If you’re looking for a relationship that is both long-term and romantic, you may want to consider dating a nice guy.
But what if the nice guy checks all the boxes and is perfect on paper, but there’s just no chemistry between you?
Don’t give up!
It’s important to keep in mind that although you can feel chemistry instantly, it could also take months to discover.
Here are 11 tips if you’re dating a nice guy but have no chemistry with him:
Let’s get started:
1) Give him a chance, don’t give up immediately
If you’ve started dating a nice guy but think that there’s no chemistry between you, don’t give up immediately.
- He’s well educated and has good manners.
- He’s sweet and sensitive.
- He likes to read.
- He has a good sense of humor.
- He likes the same movies that you do.
- He’s tidy.
- He can cook.
- He’s really good-looking.
And so on, and so forth, you get the point…
If this is a guy that has a lot of great attributes, if he’s handsome and makes you laugh, if he respects you and you feel comfortable around him, you need to give him a chance.
In my experience, you may not feel butterflies in your stomach when you see him, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have chemistry.
What I’m trying to say is, get to know the guy a little better, spend some more time with him.
The bottom line is don’t write him off just because he failed to make your heart race on the first date.
2) Give him a chance to be your hero
Maybe there’s no chemistry between you because of your preconceived idea about nice guys.
What if I told you that you needed to wake up his primal instincts to protect you in order to change how you see him?
There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the ‘hero instinct’.
This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.
Now, I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.
The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.
But how do you trigger this instinct in him?
The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.
If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.
He tells you everything you need to know about the hero instinct, including exactly how to trigger it in your man.
I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.
3) Chemistry doesn’t always equal love
So, I don’t know if it is the fault of Hollywood or old romance novels, but somehow people have come to the conclusion that you can’t have a successful and loving relationship without chemistry.
I’m here to bust that myth.
Think about it:
How many times have you dated a total jerk who made you weak in the knees but had no respect for you?
How many times have you gone out with someone purely because of the chemistry between you only to find out that you have nothing to talk about?
How many of these guys did you end up having loving and fulfilling relationships with?
Here’s the thing:
It’s great if you can find someone with whom you have a lot in common, who treats you right, and who makes your heart race.
But just because the last part may be missing, doesn’t mean you can’t fall in love with this person and have a long and happy relationship with them.
4) Chemistry may take time to appear
The truth is that you can’t force chemistry – you can will the racing heart and stomach butterflies into existence when you see a person – it has to come naturally.
Sometimes you need to give it some time.
Maybe your chemistry isn’t very strong because you haven’t gotten a chance to get familiarized with each other yet.
If that is the case, then slow down and expand your relationship on the basis of trust and communication.
What you need to do is to keep an open mind and be patient.
5) What if he’s actually your soulmate?
Don’t write this guy off just because you don’t immediately feel physical chemistry.
I mean, what if he turns out to be your soulmate?
But how can you find out for certain that they’re your soulmate?
We can spend a lot of time and emotion chasing the wrong person – finding your true soulmate isn’t easy.
But what if there was a way to know for sure?
I’ve just stumbled upon a way to do this… a professional psychic artist who can draw a sketch of what your soulmate looks like.
I wouldn’t normally try something like this, but my friend convinced me to try it out a few weeks ago.
The crazy thing was I recognized him straight away. The sketch was scarily clear and accurate.
If you’re ready to find out what your soulmate looks like, get your own sketch drawn here.
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Suffering from Empty and Draining Relationships?
The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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6) There are different types of chemistry
Did you know that there are different types of chemistry between people?
They don’t all have to be equally intense or obvious.
- There’s the type of chemistry that teenagers experience for example – where they think that they will die if they are not together with their beloved.
- There’s physical chemistry – an intense sexual attraction between people who may not even know each other all that well.
- There’s emotional chemistry – it’s when you feel safe and comfortable around each other. It’s when the other person feels like home.
- There’s personality – that’s when two people are attracted to each other for they are, for their
- There’s intellectual chemistry – when two people are attracted to each other’s minds and can spend hours and hours just talking.
- There’s creative chemistry – partners with high creative chemistry understand and support each other’s creative ventures and are even able to be successful business partners.
- There’s even spiritual chemistry – when two people connect on a spiritual level – when they share religious views or their moral values align.
Just because you didn’t feel any butterflies in your stomach doesn’t mean that you and this guy don’t share any chemistry. Get to know him a little better and keep in mind the different types of chemistry.
7) Forget Hollywood stereotypes
When it comes to high and unrealistic expectations in love, I blame Hollywood.
Hollywood movies portray romantic relationships a certain way, and when life fails to deliver just that – people pass on wonderful opportunities.
Here’s the thing:
Hollywood likes to keep us dreaming about a perfect romantic relationship, but we need to remember that Hollywood is fake. It’s not real life.
So, when you kiss a guy, don’t expect your leg to go up to make a right angle at the knee – something that’s been in so many movies that it has a name now: foot pop.
Don’t think that because he’s not charming he can’t be the love of your life.
What you need to do is forget Hollywood and ask yourself, “Do I like this guy – even if he’s not like the guys in the movies?”
8) Stop comparing him to your ex
I don’t know about you, but I tend to compare the guys I’m dating to my ex.
It’s like I’m looking for any flaws he has instead of giving him a chance.
Here’s where chemistry comes in.
If I don’t experience the same type of chemistry with this guy as I did with my ex, I write him off.
Ask yourself this:
If your ex was so wonderful that you compare all other guys to him, why didn’t it work out?
Maybe your ex had some great qualities but in the end, there was something wrong with your relationship. Maybe you didn’t have as much chemistry as you thought.
Stop comparing new guys to your ex because they may be a hundred times better but you won’t see it if you’re stuck in the past.
9) Get out of your comfort zone
If you’re not sure about your chemistry with the nice guy you’re dating, maybe you should shake things up a bit.
Instead of going on all the traditional dates – movie, dinner, ice cream – why not try and be a bit more adventurous?
You see, if you go out of your comfort zone and try something different, something more daring – like bungee jumping or interactive theater – you may see another side to your nice guy.
All in all, the chemistry might be there, you’re just looking at it in the wrong light.
10) Roller-coaster feelings aren’t always a good thing
Now, maybe you’re used to a roller coaster of emotions in a relationship.
Maybe angst, jealousy, and conflict make you feel alive.
Maybe you’re so accustomed to these intense feelings – even if they’re essentially negative – that in their absence, you worry that you don’t have chemistry.
You’re looking for the obsessive and intense feeling that a teenager feels, the “I can’t live without you” kind.
But that’s not love. Sometimes people confuse anxiety for love. They think if they don’t spend sleepless nights thinking about their nice guy, then the relationship is doomed.
Here’s the deal:
Remember how I said that there are different types of chemistry? Well, before you rule someone out, think about whether you have other kinds of chemistry with them, such as emotional chemistry.
11) Bad boys are bad boyfriend material
Yes, I know.
Bad boys make your heart race. Bad boys make you weak in the knees.
But, bad boys also make you cry. They don’t take your feelings into consideration.
They put themselves first.
So it all adds up to this:
If you want a serious relationship with a responsible adult who’ll treat you like a queen, who’ll love and respect you and share their life with you, you won’t find it with a bad boy.
It’s the nice guy that you should turn to.
You may not feel the same kind of chemistry with him as you might with a bad guy, but you might actually find a different, deeper, and more meaningful connection.
Give the nice guy a chance!
By now you should have a better understanding of the different types of chemistry and what it means to be dating a nice guy with no chemistry.
You want to keep on dating him, but you’re not sure that the chemistry will ever appear.
So what can you do to resolve this?
Well, I mentioned the unique concept of the hero instinct earlier. It’s revolutionized the way I understand how men work in relationships.
You see, when you trigger a man’s hero instinct, all those emotional walls come down. He feels better in himself and he’ll naturally begin to associate those good feelings with you.
And it’s all down to knowing how to trigger these innate drivers that motivate men to love, commit, and protect.
So if you’re ready to take your relationship to that level, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.
How this one revelation changed my love life
It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…
I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.
What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.
If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.
Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.
As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.
We do this by promoting his masterclasses.
One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.
Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder