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Dating a sigma male: 10 things you need to know

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A sigma male is a lone wolf. He marches to the beat of his own drum and gets things done his own way.

In a relationship, a sigma male is an enigma.

He can be hard to figure out. That’s why I’ve put together this guide.

Dating a sigma male: 10 things you need to know

1) He tends to be a bit of a rebel and iconoclast

A sigma male is basically an introverted alpha male.

He has his own value system and his own goals, and he doesn’t back down for anybody.

The challenge in a relationship is that he can be stubborn-minded, however, the upside is that you’ll always know where he stands.

Sigma males are extremely hard workers who don’t crave authority or approval. They know what they want and they go for it.

Barrie Davenport has good insights on this:

“Living outside of the social hierarchy greatly limits a sigma male’s desire to follow leaders. Nonconformist is also an appropriate word.”

2) He doesn’t like to be the center of attention

Sigma males always have some project or personal thing they are working on.

They don’t like to be the center of attention at work or at home.

Sigmas aren’t necessarily anti-social or some label like that: it’s just that they enjoy having time to themselves or one-on-one and they don’t want to be swarmed by crowds and lots of the limelight.

He may enjoy meeting your friends or going out to the occasional pub or concert, but in general, he’s going to want his space and want to do his own thing.

If you want a guy who will be your sidekick most of the time then a sigma is not your man.

The sigma prefers to stand back to the side a little bit and scope situations out. He doesn’t want to dive headfirst into social situations that come his way or shoot the breeze with whoever comes along.

If you like a guy who hangs back a bit but still has inner confidence radiating out of him then a sigma can be ideal.

3) Change doesn’t bother him

Sigma males adapt to change well and don’t get overly stressed by typical situations that flummox other people.

They are able to get along well with others without wanting to necessarily be “part of the gang” and that translates well into social scenarios.

In other words, it’s pretty easy for a sigma to move to a new place, change jobs or adapt to a new schedule.

Like anybody, he’s going to have an adjustment phase. But he’s likely to be less fazed by changes and being uprooted than a more sedentary, settled guy.

The sigma is a nomad at heart.

He can be happy in one place and settling down, but moving around is in his blood and he’ll be happy to join you on adventures to new locales and destinations.

While the signs in this article will help you understand all about dating a sigma man, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

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4) He will give you space – and expect it in return

The sigma male needs space.

Like I mentioned earlier, he’s fine being sociable sometimes, but his sweet spot is alone or in one-on-one situations.

There are many times he prefers to be alone with his thoughts and reflecting or working on a project he’s got going that’s self-driven.

He’s the kind of guy who will give you your space and expect the same in return.

Some women can interpret a sigma male as unfriendly or aloof, but often he just doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve.

He just doesn’t like being overly lovey-dovey and communicative, but in bed, he’ll still make the sparks fly.

As Amol Ahlawat writes:

“You haven’t seen him question your trust or be jealous about the company you hang out with. That’s because a sigma male personality has faith in his decision-making and the kind of woman he picks as a lover. He trusts her judgement and knows she’ll never betray him.

Sigma males need their own space in a relationship, and they give the same space for their partner to find themselves outside of the relationship.”

5) He sticks to his values and detests peer pressure

The sigma male has a strong and self-developed value system that he stands by.

Whether he’s part of a specific philosophy, religion, or culture or has crafted his core values himself, he will not bend to something just because it’s popular.

And he won’t walk away from his beliefs just because they’re unpopular or seen as strange, unfashionable, or put him in the minority.

If you are a woman who also has strong values that don’t waver with the times then you can find your soulmate in the sigma man.

He too has certain principles he lives by and he won’t change that to fit in or get external approval.

6) He’s direct and doesn’t talk too much

If you’re looking for a talker and a chatty dude then a sigma male isn’t for you.

He’s not necessarily shy, but he doesn’t tend to enjoy random chitchat.

He speaks when he has something to say and speaks sincerely.

The sigma male uses his voice as an expression of his true thoughts and emotions. The background work where he processes his feelings and decides what to say is not something he verbalizes.

This can be hard if he suddenly pops out of somewhere with a decision, but it can be wonderful if you’re tired of guys who treat you like a sounding board and are constantly rambling on for no good reason.

Dating writer Sharon Anderson explains:

“Sigma males don’t waste their time on lengthy speeches and try to beat around the bush. Instead, they’ll go right to the point.

When you have a conversation with them, don’t be surprised if their responses are short or answer things directly, with no hesitation.

That’s because, unlike other guys, they don’t want to complicate things with lengthy explanations.”

7) They tend to be good at attracting women

Sigma males may be lone wolves, but they’re no slouch when it comes to hunting for a mate.

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They sometimes like to howl at the moon alone on a starry night, but there are usually plenty of beautiful ladies interested in joining them.

What I’m saying is that sigmas tend to be good with women.

In life, they’ve become their own man, far from the conformity of the crowd, and part of that has been developing a unique and powerful approach to romance and seduction.

Not all sigmas are sex gods or anything.

But sigmas are not wallflowers and awkward nerds. They’re more like the strong silent type.

And they’re usually in high demand.

Steve Jabba writes:

“Unlike the Alpha who usually has a static social circle, Sigma Males tend to be more nomadic (especially in their younger years), so they usually have to approach and attract women using nothing but their charisma and sex appeal.”

8) Sigma males are full of self-knowledge

The Oracle at Delphi famously said to “know thyself” and sigma males are the epitome of this.

They know themselves inside and out, including the bad parts.

And they’ve faced them head-on.

The sigma male isn’t hunting for excuses or self-glorification. He knows who he is, what he’s capable of, and where his weak points are.

And he owns them all 100%.

If you’re tired of meeting guys who live and think on the surface then a sigma male can be just the cure.

Sigmas are generally very introspective and know themselves well.

9) He tends to be less online than many guys

These days it can seem like not being online is creepy, or like privacy-minded folks have something to hide.

But there is still such a thing as just plain not being that into cultivating an online presence and being on social media.

That’s where your sigma male comes in.

He’s just not a keyboard clacker.

He might browse Facebook now and then or send a few tweets, but he’s not a guy who spends his time online or clicking like on Instagram.

Relationship expert Jessica Tholmer notes:

“While social media has taken over so many of our lives, Sigma personality types are the least likely to engage in social media, at least most of it.

It can feel old-fashioned, but it’s also very appealing to meet someone who chooses not to engage in clickbait and the newfound rules of being available at all times.”

10) They’re listeners and many women find them super hot

Sigma males are also in high demand because they tend to be good listeners.

That’s a pretty rare trait among guys, and it’s even harder to find a guy who doesn’t listen with some kind of agenda…

Like getting you in bed, trying to win your affection, expecting you to then listen to his issues and so forth…

The sigma just listens.

And he generally doesn’t really mind if you’re a hot mess because he tends to be quite stable.

So he’s fine taking your frazzled energy and providing a place for it to land.

As Taylor Marsh puts it:

“But speaking as a heterosexual woman, these sigma male traits seem far more appealing than the stereotypical alpha male ones. For example, sigmas are supposed to excel at being quiet and listening.

They don’t need to convince everyone they’re right or even broadcast their opinions 24/7. I can’t even begin to express how much of a game-changer that is for a relationship.”

What about different types than sigmas?

Sigma males are relatively rare. There are many other types of guys out there.

Here are a few and the positive aspects they bring to the table in a relationship.

Alpha Male

Alpha males are basically the extroverted version of a sigma male. They like to be group leaders and be busy and involved in their community.

In relationships, they take the lead and hold themselves and their partner to a high standard. They can be a great catch for a woman who’s interested in embracing her feminine side and letting her man take charge.

Beta Male

Beta males tend to stay in the background where alpha males strive forward and sigma males pursue goals independently. Betas can be reliable and good providers, but they’re often somewhat passive and a bit lazy.

Beta males get a bad rap, but they’re not necessarily “weak” or some other such description, they’re just not dominant. And sometimes that can be a good thing.

Delta Male

Delta males are basically the bread and butter of society. They are dependable and generally very good guys, but they don’t tend to be leaders and they can be a bit bland.

On the upside, delta males tend to make really loyal, affectionate partners.

Gamma Male

Gamma males are ambitious and heartfelt, but they aren’t natural leaders like alphas, or introspective and charismatic like sigmas.

The downside of the gamma is he can be jealous and self-obsessed. The upside is he can be a lot of fun and unique.

Omega Male

Omega males are the back of the pack. There’s nothing necessarily “wrong” with them, but they are often low-confidence and low energy. They want to fade into the woodwork and sometimes have a victim mentality.

On the upside, there are definitely hidden gems among the omega male population who’ve been overlooked but actually have a lot to offer.

Should you date a sigma male?

Sigma males are special.

I know you could say that everyone is special and play the Barney theme song while you’re at it.

But my point is that sigmas don’t really fit into this “top-down” hierarchy idea that social scientists have developed with alphas, betas and so on.

Sigmas are quiet but assertive.

They’re soft-spoken but firm.

They don’t like to lead, but they react strongly against unjust authority.

They can seem withdrawn and shy, but they actually tend to be very good at attracting women.

The point is that a sigma is an enigma like I said.

If you’re a complex person who wants a guy that matches your wits and your personal integrity then a sigma can be the ideal match.

How this one revelation changed my love life

It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…

I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.

I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.

I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.

What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.

If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.

Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.

I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.

Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.

As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.

We do this by promoting his masterclasses.

One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.

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Best wishes,
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder

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