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20 no bullsh*t tips for breaking up with the love of your life

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Breakups are never easy. The truth is there’s a lot of heartache involved and a lot of pain to be felt.

Even when you’ve met the love of your life there might be reasons to let that relationship go.

The simple truth is that you need to be true to your heart.

If you want to make things easier on yourself, here are 20 tips for breaking up with the love of your life. Let’s get started.

1) Be honest

Psychology today offers ways to break up compassionately. The main ingredient is being honest.

Breaking up can be hard to cope with, but honesty is the best policy, and this is especially true when it comes to breaking up with someone.

If you’re going to break up with someone, you should be open and honest about how you feel. They will come to understand your true intentions soon enough anyways.

Don’t just say that things aren’t working out when you’re hoping they will work out in the long term.

In addition to that, don’t try to avoid the truth or brush things under the rug. Be open, honest and certain of what you say. There’s nothing to fear. Not all relationships last, even when it’s a deep love.

The truth is, both of you need to know what’s going on so that you can move on accordingly.

2) Be kind

When it comes to breaking up with someone, you should be kind about it, it’s the only way to survive.

You don’t want to be cruel or hurtful because you never know how they might react. The rejection from the break up will already be a big enough blow to your partner’s heart and ego. So remember to tread their emotions gently.

You’ve probably been thinking about breaking up for some time, and your partner is only hearing about this now for the first time.

They might not be ready for the news. So be kind.

You should always remember that people are different and have their personal views on things, so it is best not to make assumptions about what your lover will think of something.

Remember that they might not see this coming or be mentally ready for the breakup.

If you’re being honest and open, then there’s no reason to be mean or rude about the situation.

Be kind and compassionate so that they understand that this isn’t their fault and that you still care about them as a person even if you’re not together anymore.

3) Be clear-headed and present

According to Psychology Today, there are ways to make a breakup less painful. Mostly, it calls you to be present and in the moment when breaking up with someone.

It’s not easy, but it can help ease your mind of any guilt or regret that may come about from leaving this person behind. Take time to speak from your heart and listen to what they have to say.

Don’t let yourself get caught up in thoughts on what might have been had things gone differently – focus on how much better off you are now without them. And remember, the simple truth is: You’re only human!

Don’t try to avoid the conversation or pretend like it’s not happening.

You need to be honest, kind, and clear-headed so that you can have a mature conversation about how you feel, what you need, and why things didn’t work out.

4) Take your time

When breaking up with someone, don’t rush things.

Take your time and let things happen naturally rather than trying to force the breakup.

If you want to end a relationship with someone, then just be yourself and don’t try too hard or put in any effort into making it work out. Let it start to unravel.

It will eventually fall apart on its own. So there’s no point in forcing anything when you can start to pull back and let your intention be known.

If you’re trying too hard to break up with them, they might sense this and open up a conversation with you. Then you have the perfect chance to meet eye to eye and let your feelings be known.

5) Be respectful of their feelings

When breaking up with someone, you should be respectful of their feelings. When it comes to the topic of breakups, many things can make a person feel sad and upset.

It is important to show respect for your ex’s emotions by not doing any big gestures or saying anything hurtful during this period to help them get through the difficult process more easily. There’s no reason to go into all the things that they do that make you want to end things.

Keep things civil and polite and try not to say anything that you will later regret.

Also, don’t try to brush them off or ignore the situation because it’s easier for you.

Most importantly, you need to be available for them and make sure that they understand what’s going on respectfully rather than just disappearing out of their life. This breakup will probably be a big surprise to them, so be kind and gentle.

6) Breakup in person

Breaking up with someone in person is always best. Also, try to choose a place where you can both speak freely and openly.

You don’t want to break up with them over text messages or the phone because it can be easy for them to misconstrue what you’re saying or take things the wrong way.

If you want to break up with someone, have an honest conversation about it face-to-face so that they know exactly what’s going on and you can work out how to move forward accordingly.

In addition, make sure your partner knows the reason for this decision by not giving them a false sense of hope or trying to stay together despite wanting different things from one another.

7) Thank them for what they shared

When breaking up with someone, don’t forget to thank them for what they shared with you. Remember that this person shared some of their most intimate thoughts and experiences with you. It’s not easy to close the door on that type of expression.

Even if the relationship wasn’t a long-term one, it still took time, effort, and feelings on both ends to get things started.

So make sure that you’re not just breaking up with them because you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore but rather because the relationship just isn’t working out or the other person isn’t what you’re looking for in a partner.

This will help them understand that you are grateful for the time that you spent together but now it’s time to move on. Take time to thank them for all the time and moments they shared with you. You were both a big part of each other’s lives and that should be recognized and lovingly received.

8) Let them know that it’s not them, it’s you

When breaking up with someone, always remember to let them know that it’s not about their personality or anything that they did wrong.

Keep it about yourself. You don’t have to go into a great amount of detail, but let them know that it just isn’t working for you.

If you’re the one initiating the break-up then do your best to be gentle and understanding.

Needless to say, it can also help if you try and keep things light-hearted so as not to make it too emotional for either of them (and yourself).

However, some people may need more time than others before they get over a relationship breakup—so don’t give up on trying. You know clearly when it’s time for you to break up.

This will help them understand that you don’t have any ill feelings for them and you’re just not looking for a relationship at this time.

9) Don’t make any promises you can’t keep

Breakups are never easy, remember don’t make any promises that you can’t keep.

If you’re breaking up with someone, then it means that things aren’t working out and you don’t want to stay together anymore.

So don’t tell them that they’ll always be your friend or that you’ll always be there if they need anything because the reality is that once the relationship ends, it’s over—so don’t lead them on by making these kinds of statements.

If you just can’t seem to help yourself and are feeling guilty about breaking up with someone, then at least try not to say anything too rash or emotional about it since this will only complicate things further for both of you.

10) Don’t break up in a public place

If you’re breaking up with someone, then it’s best to do it in a private place, away from prying ears and eyes.

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You don’t know how they will react and there may be a great amount of tears involved, or anger. It’s important to let the person be in a place where they can react sincerely.

This will help the person know that you’re serious about the breakup and aren’t just saying it for the sake of doing so.

If you don’t have time to sit down with them and have a conversation about your feelings, then at least let them know why you’re breaking things off through text or email—so they can read it when they have some time alone.

Don’t be afraid of the tough conversations; breakups are hard for everyone involved.

For what it’s worth, if someone cares about you as much as that person seems to care about themselves, then they will understand what is happening without any questions asked.

11) Don’t make excuses for why you want to break up with them

Don’t make excuses for why you want to break up with someone unless it’s necessary.

If you’re breaking up with them, then most likely you already know the reasons why and there’s no need to explain yourself. You don’t have to list off all the reasons why you want to end things.

Keep it simple and honest.

In addition to this, don’t try and make it seem like the breakup is mutual when it isn’t.

If you want to break up with someone, then just break up with them and don’t try to make yourself feel better by making it seem like they wanted the breakup too—the truth will come out eventually and this will only make things worse for both of you.

12) Don’t be afraid of the tough conversations

Don’t be afraid of the tough conversations; breakups are hard for everyone involved.

However, it’s important to remember that sometimes people just need a little extra time and space away from each other to come back together with a fresh perspective on things. You can walk away as enemies and come back to meet each other as friends.

Allow yourself some breathing room and give your partner some too.

And if someone cares about you as much as that person seems to care about themselves, then they will understand what is happening and step away to reflect and understand what you’ve just told them.

It takes some time and space to breathe.

13) Don’t get into a big argument about the breakup

Don’t get into a big argument about the breakup, especially if you’re still upset about it and are having a hard time letting go.

Letting your emotions get the best of you during an argument will only lead to hurt feelings and regrets later on.

If you’re feeling angry, don’t lash out at someone else; rather, take a step back for a moment and try to figure out what’s going on in their head.

It may be that they are just as frustrated with the situation as you are or maybe they have different opinions than yours but it’s worth considering before reacting negatively towards them.

Arguments can be very emotional and can cause people to say things they don’t mean, so try to keep your cool during this time and give yourself some time to calm down afterward—especially if the two of you are still living together or seeing each other regularly.

14) Make a clean break

It’s important to set clear boundaries. Make a clean break from your ex.

You want them to move on with their life and not feel like you are just lurking in the background, waiting for them to call on you so you can swoop in and save the day.

It is really important to make a clean break from your ex because if you don’t, then there is a chance that they will never be able to move on and they will stay in your life, not truly believing what you have just told them.

You don’t want to give them a false sense of hope. Or a belief that you aren’t sincere and serious.

This can lead them back into the same relationship with someone else or might cause them to stay in their position and not find happiness in life.

15) Don’t call or text them unless they call or text first

Don’t call or text them unless they call or text first, otherwise it’s going to seem like you are just looking for an excuse to talk to them again because you miss them so much.

Give them space.

If the other person makes a move and calls/texts then don’t be afraid of talking back.

However, if they do reach out first then it’s okay to respond and say that you are doing well or that you are happy they reached out.

This way, it isn’t too pushy if they don’t reply but it also lets them know that you genuinely care about their well-being.

16) Don’t call/text whenever something good happens in your life

Don’t call/text whenever something good happens in your life, because this puts too much emphasis on yourself and what is going on in your life, making the other person feel like they aren’t important to you anymore.

It’s okay to share with them when something good happens but try to keep it at a minimum because otherwise it will make the other person feel like they need to share with you in order to be close.

It’s okay to talk about your own life, but don’t make them feel like they have to do the same in order to get any attention from you.

17) Don’t call/text when you are drunk or high

Don’t contact your ex when you are drunk or high, because this can lead to some very awkward conversations and can make the other person start doubting your intentions and if they want to continue talking with you in this state.

The best thing is just not to contact them at all if you are drunk or high or out of a clear mindset because it is just going to lead to a bad conversation and you might regret it in the morning.

18) Don’t reach out when you are feeling lonely

Don’t reach out to your ex when you are feeling lonely, because this is just going to make it seem like you only care about them when they can make you feel better.

Also, be careful not to make this a habit because then they may start thinking that they have to do the same thing for you and that will put an unfair amount of pressure on them.

The best thing is just not to contact them at all if you are lonely because it is just going to lead to a bad conversation and you might regret it in the morning.

19) Let them move on

When you talk to your ex, always be honest and let them know that you are happy for them and that you wish the best for them.

Don’t try to bring up the past or force them to talk about things they don’t want to.

This will only make it harder on both of you because they will feel like they have to lie and pretend everything is okay in order to keep talking with you.

Also, if they are seeing someone new then it’s okay to ask how things are going but don’t ask too many questions because that might lead to some awkward conversations.

The best thing is just not to contact them at all if they are seeing someone new because it is just going to lead to a bad conversation and you might regret it in the morning.

20) Don’t expect them to be your friend again

If you want to be friends with your ex then that is completely okay but don’t expect them to want the same thing because that will just make you look desperate and needy.

It’s okay to ask how they are doing or talk about things that they might like, but don’t try too hard because otherwise it will just make them feel uncomfortable.

The best thing is just not to contact them at all if you want to be friends with them because it is just going to lead to a bad conversation and you might regret it in the morning.

To sum up

Don’t be afraid to let your partner go, even if you love this person deeply.

If you know deep down that the two of you aren’t meant to be together, you have to let them go.

You have to be strong and true to your heart.

Never burn any bridges because you never know when the two of you might need each other in the future or when it may be possible for the two of you to get back together again.

Know that you have done everything in your power to make the relationship work and know that they will be okay without you.

It won’t be easy, but I wish you courage, compassion, and strength.

How this one revelation changed my love life

It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…

I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.

I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.

I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.

What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.

If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.

Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.

I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.

Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.

As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.

We do this by promoting his masterclasses.

One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.

Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.

==> Check it out here.

Best wishes,
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder

Written by Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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