Codependent relationships are toxic for both partners involved – it is incredibly tiring to rely on someone else completely, feeling terrified of ever being separated from them.
This is by far not what a healthy relationship should look like, but even when you know it, it can be hard to break this pattern while in a codependent relationship.
Now: one question seems to persist: can codependent relationships be saved, or do you need to separate in order to heal this dynamic?
You might be scared of the answer to this question, but you don’t need to be, let’s take a closer look:
Can codependent relationships be saved?
Yes, absolutely!
It might feel a bit scary right now because it is not easy, but it can be done.
I’m sure your slightly anxious heart is very relieved right now – and for good reason – relationship dynamics can absolutely be changed without having to end the relationship.
That being said – it won’t be easy. However, it can be done.
For starters, people can shift their perspective on what a “relationship” actually is supposed to look like – this is often where the root of the problem starts.
A lot of people have a misconception that the relationship needs to be about two people who “complete” each other.
This is not the case; a healthy relationship can be about two people who support each other and grow together.
A healthy relationship is about two beings who inspire one another to be the best versions of themselves.
If you are in a codependent relationship, it is highly possible to change this dynamic.
You will have to put in the effort of course, but it is not impossible.
Now: you might have to gather the courage to be able to walk away from the relationship initially, but this can be a great thing in the end, once you have worked on yourself enough to be able to go into a healthier relationship.
So now that this big weight is taken off your shoulders, let’s look at how you can actually save your relationship without ending it:
Figure out why you are in a codependent relationship
The first step to change in any situation is awareness – you need to know what you are dealing with.
Once you have become aware of the dynamics of codependency, you can start changing your dynamic within the relationship.
It is likely that you have been in a codependent relationship for a long time, so it might be difficult to pinpoint exactly when the dynamic started, or why you are in it now.
When you are in a codependent relationship, you might not even be aware that you are in it.
You might be so used to this dynamic and the feelings that come with it that nothing seems unusual.
Codependent relationships are based on feelings of dependency, which means that you feel as though you are unable to function without your partner.
You might need to be around your partner all the time, might experience extreme anxiety when you are not with them, and feel incredibly insecure when they are not with you.
You might have a sense of emptiness, a lack of inspiration, and have a feeling of being incomplete without your partner.
Does any of that sound familiar?
Well, the mere fact that you are sitting here, reading this, is already a step forward!
Figure out if your relationship has slowly turned codependent, or if it has been like that from the beginning.
Are you the codependent person in your relationship, is it your partner, or are you both? What behaviors are contributing to this dynamic?
In any case, we will need to take a deeper look within ourselves:
Look at what limiting beliefs you have about yourself
Now, when you have a better understanding of why you are in a codependent relationship, it is time to look at what beliefs you have about yourself that might be contributing to this dynamic.
It is not just your partner that is responsible for the problems in your relationship, it is also you – what you are telling yourself about who you are, your worth, and your ability to get what you want in life are all extremely important.
And if you are in a codependent relationship, you might have some major limiting beliefs about yourself that are keeping you stuck in your situation.
For example, if you believe that you don’t deserve to be loved, or that you are not worthy of love from others, it might block you from feeling loved in your relationship.
Or if you believe that you are not good enough, it might contribute to you being in a codependent relationship where you need to rely on your partner and their approval.
When you break down your limiting beliefs and understand why they are there and how they are blocking you from being in the type of relationship you desire, you can start to heal.
You can change how you think about yourself and how you see your worth – and this will change your relationship.
Now: this is easier said than done, I know. You will have to look back into your childhood to figure out where all of this originated.
In order to start healing, your relationship with yourself will be crucial, which brings me to my next point:
Build a strong relationship with yourself
Another important thing to do if you are in a codependent relationship is to build a strong relationship with yourself.
This doesn’t mean that you need to stop loving your partner, or cut them out of your life, it simply means that you need to learn to love yourself, respect yourself and take care of yourself just as much as you take care of your partner.
This doesn’t mean that you need to put yourself before your partner in every way possible, it means that you need to treat yourself as equally important as them, and learn to rely on yourself just as much.
When you are in a codependent relationship, it is easy to lean on your partner and put all the responsibility on them.
But when you build a strong relationship with yourself, this means that you don’t need to rely on your partner as much.
You have the strength and self-love within yourself to make it through difficult times.
This process can be difficult at first, but there is an amazing masterclass on Love and Intimacy that might just open your eyes to how exactly you can start building that relationship with yourself.
I know, it can be so difficult at first if you’ve never done it before, but you can work on your relationship with yourself in some very easy steps that are outlined in that free masterclass.
I don’t know if it will help you, I just know that it massively changed my life and the way I see myself.
Click here to watch the free video
This will also make it easier for you to break up with your partner if you need to.
It is hard to break up with someone you love, but it is even harder to break up with someone when you don’t even love yourself.
Now: I’m not saying that you have to break up with your partner, but building a relationship with yourself will make you less terrified of that being a possibility, which leads me to my next point:
Understand that you will be okay without your partner
When you are in a codependent relationship, you might be afraid that you won’t be able to survive without your partner.
You might even feel like you won’t be able to be happy without your partner, and constantly fear that something bad will happen if you two ever part ways.
This can be scary, but it is important to remember that you will be okay without your partner.
You might lose access to certain things, such as their support and love, but you won’t lose your ability to be happy and loved.
In fact, you might be happier once you break up with your partner because you won’t be so dependent on them anymore.
You might be able to focus more on yourself, your own needs, and your life goals.
This doesn’t mean that you have bad intentions towards your partner, it means that if you are not in a healthy relationship you feel ready to get out of it so that you can move towards something better.
When you are in a codependent relationship, you might constantly feel trapped, like you can’t do anything without your partner, and like you don’t have the ability to make your own decisions.
When this is the case, it is very important to end the relationship in order to let yourself break free and become your own person again.
Again, you don’t have to literally separate from your partner, but a part of healing codependency is realizing that you will be happy without your partner and you’ll fall in love again.
This might be out of your comfort zone, but that’s part of the process. That brings me to my next point:
Get out of your comfort zone and let yourself be triggered a bit
When you are in a codependent relationship, you might not feel ready to end it, even though it might be best for you.
This can be due to fear of change, or because you might be too dependent on your partner to even think about leaving them.
If this is the case, it is important that you get out of your comfort zone, and let yourself be triggered a bit.
When you are in a codependent relationship, you might not feel like you have the space to be upset or triggered, because you have to constantly be happy and take care of your partner.
This doesn’t mean that you have to break up with your partner and be without them, it simply means that you need to create some space for yourself and let yourself be alone once in a while.
You need to let yourself feel the sadness, anger, and fear that come from relying completely on your partner.
Sitting with this discomfort will help you to actually come to terms with spending time apart every once in a while and be okay with it, which is actually my last point:
Learn to appreciate time away from one another without yearning to be together
If you are in a codependent relationship, it can be difficult to appreciate time away from each other, because you constantly miss your partner and feel like you can’t function without them.
This is not healthy, and it means that you are too dependent on them.
When you are in a codependent relationship, it is important that you learn to appreciate time away from your partner, and not yearn to be together all the time.
This might seem difficult at first, but it will help your relationship in the long run.
If you are always together, you don’t get a chance to miss each other and appreciate your time apart.
Find things to do that you love, that doesn’t include your partner.
I know, at first, it might seem impossible, but I promise, it will get better as time goes on.
The more you do on your own, the less dependent you’ll feel on your partner.
This also means you will be able to meet your own needs whenever your partner happens to be unavailable!
Final thoughts
Healing a codependent relationship is everything but easy, but it is possible!
You will have to put in a lot of work, but with every bit of work you do, you will become healthier and happier.
It is truly a win-win situation!
I hope that this gave you the courage to face your codependency and start working on a better future together!
