Sometimes people move in together before they’re ready for such a huge step.
They get carried away because they’re in love and happy. Can you blame them?.
Other times, people in a relationship decide to move in together for financial reasons – I mean, why pay double the rent when you’re always sleeping over at each other’s place – right?
The only problem is that they don’t stop to think about what it actually means to live with someone
Living together isn’t always easy. It requires a lot of compromises and even some sacrifice.
Some people have their daily routines and rituals and are so used to living alone that having someone else in their space is a recipe for disaster.
If you’ve been living with your partner but feel that maybe moving in was a mistake, you’re probably wondering if there’s any way to go back a step and live separately, but not break up.
I’m not going to lie to you, it’s a bit of an unusual situation and there are no guarantees that your relationship can survive.
That being said, there are some things you can do to increase the chances of things working out:
1) Talk about the strain of living together
First things first: communicate.
If living together has been harder than you imagined and it’s putting a strain on your relationship, you need to talk about it with your partner.
Discuss your feelings and get to a point where you can see things from each other’s perspective.
Whenever there’s a problem, it’s important to talk about it and try to find a solution.
Remember to respect their opinion and try to be open to compromise. It’s okay if you don’t agree on everything, but keep in mind that compromise works both ways.
Have a discussion about things you could do to make living together easier on your relationship. For instance, if you need more time for yourself, pick one day a week when you both do something that doesn’t involve the other.
Remember that you’re a team and no matter how hard things are, you can overcome them together, just so long as you remember to communicate.
2) Make sure that the decision is mutual
If you’ve tried everything to make living together work out but you still think you’d be better off living separately, you need to talk to your partner about your concerns and your wishes.
Don’t just make the decision by yourself because it will only end up making them feel like you’re abandoning them.
The best thing is if you can somehow make the decision to live apart mutually.
Whether you’re the one that wants to move out or they are, talk about why you want to do it and what your hopes are for the future.
Make sure that your intentions are shared by them before going ahead with it.
Trust me, It might put both of you in a tough situation if one of you is left feeling abandoned – or even worse, if they have nowhere to go.
3) Ask yourself if living apart will really resolve your issues
If you’ve tried living with your partner but it’s not working out, you need to ask yourself if moving out will really resolve your problems.
Are the problems in your relationship really the result of living together, or is there something else?
Don’t be too quick to blame every negative thing that happens in your relationship on the fact that you’re living together.
Maybe your relationship doesn’t need you to live apart. Maybe it’s just an excuse.
It might sound a bit harsh, but maybe the two of you have some other problems that you’re unable to resolve. In that case, whether you live apart or together doesn’t really make a difference.
I’m scared that if you go forward with your plan to live apart, you’ll keep on having problems and you won’t really get a chance to resolve them.
The truth is that relationships are hard work and whoever told you otherwise was a liar.
Love often starts out easy but the longer you’re together and the better you get to know each other, the more difficult it gets.
But why is that?
Well, according to the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, the answer can be found in the relationship you have with yourself.
You see, we grow up with the wrong idea about what love is.
Watching all those Disney cartoons where the prince and princess live happily ever after has left us with unrealistic expectations. And when things don’t work out like they do in the cartoons, we end up breaking up, moving out, or being unhappy.
That’s why I really recommend that you watch Rudá’s free video on Love and Intimacy. I believe that it will give you insight into your relationship and help you see things more clearly.
4) Discuss your plans for the future
If you still think that living apart is the solution to your problems, it’s important to be on the same page about the future of your relationship.
What exactly does that mean?
It means asking yourselves the following questions:
- Is living apart a temporary solution?
- Do you think that one day you will both be ready to live together?
- How do you see your relationship? As something casual or serious?
- Do you plan to have a family one day?
- How do you see your future together?
Now it might seem like a lot of questions, but I think it’s very important that you know what the other person thinks and feels.
That way you can be sure that you are both on the same page and that there are no surprises.
If you’ve established that you both want the same thing, you can then work towards achieving your goals together as a team.
5) Remain committed to each other
One thing that can make all the difference when it comes to the survival of your relationship is your commitment to one another.
If you’re in love and in a committed relationship, the fact that you stop living together shouldn’t change anything.
Living apart shouldn’t be seen as an opportunity to see other people. If that’s what you want, you need to talk about being in an open relationship.
Being in a relationship while living apart means doing everything you did when you lived together – attending events together, cooking dinner together, bingeing on Netflix, and having romantic nights out. The only difference is living apart.
If you’re committed to each other, you shouldn’t have a problem with it.
All in all, you need to make sure you always have time for each other and remain faithful, otherwise your new arrangement won’t work out.
6) Accept that things may not be the same
Even if this is something that you both want, you need to be prepared for the idea that things may not be the same after you stop living together.
It doesn’t matter how much you love each other, or what your relationship was like before – it’s now different. You’re two separate people in two separate places.
The way you communicate and interact is bound to change. The way you think about each other may also change.
You’re more likely to live your lives as two separate individuals than as a team.
You’ll probably end up doing more things apart than you used to while living together. You may not always know what the other is up to. You may spend more time with other people.
This is all normal and to be expected, so you need to prepare yourself in advance for the fact that things will be different.
7) How about a trial period?
If you can’t live together, but you dread being apart, why not have a trial period?
You can try living apart for one month and see how that goes. At the end of the month, you will get to decide whether you want to make it permanent or not.
Moving in together was a big step. Living separately again would be another big step. That’s why I think a trial period is a great idea because it can help you see if living apart is really what you want.
8) Be prepared for criticism from your family and friends
Let’s face it, most people who love each other and are in a committed relationship end up moving in together at some point.
It’s almost unheard of that someone will move in with their partner. only to move out after a while, while staying together.
When people find out about your decision, it might be hard for them to understand.
They’ll most likely give you some advice on how to fix things and you might even hear negative comments from your parents like, “What’s the matter with you?” and “That’s not how we raised you!”
It can be really hard when your family and friends criticize you like this, you may even end up questioning your decision. But don’t let them mess with your head. Ultimately, it’s your decision how you decide to live your life.
The bottom line
It’s up to you and your partner to decide what works best for you.
While living together may be best for some people, it may not work for everyone.
If you’ve addressed any other issues your relationship may be facing and you’re sure that the only real problem is your living situation, then by all means live apart.
And if you both want the same thing and know what you’re in for, chances are your relationship will survive and may even thrive!