10 disadvantages of falling in love with a married woman

Are you in a bind now for having feelings with a woman who’s already married? You might think there’s no harm in just having a crush on her, but it can lead to some impulsive decisions and devastating consequences.

If there’s anything Hollywood has taught us, it’s that falling in love with a married woman is always a bad idea.

But what are the actual disadvantages of doing so? Well, that’s what we’re here to find out!

Here, take a look.

1) This is always a huge risk

Falling in love with someone should be a wonderful thing – something that’s exciting and amazing. But when you fall in love with someone who is already married, it’s generally, well yeah you guessed it right, not a good thing. Why, you ask?

First of all, there’s a very high chance that your feelings will be one-sided. Maybe you’ll think she feels the same way about you, but she may (highly) not.

The second problem is that a relationship with this woman would destroy her marriage – if she falls in love with you and decides to start seeing you behind her husband’s back, then this can cause a lot of problems for her marriage.

But let’s not go that further yet.

The thing is, the chances that she’ll find out how you feel for her can lead to a lot of long-term emotional problems.

This is considered a serious risk since some married women aren’t good at controlling themselves and they take things too far.

Once she finds out how you feel for her, this may cause her to make accusations that are completely untrue and leave the consequences lingering in your mind, forever.

Not only that, even though it’s not likely to happen, who knows what kind of consequences could arise from her husband’s jealousy or anger. There’s a possibility that you may cause chaos in their lives.

I believe you don’t want that to happen, right?

2) You can never confess

Remember that time in your life when you used to like this woman and once you’ve mustered the courage to tell her your feelings, you were able to do so? She may have accepted or declined your feelings, but that was liberating, right?

Well, that’s a whole different situation now since your feelings are for a married woman.

If you end up falling in love with a married woman, it’s good to know that you have to keep those feelings hidden. Remain… hidden.

No matter how strong your feelings are for her, you must know that you won’t be able to confess your love to her.

She’s already married, and it’s not up to you to have the idea to confess since it’s not an option.

So, as much as you may want to confess your love for her, do know that she may not even feel the same way and once she finds out that you have feelings for her – well, that’s an inevitable heartache for you.

3) You can’t share your situation with your friends, either

I know this is quite a difficult situation to be in since you’re confused and you also feel like you can share it with your closest friends.

You might think that if you involve friends and/or family in your personal life then it’s going to help you deal with these really difficult times – but it won’t. You must remain silent and don’t share a thing about your feelings for the woman.

The main reason for this is that most people these days are afraid to get involved in other people’s problems.

Well if that’s the case, you still have another option:

Instead of talking to people you already know, you can talk to a professional relationship coach.

The reason why I suggest doing so is that certified relationship coaches at reliable websites such as Relationship Hero can assess your situation objectively and develop practical solutions.

Besides, whenever you feel you’re not ready to share this intimate information with your friends and family members, speaking to a professional might help you to express your emotions and reflect on your thoughts.

Now you might wonder why I recommend Relationship Hero.

Well, recently I reached out to them to seek advice regarding a challenging time in my love life. And I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were. 

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to check them out.

4) It can ruin your friendships

Whether she’s your friend or a coworker, having feelings for her will complicate things between the two of you.

Here’s the thing, your friendship with her will be at stake – and that’s just not the way you want it to be, right?

Your friendship with her will probably suffer a serious decline after she finds out how you feel for her and may decide that she needs to end the friendship completely.

You know how friends can sometimes be very supportive? Well, this is definitely what will NOT happen in your case. You and your friend may find yourself drifting apart since this can be hard on both of you.

If you’ve developed feelings toward a woman who’s already married, then it would be good to know that it can end up ruining your friendship. You’d have to make a hard choice: your friend or the married woman you like.

To stress my point more, it’s really important to know that if you’re also friends with her husband, this may lead to some awkward situations, on your part mostly.

You won’t be able to look him straight in the eyes for the guilt of having feelings for his wife. You won’t interact with him the way you did before. It would be hard to talk with him without having his wife in your mind.

Keep these things in mind before you dive in deeper.

5) You’ll always feel a bit (or a lot) guilty

If you end up falling in love with a woman who’s already married, then there’s no way you’ll be able to hide your feelings.

You won’t be able to forget the fact that she’s already married and how much it might affect the atmosphere between the two of you – it will make you feel guilty and uncomfortable.

In this case, it’s best to deal with the feelings by doing a little self-reflection. Understand that you can’t control your feelings and that the feeling of guilt will always be present.

Sure, you’re dreaming to be with her and you’ll feel like you’re missing out on something beautiful if you miss this opportunity, but don’t let these feelings overcome your better judgment.

In the end, the guilt feeling will always creep out.

6) You won’t be able to stop thinking about her

Falling in love with a married woman means you’ll have to deal with the fact that she will be on your mind all the time.

During times when you’re alone, you might start thinking about her and this can leave you feeling really confused. You might end up doing things that aren’t normal for you and this can cause problems in your day-to-day life as well.

In order to overcome these feelings, it’s best if you try to focus on other things that don’t involve her. That way, you can avoid being in situations where those feelings of guilt may arise again.

Try to divert your attention to other productive activities, you may try to:

– learn a new skill

– pick up a new book

– call or be with your family

– hang out more with your friends

– meet new people

– self-reflection

Help yourself by doing some deep thinking about your feelings and what you can do in order to make things a little easier for yourself.

7) You’ll have trouble trying to forget her

Once you’ve accepted the reality that your feelings will never be revealed nor reciprocated, moving on from her is another huddle to climb.

I think you’ve already expected this but, it will never be easy to get over her.

At some point in the future, you’ll realize that you’re always thinking about her, and that she’ll always be a part of your life.

You will remember her as someone impossible to reach – and we, human beings, have that subconscious desire to want something more when we think it’s near unachievable.

In any case, it’s going to be hard to forget her since she will always have a special place in your heart no matter how hard you try to hide it from yourself and everyone else.

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Could I stress this out more? She played a significant role in what shaped you as a person and this is something that you will always keep in mind.

Trying to forget her will be a difficult task, so before you do something you may regret, step away from the situation and understand that you need to move on.

8) You’ll start feeling really bad about yourself

If you end up developing feelings for a married woman, then chances are you’ll start questioning your own self-worth.

You might start thinking:

– “What am I doing?”

– “Why did this happen?”

– “Why did I allow it to happen?”

and so on.

Like I said before, you’ll feel bad about yourself – this is because you’re dealing with a natural human instinct: the fear of mistakes.

In this case, it’s important to reflect upon your own self-esteem and how it became so low as to give in to these feelings of longing.

You’ll feel embarrassed at your own weakness and this is the kind of feeling that will make it hard for you to show your face in public.

You may end up avoiding places where you might run into her while feeling ashamed at what got you to this point. You’ll try to avoid any possible social interactions with people who know her and this can be quite awkward for you.

It’s best if you reevaluate your self-esteem and ask yourself what aspects of your life or personality are the reason why these feelings came about, in the first place.

Gather your thoughts and get back to empowering yourself.

9) You’ll have to deal with being misunderstood

If you have feelings for a married woman and you end up talking about your feelings to her, then you can bet that she won’t understand what caused such a thing to happen.

Most likely, although your feelings are sincere, she will think that YOU are starting a drama, and that you probably want to ruin her marriage – and this is something that will be easily interpreted as your plan.

Interpreting your actions in this way is so easy for her since it doesn’t involve looking at herself and taking full responsibility for it all.

So much more than being misunderstood by other people, you, yourself are going to misunderstand situations entailing a relationship with a married woman.

If you decide to get involved with a married woman and you’re thinking “what should I do?”, then here are some of the things you might be worried about:

– Will my friends think it’s weird?

– Will my family judge me?

– How will this affect my personal life?

– What if she will still choose her husband?

– Will I be scared of our future together?

The last one is usually the one that causes most of your worries, and you might have forgotten about it initially.

As I’ve mentioned, before you take a step that you might regret later on, understand the things around your situation and make sure you’re not forgetting anything important.

10) It’s never going to end well

Now if you’re still going to pursue her, despite the obvious consequences that you will face, then chances are that the relationship is never going to end well.

All of the above reasons basically indicate that this relationship will never be “normal” and that it will always give you a feeling of guilt.

In many cases like this, the feelings and the relationship are kept in secret since both parties have too much at stakes – such as your well beings, families, lifestyles and even your lives.

Not only that, the fear of getting discovered will haunt you day after day – if you’re feeling guilty already, then living with these fears over and over again can drive anyone crazy.

Above all, it will definitely ruin her marriage.

She may decide to end things with her husband and you’ll be the one to blame. She may decide not to end things with her husband and keep you a secret, but you for sure know that it won’t be enough for you.

So, I’m telling you this early, don’t start anything romantic with someone who’s already someone’s better half.


Don’t let yourself get carried away by these feelings of longing for a married woman that you’re sure you’re developing feelings for.

Understand the risks involved once more – I’ve tried to explain them all in detail above – and make a decision accordingly.

Don’t rush anything.

No matter how much you want to be with her, remember that you’re doing this for yourself, not for her!

She’s already taken. Remember that.

Also read: If you’re a single mom dating a childless man, you need to know these 10 things

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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