Everybody wants to know, “how do you move on from heartbreak?”
“How can I heal the pain? How can I let go of my past?”
If it were easy, we wouldn’t be asking. We’d have an answer and we’d be done.
But it’s hard. Heartbreak is hard. Breakups are hard.
That’s why I’m so excited about Conscious Uncoupling by Mindvalley, an amazing program that helps you deal with the heartache of a breakup.
Conscious Uncoupling knows that we hate the pain, but it also shows you how your pain can help build a stronger future relationship?
After taking it, I have to say, it’s pretty impressive. But did I think it was worth it?
Let’s dive in to our Conscious Uncoupling review to find out if this course is worth it for you.
What is Conscious Uncoupling?
Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas is a 35-day program for people who want to heal from a painful breakup.
It’s not your typical “how-to-move-on” online therapy session. Instead, Thomas shares a 5-step method of Conscious Uncoupling aimed at helping individuals/couples to “navigate the end of their relationship with grace, dignity, and goodwill.”
Thomas guides you through 5 weeks of intention-based work that gives you the tools to come out of a painful breakup as a healthy and empowered individual.
Here’s what you’ll learn from this Quest:
- Protect yourself (and your children if you have them) from unnecessary pain
- Resolve debilitating emotions like rage, resentment, guilt, or hurt
- Determine toxic, recurring relationship patterns and break through them
- Find yourself and your worth as an individual
- Generate authentic forgiveness for yourself and others so you can enter the next phase of your life free of emotional baggage
The Conscious Uncoupling Mindvalley quest is about more than just moving on. It’s about healing and rediscovering yourself as an individual, fully separate from the “role” you played in your previous relationship.
Because admit it or not, we all invest parts of ourselves when we build a life with someone. And we all feel like we’ve lost it when it’s over. This quest is about navigating that unknown.
Who is Katherine Woodward Thomas?
Katherine Woodward Thomas is widely regarded as the breakup guru who invented the term “Conscious Uncoupling.” Her breakup principles went mainstream when actress Gwyneth Paltrow used them to announce her separation from Chris Martin.
Before her global success, many experts considered her approach new-agey. But her methods have since been highly acknowledged and Thomas continues to travel the world, speaking, training, and helping thousands to “consciously uncouple.” Her teachings have been featured in The Today Show, The New York Times, Time Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, and many more media outlets around the world.
Thomas was a relationship psychotherapist for 25 years before she published her NY Times best-selling book, “Conscious Uncoupling: The Five Steps to Living Happily Even After.” The book was inspired by her experience of divorce. Although heartbroken, she and her husband were determined to spare their daughter the pain of a messy separation. This shared intention led to a relatively healthy divorce and was the basis to which the 5 principles of Conscious Uncoupling was born.
Where can I take Conscious Uncoupling?
Conscious Uncoupling is available on Mindvalley. Mindvalley is probably the world’s biggest online education platform devoted explicitly to personal growth.
They have are about 30 quests available. Quest is the name they have for an online course.
Each quest is lead by an instructor who is an expert in the field. Their quests cover topics like hypnotherapy, chakras, relationships, flow, parenting, speed reading, and more.
In our example, Conscious Uncoupling, our Quest is led by expert Katherine Woodward Thomas. Their other courses have similar experts in their fields.
Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas is exclusively available on Mindvalley, but there are two different ways you can enroll in the class: by purchasing it directly or enrolling in the All Access Pass.
If you decide to enroll in the All Access Pass, you have the opportunity to take 30+ classes for a competitive, annual fee. It’s great if you’re looking to really expand your personal development.
How much does Conscious Uncoupling by Mindvalley cost?
You can enroll in Mindvalley’s Conscious Uncoupling Quest with a discounted rate of $399 (regularly priced at $1,049.)
Here’s what you’ll get:
- A lifetime digital access to Katherine Woodward’s 35-day Quest, which includes all the video content, workbooks, and growth exercises.
- Bonus materials: 5 sets of guided meditation exercises and an exclusive talk by Katherine Woodward, Calling In The One, which contains a step-by-step to attracting the love you desire.
- Access to the Quest’s exclusive Facebook group where you can get support from Conscious Uncoupling coaches and meet and interact with fellow students.
You can also purchase the Digital Access along with a Completion Certificate for $449 (regularly priced at $1,049.) However, please note that this only certifies your participation in the Conscious Uncoupling Quest. It is not a certification allowing you to coach others. I personally skipped this option. But if you like collecting these things, it can be a nice way to commemorate your experience.
All Mindvalley programs can be accessed in your desktops and smartphones. And you have 15 days risk-free to try it out. You may also pay through installments of 3.
Can I get Conscious Uncoupling on sale?
In a word, yes.
Conscious Uncoupling is part of the Mindvalley course catalogue. If you are into all the courses they offer, there is a pretty sweet deal that allows you access to 30+ of their most popular courses for a low price.
For just $599, you get access to 30+ of there courses for an entire year.
$599. That’s less than the price of two regular Mindvalley classes.
Interested in Superbrain by Jim Kwik? Can’t decide if Conscious Uncoupling or Superbrain is the course for you?
With Mindvalley Quest All Access Pass, this decision is a lot easier. It’s a year’s membership for the price of less than two courses. It’s perfect for the committed learner!
Check out our review of the Mindvalley Quest All Access Pass for an in-depth review!
Who is Conscious Uncoupling for?
The Conscious Uncoupling Quest is crafted for three types of people:
- People who suffered a recent breakup
- People whose relationship is failing
- People who can’t get over a past relationship
I’ll be honest: after taking this course, I can definitely say that this course is right for anybody suffering from heartache.
Why?
Because it forces us to use our pain as a tool.
There are many of us who don’t want to deal with the pain and grief of a heartbreak. So many of us want to “move on” without doing the heavy emotional work.
That’s not possible. You have to grieve.
Conscious Uncoupling shows us how to use that pain in order to “move on.”
But it’s more than that. Conscious Uncoupling is for people who want to go through a more kind, gentle, and conscious process of breaking up. It’s for people who want a “clean break” from their exes.
In this case, it’s perfect for those who want to create a new form of relationship with their ex as co-parents, friends, co-workers, etc. It’s also great for parents who wish to transition to a healthy post-divorce family where everyone is mentally and emotionally healthy after the separation.
Conscious Uncoupling by Mindvalley is ideal for anyone who wants to heal from a failed relationship and wants to prevent failures from happening next time.
What’s it like taking Conscious Uncoupling
Conscious Uncoupling is a 35-day Mindvalley Quest.
That means that you’ll be working with Katherine every day for a little over a month to complete the healing process.
Each day, you’ll unlock new videos and exercises that you will complete in order to better yourself.
This healing is critical, and it can certainly be a very intense process. Make sure you are prepared for the powerful healing it provides.
Conscious Uncoupling feels like real therapy.
I’ve taken other Mindvalley quests before and nothing was as intense as this. The moment I started this quest, I was struck at how deeply intimate and relatable it was.
You’ll go through work—and I mean hard work. You can’t do this quest in one sitting. You’ll have to “unlock” each lesson as you go through it.
This is serious stuff and you need to be 100% committed to the process. Otherwise, you’re just wasting your time and money.
Pre-assessment
Before you start, you can take a pre-assessment test that will determine your current level of health and recovery as it relates to your breakup. This is optional. But it will allow you to see just how much progress you’ve made at the end of the quest.
Daily Exercises
Katherine designed the program to be taken every day, with intention-based and growth-work exercises, journaling, and a lot of allotted time for self-reflection in between.
What’s that mean?
It means that you need to budget 20-40 minutes each day to watch videos and complete exercises for your classes. No skipping the work! Growth takes work!
Each week, you’ll get a new set of 20-minute video materials and workbooks that you have to use as you work through the 5-step conscious uncoupling process. You’ll have to allot 5 days for the week’s exercises and 2 days for reflection and integration.
There are also meditation exercises available to help deepen your learning and engage yourself in the work. But again, this is optional. Don’t worry if you’re not into this sort of stuff. The meditation material is separate from the video lessons so you don’t have to skip through them.
3 Stages of Conscious Uncoupling
The curriculum is divided into 3 stages. Here’s an overview of what you’ll go through:
Stage 1 – Overcoming grief. This stage is all about unpacking your grief, resentment, and disappointment. Here, Katherine debunks the myth that “time heals all wounds.” She introduces you to three simple strategies that will immediately break you open so you can start the process of self-forgiveness.
Stage 2 – Breaking old toxic patterns and reframing your perspective on love. This is a powerful stage. It’s also incredibly cathartic. Stage 2 is about taking responsibility for your part of the breakup, even if it’s only 3%. You’ll be going through some difficult realizations about any toxic relational patterns you’ve been harboring. At the end of this stage, Katherine shares some insights on how you can reframe these toxic patterns and look at love in a more healthy perspective.
Stage 3 – Creating your “Happily Even-After.” Last but definitely not least is the six stages of grief. Here, you’ll finally let go of what you’ve lost, but only if you acknowledge it in a loving and honoring way. You’ll move on from the victim stage and proceed to the act of loving yourself through conscious self-care. This final stage is about healing and opening yourself up to a fresh new start.
The Mindvalley Tribe
You’re going to be relying on The Tribe in this quest.
What’s The Tribe?
It’s an exclusive Facebook group page where you can meet other coaches and students and share your learning and experience with them. But unlike other Mindvalley communities, there are strict ground rules on the tribe. It’s actually one of my most favorite things about the Conscious Uncoupling quest.
The Tribe serves as a safe space for your healing. If you don’t have anyone to talk to or if you feel alienated during your breakup, this is a great place for you to find solace. There is no advice-giving or judgment in this community. Everyone is kind and courteous. You’ll get support from people who are uniquely in the same position as you.
My experience taking Conscious Uncoupling
So what was it like for me taking Conscious Uncoupling?
Healing.
Imagine yourself sitting in a cozy private office, feeling completely safe and unjudged as this gentle person listens to you and helps you sort through your emotions in a way that makes you feel completely validated and understood.
I have never even had an in-person therapist who made me feel as validated as Katherine did. She is the epitome of what I wish every therapist would be. She has a soothing air that immediately makes you feel safe. At the same time, she is firm enough to make you realize some hard-punching truths.
I imagine that if I was going through a painful, all-consuming breakup, she’s the kind of person I would run to. And in truth I found myself wishing a couple of times that I had taken this Quest when I was going through my previous breakups.
Everything she said just makes sense.
If I had the knowledge I have now, I wouldn’t have blundered my way through those wasted years, harboring unprocessed grief and making all those stupid decisions.
Conscious Uncoupling isn’t just about moving on. I honestly hate that term—moving on. Because it’s impossible to just “move on” from the life you’ve built with someone you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with. The term devalues a long-term, committed relationship.
And Katherine understands this best. She doesn’t aim to give you the miracle answer to mend your heart. She wants you to go through your separation as gently but assuredly as possible so that you don’t leave a stone unturned.
Afterward, you can say: “I have left all that pain behind with grace.”
She said one thing that struck me deeply:
“Breakups are a litmus test of character. They can tempt even the most mature and spiritually advanced of us to behave badly at the end of a relationship. Rather than react from the most primitive and fear-based parts of ourselves, in a conscious uncoupling, we do our best to respond to whatever is happening in an emotionally balanced and generative generous way, doing our best to preserve the love that originally brought us together.”
Katherine Woodward Thomas
That’s the heart of what this Quest is about. It isn’t just about learning how to move on and heal. It’s about going through a sustainable process of healing. A process that doesn’t just focus on regaining your life back. But also acknowledging what you’ve lost, unpacking all the disappointment, and coming out of the experience wiser, and a little bit more whole.
3 things I learned after taking Conscious Uncoupling by Mindvalley
I’ve learned a lot of things in Conscious Uncoupling. Some of the things I’ve learned isn’t just about loving others, but loving myself completely, too.
Here are the 3most important lessons I’ve learned from this quest:
1. Healing is not a linear process
Breakups are messy. It can bring the absolute worst in us. And I loved that Katherine Woodward Thomas took the time to acknowledge this. Even though she has formulated a 5-step process that will help you move on with grace, she understands that you can’t do it perfectly.
You have to allow yourself to not be okay, to be weak, even to make mistakes.
When I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life, I was very unforgiving of myself. I thought that the goal was to move on as fast as possible. I didn’t want anyone to pity me. I had to appear strong, happy, and perfectly able to move on.
But this only led me to carry unprocessed grief for a long time. I made a lot of mistakes.
Really unnecessary ones.
Taking this quest just brought all of those memories back. It made me realize that if I had been more accepting of my pain, I would have moved on without inflicting that much pain to myself and others.
Everything worked out anyway.
But I went through a long and unhealthy process of moving on. I wish I hadn’t spent so much time ignoring my feelings.
If you’re someone who’s going through the same thing, don’t make my regret your own. You’ll save yourself the wasted time and heartbreak if you start accepting that you’re only human—you have to give yourself the space to hurt as one
2. You have to take responsibility, even if you believe you didn’t do anything wrong.
“Take responsibility for your part. I know that others behave badly. I understand that they victimize us with their poor choices, their unconscious, and hurtful thoughts, yet we unleash a tremendous amount of power to catapult our own development beyond painful patterns and to generate a positive future, when we are willing to own our part in things. Even if our collusion was somewhat covert in nature, it was passive, it was largely invisible. The point of power rests outside victimization.”
Playing the victim might be the most natural role to take. But it will only hold back your healing.
Everyone breaks up in different circumstances. And I don’t hold myself in any position to invalidate your pain. But even if you feel like you only had 3% of the blame in your breakup, you have to take responsibility for that part too. Otherwise, you’re stuck in a toxic cycle of blame, resentment, and disappointment.
Conscious Uncoupling has taught me one of the most important lessons in life, not just love:
Taking responsibility is owning power.
Relationships require two people. Even if all you did was minimize red flags or failed to negotiate for your needs, you have to understand the part you took in the breakdown. This is how you ensure you grow from this experience.
3. You alone have the power to get yourself through this
“Our past and present circumstances, they don’t determine our future. And though you might be currently challenged, you might be currently troubled, you actually have the power to find your way to a much more positive future by setting clear intentions and then living in alignment with those intentions. There is no fixed future out there somewhere. You and I, we are constantly generating our future by how we are interpreting and then responding to whatever is happening—how we are taking actions, how we are making choices—we want those to be consistent with the future that we’re standing for.”
You have all the power, and thus, the ultimate control as to how you want to move on from this heartbreak.
One of the things I loved about this program is its intention-based growth work. It reminded me of another masterclass I took with Rudá Iandê on love and intimacy. This masterclass is completely free and produced here on Ideapod.
In the masterclass, Rudá presents a vision for relationships where we focus on ourselves. He persuasively argues that the relationships we have are exactly based on the relationships we have with ourselves.
“Remember that the kind of relationships you will materialize in your life is exactly the externalization of the relationship you have with yourself. Your loving relationships are reflections of your inner relationship. Learn to be loving, supportive, respectful to yourself, and you will materialize the same quality in your relationships.”
Rudá Iandê
Conscious Uncoupling: Pros and Cons
With every class I review, there were some things I loved as well as a few things I think could have been improved. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t go over the pros and cons so you could decide for yourself if Conscious Uncoupling by Mindvalley is right for you.
Pros
- Katherine Woodward Thomas is an incredible teacher
- Katherine has a naturally calming yet truthful demeanor which allows her to deliver some hard-hitting truths without coming across as unkind. She helps you discover what you need to grow.
- There’s a ton of material to work with.
- Like all Mindvalley Classes, Conscious Uncoupling has so many videos and exercises in this class that you definitely feel you’ve learned everything you possibly can on how to heal from a breakup.
- You’ll begin to heal
- Healing is not a linear process. It’s not even a process that is always completed. But Conscious Uncoupling kickstarts the healing, and shows you a path forward.
Cons
- It’s not a replacement for therapy
- While Katherine Woodward Thomas is very kind and very intelligent, the class isn’t live. You’ll get some exercises and great insights, but you can’t develop the back-and-forth rapport with her like you could with an in-person therapist.
- It’s emotionally taxing
- This isn’t really a bad thing, but it is something to be aware of. This course was emotionally intense, and you should be prepared to sit with some discomfort during the healing process.
- It is pricey.
- Mindvalley courses are not inexpensive. Even with the All Access Quest, you’re still looking at shelling out $600 dollars for access to 30+ online courses. While we really enjoy the quality of education that Mindvalley provides, we understand that it’s not always financially feasible.
Is Conscious Uncoupling worth it?
Conscious Uncoupling by Mindvalley is definitely worth it. This Quest is an ideal course for emotional healing.
If you’ve gone through a painful breakup, or are in the middle of a failing relationship, then you definitely will benefit from Katherine’s insightful and calm demeanor. She’ll teach you how to make a partner out of your pain, in order to bring about much-needed healing.
I found the course to be beautiful, profound, and emotionally uplifting. I’ll admit that it was also taxing, and made me unearth some feelings and thoughts that I’d rather have ignored. But, you have to deal with your pain in order to heal. Conscious Uncoupling made that very clear, and it pushed me to go through the healing process.
I’m very glad that I rose to the occasion.
The power of intentions
Right from the start, this quest is focused on creating intentions, gaining the willingness to take actions, and making choices that will fulfill these intentions. It’s not just about healing from pain but going that extra mile to be stronger and wiser than before.
You have the power to choose to be better in spite of this pain. To be the bigger person and to allow forgiveness to bloom inside you, not for your ex, but for yourself.
So I will leave you one of my favorite quotes on this program:
“In the absence of a heartfelt amends offered to you by another person, that amends can also be made to yourself. By making a commitment to get the full value from your suffering, by creating something of equal or even greater value that turns your suffering into something beautiful like wisdom and love that you can pay forward. I have found that the most valuable life lessons are extremely expensive ones. So the amends that you make to yourself and to others can be a promise just to do things differently from now on. Or a creative contribution to bless the lives of others in some meaningful way and pay forward your lessons learned.”
