Chemistry, affinity, getting along — no matter how you put it, relationships require a certain amount of compatibility.
But what if you feel that there’s no compatibility between you and your partner? Can you make your relationship work without compatibility?
The short answer is yes! And in this article, we’ll explore 10 ways to make a relationship work when there is no compatibility. So, follow these steps to effectively deal with incompatibility in your relationship.
1) Get to know your partner better
Let’s be honest about one thing.
How do you know that you and your partner are incompatible with each other? Do you even know them well enough to say that they are incompatible with each other?
Just think about it.
The thing is that, if you don’t know them well enough to say that they are incompatible with each other, then you definitely need to get to know them better.
Because you can never truly make a relationship work if you don’t know your partner well enough.
And the best way to do this is by getting to know them personally.
So, here’s what you should do:
Understand your partner and his/her best qualities.
- What are they like?
- What do they like?
- What do they dislike?
For example, if your partner is a very responsible person and you are not, it can be a problem. If your partner is sensitive and you are not, that’s also a problem. If your partner is very emotional and you are not — well, that’s also a problem.
If there is no compatibility between you two in terms of personality type or values, then there’s no point in trying to make the relationship work without compatibility.
You need to understand each other better so that you can bring out the best in each other. There will be no room for incompatibility if you know each other pretty well!
Remember that you can never truly make a relationship work if you don’t know your partner well enough.
Do not make assumptions about your partner based on their social circle or any reputation they may have built up for themselves, as it will only hinder your ability to understand what makes them tick and how they function in the world around them.
This way, compatibility will be achieved naturally as opposed to forcing compatibility through coercion or force when there isn’t much compatibility at all between partners.
2) Communicate openly about your incompatibility
Ever heard the widely common saying that communication is the key to relationships?
And what’s more, it’s also true that communication is a key to making an incompatible relationship work.
Sounds impressive, right?
The truth is that incompatibility is the reason why couples often find it hard to communicate with each other openly and honestly.
Instead of working on the problem together, they tend to avoid addressing it and hide it from each other. But that can only make things worse.
But you have to face it!
Unfortunately, in some relationships, there may be an incompatibility in their communication, and this may be the reason why the relationship does not work out.
There is no point in trying to make a relationship work if your partner does not want it to work.
The reason is that we all have needs and desires. But, we often don’t know each other’s needs and desires.
However, as you transition from a relationship without compatibility to a relationship with compatibility, you need to communicate more often.
You need to openly share about yourself, your needs, and your desires.
You need to communicate these things to your partner in a non-judgmental way. What works for one relationship may not work for the other.
So, what should you do instead?
Communicate openly and honestly about your incompatibility and work on it together as a team.
You will be surprised at how much easier a relationship becomes when you don’t have to hide things from each other. You’ll be able to really understand each other better — which will lead to better compatibility in the long run.
3) Get to the root of the issue
Have you ever tried to understand the real reason why you and your partner tend to be incompatible?
Well, the root of the issue is usually related to different values and beliefs.
But regardless of the differences, if you want to get over a problem in your relationship, you need to first determine what the root of the problem is.
Think about it…
How many times have you found yourself not able to understand what your partner means? Or, how many times have you found yourself unable to understand why your partner does things that seem out of the blue?
If you’re worried about whether a relationship can work without compatibility, chances are that you haven’t tried to understand what makes you different from your partner.
But since you’re dealing with incompatibility problems in your relationship, have you considered getting to the root of the issue?
You see, most of our shortcomings in love stem from our own complicated inner relationship with ourselves – how can you fix the external without seeing the internal first?
I learned this from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, in his incredible free video on Love and Intimacy.
So, if you want to improve the relationships you have with others and solve incompatibility issues, start with yourself.
You’ll find practical solutions and much more in Rudá’s powerful video, solutions that’ll stay with you for life.
4) Focus on the things you have in common
Another functional step to overcoming incompatibility issues in a relationship is to focus on the things you have in common.
Why is it so important?
Well, if you’re in a relationship without compatibility, the first thing you need to do is shift your focus from all the things that are different to all the things that are the same.
Believe it or not, there are always things everyone has in common with their partners, no matter how different you are.
Focus on these first and foremost. You might be in a relationship with someone who has a very different background than you do.
But, you might have something in common like having a dog, living in the same city, or loving music.
Or maybe you’re with someone who has very different political beliefs than you do.
But, you both care about the environment. Or you share a passion for social justice and volunteer work. There are always things you have in common, even if they seem insignificant.
Focus on these first and foremost.
Here are a few examples of questions you should find the answers to:
What do you have in common? How often do you share similar interests? What are your values and beliefs?
So, if you want to overcome incompatibility issues in a relationship, focus on the things that you have in common.
This will help create a foundation for deeper understanding between you and your partner.
Then, when there’s something that’s out of sync with what your partner is doing, it will be easier for him or her to understand why it’s not working. And this is when you’ll be able to make changes together.
If you do this consistently over time, then your incompatibility issues will gradually disappear because compatibility will become natural.
5) Celebrate your differences
Want to know the most important way to make a relationship work when there is no compatibility?
It’s to celebrate your differences.
But, how do you make a relationship work when there are huge differences?
Let’s say you’re with someone who is very different from you in terms of personality.
If you only focus on the differences, it’s easy to become resentful and angry. But, if you celebrate the differences, you can appreciate them. You can see them as enriching your life and making you a better person.
Celebrating your differences is important because it makes the relationship feel more interesting. It also helps you avoid focusing on the negative aspects of your differences.
I mean, if you can learn to celebrate your differences, then you’ll be able to see the good in your partner no matter what they do.
And that’s a key ingredient for making a relationship work when there is no compatibility.
Now you probably wonder what you can do to celebrate the differences between you and your partner.
One way is by celebrating the things that are most important to each other. For example, if one of you loves nature and the other does not, then it would be great for you both to focus on that and make it a priority in your life together.
Or if one of you loves sports or partying and the other prefers quiet evenings at home, then it would be great for you both to accommodate those preferences in different ways.
This means that you can still spend time together enjoying something that’s important to both of them.
After all, being different from each other was the thing that made you fall in love in the first place. And it’s what makes your relationship special. So, why not celebrate that?
6) Help each other grow together
Okay, you already understand that you and your partner have plenty of differences in values, beliefs, and characteristics. All these things make it harder for you to make the relationship work.
But you also know that being compatible with your partner is not enough. You also have to be compatible with each other in terms of growth and development. Otherwise, you’ll become stagnant and resentful.
Don’t you agree? Let me explain why then.
When you’re in a relationship without compatibility, you’re in it to make it work. This means you have to help each other grow together.
One way you can do this is by helping each other explore your interests. This helps each of you discover what you’re interested in and maybe even find new hobbies you both enjoy. You can also help each other explore your values.
This helps you both discover what you value, and it may help you strengthen your relationship.
For example, let’s say that one of you wants to start writing a novel while the other doesn’t care much about it.
The second one doesn’t want to encourage the first one to write because he thinks it would take up too much of his time. And he might even start thinking negatively about his partner for being so passionate about something he doesn’t care about at all.
And if this happens, then the relationship will eventually stop growing and stagnate because neither of you will be able to learn from your mistakes or improve yourself in any way.
So, it’s important for both people in a relationship to be willing to help each other grow together as much as possible!
And why is this so important?
Because growing together can only happen if you both have the same vision of the future.
So, unless you both want the same things for your relationship, you’ll end up in conflict about who is right and who is wrong about what should be done. And that will ruin your relationship.
That’s why you should try to grow together as much as possible so you won’t have these kinds of conflicts.
7) Get tailor made advice for your situation
‘While the steps in this article will help you make a relationship work without compatibility, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
That’s what I recently did.
When I was at my worst point in my relationship, I reached out to a relationship coach to see if they could give me any answers or insights.
I expected some vague advice about cheering up or being strong.
But surprisingly, I got very in-depth, specific, and practical advice about addressing the problems in my relationship. This included real solutions to improve many things that my partner and I had been struggling with for years.
Relationship Hero is where I found this special coach who helped turn things around for me. They are perfectly placed to help you with incompatibility issues in your relationship too.
Relationship Hero is a hugely popular relationship coaching site because they provide solutions, not just talk.
In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
8) Learn how to resolve conflict
How often do you and your partner argue with each other because of having different values and priorities?
Let’s face it: sometimes you and your partner will have serious disagreements about what you should do, how to do it, or how much time you should spend on a particular activity.
And if you’ve been in an incompatible relationship for long enough, these kinds of disagreements are bound to happen quite often.
So, another thing that makes your relationship difficult is conflict.
And it’s not just about arguing with each other and trying to get your way. That’s annoying and stressful for both of you, I know.
But it can also affect your relationship negatively if you don’t know how to resolve conflict in a healthy way.
You see, when a couple has conflicts, they’ll either try to avoid them or they’ll try to find ways to be okay with them. And neither of these things is healthy!
Both people in a relationship need to learn how to resolve conflict healthily because doing so will make you happier and healthier as individuals and as a couple!
But what’s the best way to deal with an incompatibility issue like this?
Well, the key is to learn how to resolve conflict in a healthy way.
Conflict can be a good thing. It shows that your relationship isn’t completely perfect and that there are things that need attention. And if you’re willing to work on these things together, then both of you will be able to grow as individuals and as a couple.
After all, conflict can only make relationships stronger when both people are willing and open to learning from each other!
And you know what?
This is especially a huge problem when it comes to relationships without compatibility, because it means you’ll never be able to agree on things, no matter how much you try to compromise.
And when this happens, you’ll end up having a lot of arguments with each other over little things that don’t really matter.
So how do you resolve this?
Well, the first thing is that both of you should be willing to learn how to resolve conflict in your relationship.
This means that both of you will have to spend some time learning the skills and techniques needed to resolve conflict in a healthy way.
You need to practice these skills in real-life situations so they become a habit for both of you and so they become second nature for resolving conflicts between the two of you.
That way, you’ll overcome your incompleteness issues and you’ll actually be able to resolve conflict healthily.
9) Decide what you want from the relationship and why you’re there
Let me ask you a few important questions to help you reflect on your relationship.
- What do you want from the relationship?
- What do you expect from your partner?
- Why are you there in the first place?
You might have some good answers to these questions, but if you don’t, that’s okay. The important thing is that you’re able to articulate your expectations and your goals for the relationship.
This will help you to know whether or not your expectations and goals are aligned with your partner’s.
So, try to decide on these things before you start working toward compatibility.
Because that way, you’ll understand how to hold each other accountable.
It will also help you avoid unnecessary conflicts.
So, ask yourself these questions and make sure to find the answers to them.
10) Trust, respect, and be compassionate
And the final step to making your incompatible relationship healthy is to trust, respect, and be compassionate towards each other.
When you start working for compatibility, it means that you have to work on your trust, respect, and compassion for your partner.
And one of the most important ingredients to making a relationship work is trust.
When you have trust in a relationship, you feel safe and secure. If you don’t have trust, it will be very difficult to make a relationship work.
Trust is about feeling secure in the relationship.
It’s when you feel like you can be yourself and not feel judged. It’s when you feel like you don’t have to put on a show for your partner. And when you don’t have trust, your relationship can feel very unsafe, and you may avoid being yourself.
You can’t feel secure if you don’t know what your partner thinks and feels.
You also need to have respect for each other. Most importantly, you need to respect your partner’s boundaries.
Lastly, you need to have compassion for each other. You need to care about your partner’s feelings, successes, and setbacks. You need to be able to put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
When you’re able to understand and respect each other’s feelings, then you’ll be able to develop a deep connection with your partner that will allow you to know his or her thoughts and feel his or her feelings.
And when this happens, then you’ll be able to feel compassion for each other (as well as for yourself). You’ll be able to understand why someone does what he or she does in a certain situation without blaming them for it.
And this will allow both of you to have a deeper understanding of each other’s personalities even when you’re incompatible with one another.
As you can see, even the most incompatible couples can survive if they try hard to make a relationship work.
The key is to recognize the problem early enough and take measures to correct it.
After all, compatibility is not something permanent but rather a dynamic process that can be rekindled as long as both partners are willing to give their all.
Hopefully, with these tips, you can effectively deal with incompatibility in your relationship!