior just really annoys you
If your girlfriend’s opinions and behavior consistently irritate you, it can be tempting to focus on one or two specific things you’d like her to change.
But sometimes, it’s not just about one or two things—it’s everything.
I’ve seen friends reach a point where even the smallest habits drive them crazy. The sound of their girlfriend chewing makes them lose patience. Her laugh fills them with frustration.
At that point, they were closer to resentment than love.
8) You’re closed off and don’t feel like opening up to your gf
One of the saddest signs that you’re not in love with your girlfriend is that you don’t ever want to open up to her.
It feels like even telling her how you’re really doing is somehow exposing yourself in a way that makes you feel cringe.
You don’t want her to see who you really are…
Or know what’s really going on with you anymore…
You may still want to keep the comfortable parts of the relationship, but you don’t want the emotional and deeper aspects anymore.
“So, if you were once completely forthright and honest with your partner but are suddenly not interested in discussing what’s on your mind, that’s a red flag.”
What’s the verdict?
The truth is, love can’t be measured or quantified.
But I do believe it can be qualified and defined. In other words, it’s entirely possible—and meaningful—to recognize whether you’re truly in love or not.
If you find yourself resonating with signs that suggest you may not be in love, or that your relationship is veering toward codependency, see it as an opportunity for introspection and growth.
As I mentioned earlier, Rudá Iandê’s Love and Intimacy Masterclass was a pivotal moment for me in understanding the delicate balance between love and codependency.
If you’re feeling unsure, I highly recommend taking the time to explore it. It might offer you the same clarity it did for me.
Often, it’s in facing these uncomfortable truths that we discover the potential for real improvement.
Here’s the link to the free masterclass again.
