14 concerning signs your partner doesn’t truly appreciate you

Love is tricky, and even at the best of times, relationships have their share of issues. 

But even when times are tough and communication is thin, it’s nice to know your partner truly cares about you and appreciates you. 

If not, why are you even in this relationship, right?

Sadly, there are many relationships where one of those involved takes the other for granted. Many of us have experienced this in our own lives and seen it in the relationships of our friends and colleagues. 

Spotting a partner who takes you for granted is important, because you deserve more. Standing up for yourself in love is crucial to end up with the partner and the relationship that will let you truly grow and truly be seen and loved. 

Here are the signs that your partner doesn’t really appreciate you. 

1) They rarely talk to you beyond the surface level

Your partner barely ever talks to you about anything deep or meaningful. 

They discuss their day-to-day activities and events with you or answer when you ask them something. 

But they rarely volunteer information or ask you questions.  They keep their own answers short. They’re just not that into it, and they don’t seem to be that into you, either. 

2) They’re not supportive and downplay your problems

Whenever your partner has a problem, you’re expected and even demanded to listen and show empathy and compassion. 

But when you are struggling or going through something, they’re nowhere to be found

In fact, they tell you that it’s not that bad or downplay your problem. 

Their problems and suffering is always worse, according to them anyway. They always win the victim Olympics. You might as well just not even bother admitting when you’re not doing well. 

3) They don’t have much value for your opinions or advice

When you do try to help out your partner and offer advice or help, their usual response is a bit of a shrug. 

“Cool, thanks.”

They’re just not that into it, and they clearly don’t value what you have to say very much. 

They’re acting like you’re one of many forgettable people offering an opinion and don’t give any more consideration to you than they would to anybody else. 

4) They don’t prioritize spending time with you or seem to enjoy it much

Your partner seems to be always busy or not have much time for you.

They even look at their phone more when you’re around or sometimes turn away. 

They take you for granted, looking up only briefly when you enter the room or giving you a poor excuse for a kiss like a kind of peck.

What is this simulacrum of a relationship? 

You may find yourself asking if you’re just too needy for affection, but the truth is that it’s your partner not giving you much attention at all. 

5) They’re emotionally passive and often seem withdrawn

Whether or not your partner is an expressive and vulnerable person, it’s fair to hope they emotionally bond with you. 

But your partner doesn’t seem to want to even try. 

He or she is often withdrawn, shrugs or laughs things off and kind of skates on the surface. They seem to be mildly uncomfortable around you or even avoid you.

They don’t seem to care about how much you love them or even really appreciate it. 

6) They don’t cheer you on or celebrate your victories 

When you have a big win, it’s fair that you want the person you love to be by your side. 

But he or she is rarely seen and barely seems to even notice that you’re hitting huge milestones in your life. 

They’re too busy on their own items to even spare a casual “congrats” half the time. 

They barely remember important dates like your birthday or anniversary of your relationship either. 

They’re only in this relationship at a very surface level

woman talking to man 14 concerning signs your partner doesn’t truly appreciate you

7) They cross your boundaries and interact with you in disrespectful ways

Every partner has times they do something not great, and all of us have dated somebody and acted in ways that were less than perfect. 

But when it becomes a noticeable and ongoing pattern, it’s more than just a bad day:

It’s a bad relationship. 

A partner who doesn’t really appreciate you will often cross your boundaries, interacting with you disrespectfully and sporadically. 

He or she fluctuates a lot in their interest level for you and is often quite rude to you. And the worst thing is they expect you just to take it and accept that kind of treatment with no complaint. 

8) They’re not grateful for what you do for them 

When you help your partner out, you don’t do it for praise:

You do it because you love them. 

In fact, you don’t expect them to be extremely thankful or express all sorts of gratitude. You do it voluntarily. 

But you notice an ongoing pattern where they barely say thanks and don’t seem to care much. 

They take the help you give. They admit that you’ve really helped them at times. But they’re not actually grateful.

In fact, it’s more like they take it for granted. 

9) They keep secrets from you and rarely open up to you

Your partner isn’t always forthcoming or truthful with you. 

Maybe you found out they were out late with a friend last week who always drinks too much with them…

Maybe you found out their work has been going terribly and they’ve been slacking while telling you they’re doing great…

They have a lot going on behind the scenes and they’re not really opening up to you. 

You’re locked out of their inner circle, or at least it sure seems that way. 

10) They demand to always get their way and refuse to compromise

Your partner is inconsiderate and egotistical much of the time, and you tend to give them a pass. 

You understand them and the way their life is stressful. You know they have their own frustrations and shortcomings. 

But they don’t extend the same courtesy to you.

They expect to always get their way and to not have to compromise or see things their way. 

11) They rarely show any physical or emotional intimacy toward you

Now and then you have some steamy times together and feel truly loved and wanted. 

But it happens less and less. 

You often feel overlooked or like a “thing” your partner gets around to when he or she is done with everything else. 

Sure, they take pleasure in you and occasionally like being around you. But you’re far from their priority, and they expect that you’ll be available and interested whenever they happen to be in the mood. 

You’re on call. Or at least they’re treating you like you are. 

12) They make decisions without taking you or your views into account first

Your partner doesn’t consult you before making decisions.

They often do things without you and don’t take you into account, even for some decisions that could impact you. 

It sometimes feels like you’re barely in a relationship and in more of a situationship. 

They happen to be with you when it’s convenient for them or they’re in a great mood or feeling horny. 

But a relationship that’s actually about togetherness and planning something together? Nowhere to be seen. 

13) They’re highly critical of you and often verge on nitpicking 

Your partner always seems to have an issue with you:

What you do, what you say, how you look, what you like to do…

They just don’t seem to approve of you in some way and seem to be silently judging or looking down on you

You can’t shake the feeling that they are almost laughing at you or finding you unsatisfactory in some way. It’s befuddling. 

14) They repeatedly show that they don’t care much about your well-being and needs

In many of the ways above and a hundred other small daily ways, your partner shows that they take you for granted.

They occasionally say a kind word or act affectionately towards you, but most of the time you’re an afterthought. 

They aren’t there for you when you’re down and need a hand. 

They aren’t around when you truly need somebody or some counsel. They’re only around now and then when they feel like it. 

Paul Brian

Paul Brian

Paul R. Brian is a freelance journalist and writer who has reported from around the world, focusing on religion, culture and geopolitics. Follow him on www.twitter.com/paulrbrian and visit his website at www.paulrbrian.com

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