It is without a doubt that modern dating is hard. These days, it’s so easy to get lost swiping left and right in an endless stack of strangers, often to no avail.
At the end of the day, you only end up feeling lonely, asking yourself, “what is wrong with me?” “why can’t I find the right partner?”
Well, fret no more: because today, you might just find the right person for you by learning Jordan Peterson’s four key dating tips!
First, who is Jordan Peterson?
If you don’t know him yet, Peterson is a Canadian clinical psychologist and professor who skyrocketed into fame due to his controversial views and opinions. As of writing, he has a whopping total of 6.08 million in his YouTube channel. Whoa!
But we will not be talking about his contentious opinions today. In this article, we will be looking at Jordan Peterson’s tips on finding the perfect partner.
To hear Peterson talk about these tips, watch the video below:
1) Strive to be the best version of yourself
It is not unusual to find yourself asking, “How do I find the love of my life?”
This is a question that is very commonly asked. Peterson himself says he got asked this question three times in a row.
“I didn’t have a good answer,” he says. “Why don’t I have a good answer? Oh, I know why! ‘Cause that’s a stupid question!”
You may be wondering why he thinks this is a stupid question—after all, it’s completely valid to ask how you’ll ever meet the love of your life, right?
Well, he actually has a pretty reasonable answer.
Peterson says that this question is stupid, because it’s “putting the cart before the horse.” In other words, before you ask how to find the love of your life, ask yourself this:
How do I put myself into the perfect date?
For him, answering this question is super important. It helps you understand exactly what kind of person you should strive to be in order to find a partner.
“It’s like what I want in a partner. If I offered everything I could to a partner, who would I be?” he says.
Shaman Rudá Iandê shares the same sentiment with Peterson. According to him, in order to find love, we must first start working on ourselves.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, love is not what many of us think it is. In fact, many of us are actually self-sabotaging our love lives without realizing it.
Far too often, we are on shaky ground with our own selves and this carries over into toxic relationships that become hell on earth.
This is why before asking how to find the love of your life, ask yourself, “who would I be as a partner if I became the best possible version of myself?”
And this is what Rudá’s teachings showed me—a whole new perspective on love and intimacy. I learned that if I want to succeed in dating, I must first focus on self-improvement before I envision what my ideal partner looks like.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then Rudá Iandê’s love and intimacy masterclass might be for you!
Of course, other than being the best version of yourself, for men, it is important to consider what kind of men women want.
2) Be a man that women want
For some men, it can be difficult to figure out what kind of men women want. Do they want strong men? Men with good manners? Chivalrous men? Or do women only want rich men?
Ignore all of these for a minute. Throw all these assumptions in the trash, because this is where Peterson’s advice comes in—and it’s simpler than you think!
First, of course, is to look clean. This means having a reasonably good physical shape, being healthy, and having good hygiene. Women like men who take good care of themselves. Easy enough, huh?
You will be surprised by the number of men who don’t take enough care of themselves. Don’t be like them. Women avoid men who neglect themselves, and it’s completely reasonable. If you can’t take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of her?
Next, according to Peterson, women want men who are willing to delay gratification. What does this mean?
Simply put, he means you must play hard-to-get. Doing this is like being in a delicate dance with a woman. Listen to the music, gracefully feel the patterns of being, be playful and attentive, but keep your hands to yourself.
At some point in this process, you might start asking, “how far am I from those things?”
The answer, usually, is horribly far. However, being far from ideal is completely fine. This means you have a large room for improvement, and a lot of time to work on yourself.
“[…] the harder you work on offering other people what they need and want, the more people will line up to play with you.” Peterson says.
Ultimately, asking “how do I find the love of my life?” is the wrong question, because first, you must strive to be the best version of yourself and to be the man women want before you can even start looking for your other half.
But then again, if you become the best partner possible, there is the anxiety that people will only end up taking advantage of you. In that case, what do you do?
3) Be soft as a dove and wise as a serpent
The naive person believes, “I’ll be good, and everyone will treat me right.”
On the other hand, the cynic believes, “I’ll be good, and someone will take me out.”
Which one are you?
For Peterson, the sweet spot is somewhere between these two. To be the perfect partner, you must learn how to be soft as a dove, but wise as a serpent. Why?
Because the world is full of people who want to take advantage of you, of people who would not hesitate to hurt you if it benefits them. Know that it is entirely possible that the person you end up with might only take advantage of you, but that’s a risk that you have to be willing to take.
“Even I have dealt with people who were pretty damn criminal and pretty psychopathic, and sometimes dangerously so,” Peterson says, “and you tread very lightly when you’re dealing with someone like that.“
This is what he meant when he said you must be “soft as a dove, and wise as a serpent.” Kind enough to trust, but wise enough to strike if they step on you.
He says, “What’s so cool about that is that even though the person you’re dealing with is full of snakes, if you offer your hand in trust and it’s real, you will evoke the best in them.”
In other words, even if it can seem risky to trust other people, and even if you find someone who is “full of snakes,” they may end up becoming inspired to change because of your sincere treatment. However, if they treat you badly, be wise like a serpent and know when to strike back.
4) Know how to deal with toxic people
In the world of dating, it is completely possible for you to meet a toxic person. No matter how careful we are, sometimes, we just can’t avoid them.
This is precisely why you must learn how to deal with toxic people when you’re dating. You need to know how to avoid them or how to get out of difficult situations with them, should you ever find yourself in one.
And how do you do this? First, you must learn to distinguish who the toxic people are and how they behave.
According to him, toxic people are overly paranoid. “They’re watching you for any sign of deceit or manipulation, and they’re really good at it,” Peterson says.
This means that toxic people are always wary of your actions, and always on the lookout for you to end up doing something wrong. It might even make you feel like you’re treading on eggshells every time you’re with them.
Peterson says that this is because they’re paranoid, and their paranoia is always at a hundred percent. Why? Because paranoid people can’t afford to stop looking for signs of deceit.
“Even under those circumstances, if you step carefully enough, you can maybe avoid the axe,” he says.
In other words, knowing how to deal with toxic people is a useful skill in dating. “Avoiding the axe” is code for avoiding getting hurt in the hands of a toxic person, which none of us would want.
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