As a relationship writer, I’m often asked, “how do you move on from heartbreak?”
No one really teaches us about love, partnership, pain, and grief. Instead, we need to learn about it from experience.
I took Conscious Uncoupling so that I can give my readers more than just empty words of comfort. But this program became more personal.
It was about self-love, empowerment, and forgiveness. I finished this quest with a healthier and kinder perspective on love and loss.
Let me walk you through my experience taking Conscious Uncoupling by Mindvalley, and what you can hope to learn in this incredibly relatable quest.
What is Conscious Uncoupling?
Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas is a 35-day program for people who want to heal from a painful breakup.
It’s not your typical “how-to-move-on” online therapy session. Instead, Thomas shares a 5-step method of conscious uncoupling aimed at helping individuals/couples to “navigate the end of their relationship with grace, dignity, and goodwill.”
Thomas guides you through 5 weeks of intention-based work that gives you the tools to come out of a painful breakup as a healthy and empowered individual.
Here’s what you’ll learn from this Quest:
- Protect yourself (and your children if you have them) from unnecessary pain
- Resolve debilitating emotions like rage, resentment, guilt, or hurt
- Determine toxic, recurring relationship patterns and break through them
- Find yourself and your worth as an individual
- Generate authentic forgiveness for yourself and others so you can enter the next phase of your life free of emotional baggage
This quest is about more than just moving on. It’s about healing and rediscovering yourself as an individual, fully separate from the “role” you played in your previous relationship.
Because admit it or not, we all invest parts of ourselves when we build a life with someone. And we all feel like we’ve lost it when it’s over. This quest is about navigating that unknown.
Who is Katherine Woodward Thomas?
Katherine Woodward Thomas is widely regarded as the breakup guru who invented the term “Conscious Uncoupling.” Her breakup principles went mainstream when actress Gwyneth Paltrow used them to announce her separation from Chris Martin.
Before her global success, many experts considered her approach new-agey. But her methods have since been highly acknowledged and Thomas continues to travel the world, speaking, training, and helping thousands to “consciously uncouple.” Her teachings have been featured in The Today Show, The New York Times, Time Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, and many more media outlets around the world.
Thomas was a relationship psychotherapist for 25 years before she published her NY Times best-selling book, “Conscious Uncoupling: The Five Steps to Living Happily Even After.” The book was inspired by her experience of divorce. Although heartbroken, she and her husband were determined to spare their daughter the pain of a messy separation. This shared intention led to a relatively healthy divorce and was the basis to which the 5 principles of Conscious Uncoupling was born.
Who is Conscious Uncoupling for?
According to Mindvalley, this Quest is for people who are fresh off a breakup, on the verge of breaking up or are still struggling with a previous relationship.
And it really is.
There are many of us who don’t want to deal with the pain and grief of a heartbreak. Anyone who simply wants to “move on” will find this program immensely helpful.
But it’s more than that. Conscious Uncoupling is for people who want to go through a more kind, gentle, and conscious process of breaking up. It’s for people who want a “clean break” from their exes.
In this case, it’s perfect for those who want to create a new form of relationship with their ex as co-parents, friends, co-workers, etc. It’s also great for parents who wish to transition to a healthy post-divorce family where everyone is mentally and emotionally healthy after the separation.
How much is Conscious Uncoupling by Mindvalley?
You can enroll in Mindvalley’s Conscious Uncoupling Quest with a discounted rate of $399 (regularly priced at $1,049.)
Here’s what you’ll get:
- A lifetime digital access to Katherine Woodward’s 35-day Quest, which includes all the video content, workbooks, and growth exercises.
- Bonus materials: 5 sets of guided meditation exercises and an exclusive talk by Katherine Woodward, Calling In The One, which contains a step-by-step to attracting the love you desire.
- Access to the Quest’s exclusive Facebook group where you can get support from Conscious Uncoupling coaches and meet and interact with fellow students.
You can also purchase the Digital Access along with a Completion Certificate for $449 (regularly priced at $1,049.) However, please note that this only certifies your participation in the Conscious Uncoupling Quest. It is not a certification allowing you to coach others. I personally skipped this option. But if you like collecting these things, it can be a nice way to commemorate your experience.
All Mindvalley programs can be accessed in your desktops and smartphones. And you have 15 days risk-free to try it out. You may also pay through installments of 3.
What’s it like taking Conscious Uncoupling by Mindvalley?
Imagine yourself sitting in a cozy private office, feeling completely safe and unjudged as this gentle person listens to you and helps you sort through your emotions in a way that makes you feel completely validated and understood.
I wish I could say that every experience I had with a therapist is similar to my experience taking Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas. Unfortunately, I had my fair share of ineffective therapists who made me feel as if my time and money went to waste.
But Katherine is the complete opposite. She is the epitome of what I wish every therapist would be. She has a soothing air that immediately makes you feel safe. At the same time, she is firm enough to make you realize some hard-punching truths.
I imagine that if I was going through a painful, all-consuming breakup, she’s the kind of person I would run to. And in truth I found myself wishing a couple of times that I had taken this Quest when I was going through my previous breakups.
Everything she said just makes sense.
If I had the knowledge I have now, I wouldn’t have blundered my way through those wasted years, harboring unprocessed grief and making all those stupid decisions.
Conscious Uncoupling isn’t just about moving on. I honestly hate that term—moving on. Because it’s impossible to just “move on” from the life you’ve built with someone you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with. The term devalues a long-term, committed relationship.
And Katherine understands this best. She doesn’t aim to give you the miracle answer to mend your heart. She wants you to go through your separation as gently but assuredly as possible so that you don’t leave a stone unturned.
Afterward, you can say: “I have left all that pain behind with grace.”
She said one thing that struck me deeply:
“Breakups are a litmus test of character. They can tempt even the most mature and spiritually advanced of us to behave badly at the end of a relationship. Rather than react from the most primitive and fear-based parts of ourselves, in a conscious uncoupling, we do our best to respond to whatever is happening in an emotionally balanced and generative generous way, doing our best to preserve the love that originally brought us together.”Katherine Woodward Thomas
That’s the heart of what this Quest is about. It isn’t just about learning how to move on and heal. It’s about going through a sustainable process of healing. A process that doesn’t just focus on regaining your life back. But also acknowledging what you’ve lost, unpacking all the disappointment, and coming out of the experience wiser, and a little bit more whole.
Conscious Uncoupling feels like real therapy.
I’ve taken other Mindvalley quests before and nothing was as intensive as this. The moment I started this quest, I was struck at how deeply intimate and relatable it was.
You’ll go through work—and I mean hard work. You can’t do this quest in one sitting. You’ll have to “unlock” each lesson as you go through it.
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This is serious stuff and you need to be 100% committed to the process. Otherwise, you’re just wasting your time and money.
Before you start, you can take a pre-assessment test that will determine your current level of health and recovery as it relates to your breakup. This is optional. But it will allow you to see just how much progress you’ve made at the end of the quest.
Katherine designed the program to be taken every day, with intention-based and growth-work exercises, journaling, and a lot of allotted time for self-reflection in between. Each week, you’ll get a new set of 20-minute video materials and workbooks that you have to use as you work through the 5-step conscious uncoupling process. You’ll have to allot 5 days for the week’s exercises and 2 days for reflection and integration.
There are also meditation exercises available to help deepen your learning and engage yourself in the work. But again, this is optional. Don’t worry if you’re not into this sort of stuff. The meditation material is separate from the video lessons so you don’t have to skip through them.
There’s a lot of emphasis on using The Tribe in this quest. It’s an exclusive Facebook group page where you can meet other coaches and students and share your learning and experience with them. But unlike other Mindvalley communities, there are strict ground rules on the tribe. It’s actually one of my most favorite things about the Conscious Uncoupling quest.
The Tribe serves as a safe space for your healing. If you don’t have anyone to talk to or if you feel alienated during your breakup, this is a great place for you to find solace. There is no advice-giving or judgment in this community. Everyone is kind and courteous. You’ll get support from people who are uniquely in the same position as you.
The curriculum is divided into 3 stages. Here’s an overview of what you’ll go through:
Stage 1 – Overcoming grief. This stage is all about unpacking your grief, resentment, and disappointment. Here, Katherine debunks the myth that “time heals all wounds.” She introduces you to three simple strategies that will immediately break you open so you can start the process of self-forgiveness.
Stage 2 – Breaking old toxic patterns and reframing your perspective on love. This is a powerful stage. It’s also incredibly cathartic. Stage 2 is about taking responsibility for your part of the breakup, even if it’s only 3%. You’ll be going through some difficult realizations about any toxic relational patterns you’ve been harboring. At the end of this stage, Katherine shares some insights on how you can reframe these toxic patterns and look at love in a more healthy perspective.
Stage 3 – Creating your “Happily Even-After.” Last but definitely not the least is the six stages of grief. Here, you’ll finally let go of what you’ve lost, but only if you acknowledge it in a loving and honoring way. You’ll move on from the victim stage and proceed to the act of loving yourself through conscious self-care. This final stage is about healing and opening yourself up to a fresh new start.
3 things I learned after taking Conscious Uncoupling by Mindvalley
I’ve learned a lot of things in Conscious Uncoupling. Some of the things I’ve learned isn’t just about loving others, but loving myself completely, too.
Here are the 3most important lessons I’ve learned from this quest:
1. Healing is not a linear process
Breakups are messy. It can bring the absolute worst in us. And I loved that Katherine Woodward Thomas took the time to acknowledge this. Even though she has formulated a 5-step process that will help you move on with grace, she understands that you can’t do it perfectly.
You have to allow yourself to not be okay, to be weak, even to make mistakes.
When I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life, I was very unforgiving of myself. I thought that the goal was to move on as fast as possible. I didn’t want anyone to pity me. I had to appear strong, happy, and perfectly able to move on.
But this only led me to carry unprocessed grief for a long time. I made a lot of mistakes.
Really unnecessary ones.
Taking this quest just brought all of those memories back. It made me realize that if I had been more accepting of my pain, I would have moved on without inflicting that much pain to myself and others.
Everything worked out anyway.
But I went through a long and unhealthy process of moving on. I wish I hadn’t spent so much time ignoring my feelings.
If you’re someone who’s going through the same thing, don’t make my regret your own. You’ll save yourself the wasted time and heartbreak if you start accepting that you’re only human—you have to give yourself the space to hurt as one
2. You have to take responsibility, even if you believe you didn’t do anything wrong.
“Take responsibility for your part. I know that others behave badly. I understand that they victimize us with their poor choices, their unconscious, and hurtful thoughts, yet we unleash a tremendous amount of power to catapult our own development beyond painful patterns and to generate a positive future, when we are willing to own our part in things. Even if our collusion was somewhat covert in nature, it was passive, it was largely invisible. The point of power rests outside victimization.”
Playing the victim might be the most natural role to take. But it will only hold back your healing.
Everyone breaks up in different circumstances. And I don’t hold myself in any position to invalidate your pain. But even if you feel like you only had 3% of the blame in your breakup, you have to take responsibility for that part too. Otherwise, you’re stuck in a toxic cycle of blame, resentment, and disappointment.
Conscious Uncoupling has taught me one of the most important lessons in life, not just love:
Taking responsibility is owning power.
Relationships require two people. Even if all you did was minimize red flags or failed to negotiate for your needs, you have to understand the part you took in the breakdown. This is how you ensure you grow from this experience.
3. You alone have the power to get yourself through this
“Our past and present circumstances, they don’t determine our future. And though you might be currently challenged, you might be currently troubled, you actually have the power to find your way to a much more positive future by setting clear intentions and then living in alignment with those intentions. There is no fixed future out there somewhere. You and I, we are constantly generating our future by how we are interpreting and then responding to whatever is happening—how we are taking actions, how we are making choices—we want those to be consistent with the future that we’re standing for.”
You have all the power, and thus, the ultimate control as to how you want to move on from this heartbreak.
One of the things I loved about this program is its intention-based growth work. It reminded me of another masterclass I took with Rudá Iandê on love and intimacy. This masterclass is completely free and produced here on Ideapod.
In the masterclass, Rudá presents a vision for relationships where we focus on ourselves. He persuasively argues that the relationships we have are exactly based on the relationships we have with ourselves.
“Remember that the kind of relationships you will materialize in your life is exactly the externalization of the relationship you have with yourself. Your loving relationships are reflections of your inner relationship. Learn to be loving, supportive, respectful to yourself, and you will materialize the same quality in your relationships.”Rudá Iandê
The power of intentions
Right from the start, this quest is focused on creating intentions, gaining the willingness to take actions, and making choices that will fulfill these intentions. It’s not just about healing from pain but going that extra mile to be stronger and wiser than before.
You have the power to choose to be better in spite of this pain. To be the bigger person and to allow forgiveness to bloom inside you, not for your ex, but for yourself.
So I will leave you one of my favorite quotes on this program:
“In the absence of a heartfelt amends offered to you by another person, that amends can also be made to yourself. By making a commitment to get the full value from your suffering, by creating something of equal or even greater value that turns your suffering into something beautiful like wisdom and love that you can pay forward. I have found that the most valuable life lessons are extremely expensive ones. So the amends that you make to yourself and to others can be a promise just to do things differently from now on. Or a creative contribution to bless the lives of others in some meaningful way and pay forward your lessons learned.”
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