Can you be friends with your narcissist ex? Everything you need to know

Can you be friends with your narcissist ex? Everything you need to know

Do you want to be friends with your narcissist ex? Or was this their idea?

As if going through a breakup was not enough, you’re now facing another challenge. You have to choose between being friends with your narcissist ex or excluding them from your life for good.

But, what will you choose? Here’s everything you need to know to make the best decision:

Is it possible to be friends with your narcissist ex?

The answer is yes. Yes, you can be friends with your narcissist ex.

But there are some things you need to keep in mind first before you decide what to do.

You see, narcissist people are defined by the following characteristics:

  • They believe they’re superior to others and they can only be understood by other special people.
  • They expect constant appreciation without giving anything back.
  • They behave in an arrogant or self-centered way, without considering the feelings of others.
  • They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance: their achievements are incredible and they are capable of anything.
  • Some narcissists may believe that there are almost no limits to what they can accomplish or become.
  • They expect others to automatically comply with their wishes or desires.
  • They are preoccupied with fantasies of power, success, brilliance, beauty, or the perfect mate.
  • They are never satisfied with what they have and always want more.
  • No matter how much success, power, brilliance, and beauty they achieve there’s still a feeling of emptiness inside them.
  • They lack empathy.

In other words, they aren’t a great match for romantic relationships or friendships.

But, since this person was a major part of your life for a while, it’s only natural to wonder what you should do now.

Should you give them a chance and stay friends or not?

10 reasons NOT to be friends with your narcissist ex

1) They won’t respect your boundaries

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Narcissists are known for their lack of respect for others.

This means they won’t think twice before crossing your boundaries, as long as it suits their needs. And that once they have crossed the line, they’ll expect you to welcome them with open arms.

They might just go through all the motions of friendship when it’s convenient for them, but their true personality is set in stone.

2) They will try to manipulate you again

Look, just because you are not in a relationship anymore with this person, it doesn’t mean that they will stop trying to manipulate you.

In fact, they will probably do it even more since they won’t have to deal with your reactions. And if you try to tell them off, they will say things like ‘I’m only joking’ or ‘I was just kidding.’

3) You won’t feel appreciated for your company

Another reason you shouldn’t be friends with your ex is that they will expect you to be there for them no matter what.

They will expect you to listen to all their problems, offer advice, and encourage them as you used to do in the past.

And if you don’t want to do this and start distancing yourself from them, they will consider this a personal attack.

4) Get tailor-made advice for your situation

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While the points in this article will help you decide whether you can or cannot be friends with a narcissist ex, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like having to deal with a narcissist ex-partner. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.

Why do I recommend them?

Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.

I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to get started.

5) They will betray you

If you’re thinking about being friends with your narcissist ex, you might want to think again.

The reason for this is that they will never be able to keep their promises or commitments. They might say that this is just how they are, but this doesn’t mean it’s the case.

They might make a promise for a date and not show up. Or promise to help you with something and completely forget about it after a while.

6) You’ll get tired of the drama and their games

Narcissists thrive on drama and games and they always want to be the center of attention. This is also why they don’t make good friends.

They will stir up drama and make their presence felt in a negative way.

Remember that friends bring out the best in you, while narcissists bring out the worst in you. So, if you want to be happy, avoid this person as much as possible.

7) They will use you for sex

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Narcissists can be very lonely and desperate for attention.

And, as a result, they might use you for sex.

They will want to be close to you because you make them feel special, but it won’t take long until they will start using you.

It’s in their nature to think that they can get whatever they want by manipulating others, but this only works for a while. Eventually, people will see them for who they really are.

8) They will try to control you

Narcissists, by nature, want to control everything and everyone around them.

This means that if you spend a lot of time with them, they will try to be in control of your life and choices too. And it won’t just stop there – they’ll also try to control how you feel and what you think about them.

If you’d like to avoid that, then work on developing your personal power. Stop searching for external fixes to sort out your life, deep down, you know this isn’t working.

And that’s because until you look within and unleash your personal power, you’ll never find the satisfaction and fulfillment you’re searching for.

I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. His life mission is to help people restore balance to their lives and unlock their creativity and potential. He has an incredible approach that combines ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist.

In his excellent free video, Rudá explains effective methods to achieve what you want in life, including from a narcissist ex.

So if you want to build a better relationship with yourself, unlock your endless potential, and put passion at the heart of everything you do, start now by checking out his genuine advice.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

9) They will take advantage of you

Narcissists can sometimes be very helpful and charming, especially the ones that don’t have so many serious issues.

They will want to surprise you and make a good impression at all times. But, in the end, they will only use your resources and take advantage of you by asking for favors or money.

How so?

They might trick you into thinking that they were in a financial crisis and ask for some money.

Or they might use your resources to flirt with other people and they’ll never admit it. Or they will borrow your car, and so on.

10) They will never be satisfied with you

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Narcissists don’t take the time to get to know people or learn about them.

They are very self-centered and only interested in their own needs and desires. To them, others are just there to serve their needs and they won’t take the time to listen or show gratitude.

They might say that they’re happy with all that you do for them, but deep down inside they are never truly satisfied by others.

5 reasons to be friends with your narcissist ex

1) They didn’t hurt you

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In case you and your narcissist ex broke up on amicable terms, then you might want to think about giving them a chance.

If they didn’t hurt you or betray your trust while you were in a relationship together, then they deserve a shot at friendship.

2) You can share common interests

If your narcissist ex is more “functional” than most, then this might be an even better reason to be friends with them.

You can have a great time with them, and that’s because you have shared interests such as sports, traveling, fashion and so on.

This way, you can always share your interests with them and you can see the other side of the coin.

3) They have really changed

The one thing that people have trouble accepting about narcissists is that they can change.

And this doesn’t mean that they will become better, but it’s still important to give them a chance and look into their change of heart instead of judging them right away.

4) You work together or have to collaborate

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If you work together or collaborate on a project, this might be an important reason to be friends with your narcissist ex.

You see, if you’re on bad terms with them, they might sabotage you at work. And this is because they are greedy and want to be the center of attention at all times.

This is why it’s important to learn how to work with them and also try to understand their perspective.

5) You’re on good terms with each other

The last reason why you might want to be friends with your narcissist ex is that you are on good terms with them.

Maybe you have shared some memories together and you can still be friends without holding any grudges or resentment toward each other.

If this is the case, then you might want to give them a chance and see how it goes.

Why do narcissists want to be friends after a breakup?

There are 5 main reasons why narcissists want to be friends with their exes:

1) They want to have a shoulder to cry on

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Narcissists are focused on the benefits they have when they’re in a relationship with someone.

They only want to be in a relationship if they’re going to be able to get something out of it. And when they decide that this is no longer the case, they’ll break up with you.

But what happens next? Well, they will try to be friends with you because they don’t want to feel lonely.

They will keep in touch with you and try to get your attention by saying things such as: “You’re the only one who really understands them” or “You’re special and they don’t want to lose that”.

2) They want to get back together with you

Narcissists tend to be very manipulative and they’re only interested in what they can get out of everything.

But what’s more important here is that they might want to get back together with you.

They might want to use you just like they used you before by telling you things such as: “I miss you” or “I still love you”.

These things will make a narcissist feel needed and special, but more importantly, it will make them feel wanted.

This will lead to a higher chance of them wanting to get back together with their exes and it could also be your case.

3) They want to use your connections

Narcissists always want to be the center of attention.

And this is because they don’t feel important or special unless they have other people around them.

But that’s not all – they also want to control others, and if you’re in their life, then it’s an even greater chance that you are going to give them this power over you.

The fact that you’re still around them proves that they can control you, right?

And so, they might want to use your connections to advance in their career or get help with things such as getting a promotion at work, starting a new business, getting new clients, and so on.

4) They want to be friends with benefits

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Narcissists always want to have a great deal of power and control.

And this is why they usually manipulate their way into people’s lives so that they can have a certain level of control.

But again, you have to understand that narcissists only want to get what they need from others.

If your narcissist ex is getting something from you, then it’s not because he or she really cares about you.

He or she might not really want to be friends, but also friends with benefits. They see this as an opportunity to manipulate you and get what they want.

5) Narcissists have a desire to punish their exes

Another reason a narcissist person would like to be friends with their exes is that they have a desire to punish them.

Why is that?

Well, this is because narcissists are very self-centered, and they believe that everyone is out to get them.

And so, if you’re one of the people who made them feel bad about themselves after a breakup, then they want to punish you.

So, what do they do? They get back in touch with you, but only to insult or attack you in a very subtle way.

Why is it so hard to let go of a narcissist?

Now you might be wondering why it’s so hard to let go of a narcissistic person, but it’s actually quite simple.

You might keep hoping you can change them for the better:

The truth is that narcissists don’t change. However, hope is something that is quite powerful, and this is why you might keep hoping that your ex is going to change for the better.

You’re actually fooling yourself, though, because you can’t possibly change someone who doesn’t want to be changed.

What’s more, you might still believe in their promises and excuses:

Another thing that might make it hard for you to give your narcissist ex up is that you believe in the promises and excuses they make.

After all, your relationship might have been toxic, but it’s not like the narcissist was abusive or anything like that.

And so, there are still a few good memories that you share, and this might be the reason why you keep holding onto them.

On top of that, you might be afraid of being alone:

The last reason why it’s so hard to end your relationship with a narcissist person might be because you’re afraid of being alone.

After all, when you have someone who is controlling and manipulative, it can be very hard to end the relationship.

But in the end, if you want to get over this person, then you have to let them go.

Final thoughts

In the end, being friends with your narcissist ex is possible, but only if you are ready to accept the downsides.

Being friends with a narcissistic person is not easy. It might even be more difficult than being in a romantic relationship with them.

However, there is something you can do when it comes to the upsides…

The best thing is to be aware of all this and play your cards wisely. This way, you won’t have to deal with the downsides of having a narcissistic ex in your life.

Picture of Daniela Duca Damian

Daniela Duca Damian

I’m Daniela, a passionate writer with an academic background in journalism. My work is based on research and facts. In recent years I have focused on the study of interpersonal relationships, analyzing, and writing about aspects related to social connections, romantic relationships, but also personal development. My goal is to decipher the most confusing concepts so that anyone who is interested in living a better and fulfilled life can apply them. When I’m not writing, I challenge my friends with meaningful questions about life.

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