Have you ever been in a conversation with someone, and while you’re pouring your heart out you felt like the person wasn’t really paying attention?
We’ve all been there.
Sometimes it’s really obvious they’re distracted. Other times, they’re only showing some signs that they are listening, but you still get the feeling they’re thinking about what’s next on their to-do list.
Usually, you can trust your intuition about this. But if you struggle to sense the energy between yourself and another person, here are some clear body language signs that can help you determine if someone is giving you their undivided attention.
1) Direct eye contact
The first and most reliable sign that someone is paying attention to what you’re saying is in their eye contact. If they are maintaining comfortable and direct eye contact, their focus is visibly on you.
They aren’t scanning the room, looking at other people, or glancing at their phone every few seconds.
Check if their eye contact is natural and comfortable. Eye contact that is too intense and unbroken may sometimes also indicate they’re too fixated on looking interested and may be thinking about other things.
That said, although eye contact is one prime indicator of undivided attention, people can still be thinking of other things even while maintaining eye contact!
For the best judgment, check it together with the other signs we’ve listed below.
2) Mirroring
If the other person is mimicking your body language, this is known as ‘mirroring’, or scientifically known as, ‘limbic resonance’.
Actions such as leaning in, nodding, taking a drink at the same time, or touching the face, can indicate that someone is not only paying attention to you, but they are also very interested in what you’re saying.
So if you notice them imitating your body language, it’s highly likely that what you’re saying is hitting the right mental and emotional spots for that person.
If you find yourself doing this too – the feeling is clearly mutual!
3) Less fidgeting = more attentive
Movement in the hands or shifting the body can say a lot about a person’s attention.
If you notice their hands fidgeting or fiddling with an item, with their hair, or clothing, they may be nervous, anxious, thinking about something else.
All of these things can indicate they’re not really paying attention to what you are sharing – but not necessarily due to a lack of interest.
Maybe they even have social anxiety and they just need to feel more relaxed in the conversation or are feeling intimidated.
So check in with what they’re saying to you, and other body language cues as well, to gauge if they’re really not paying attention. It might just be their nerves and a case of helping them feel more at ease.
4) Open arm and hand positions
Your conversation buddy’s arms and hands can say a lot about how they’re feeling.
Studies show that if people’s arms are in a relaxed, open position, with hands in their lap or beside them, they are more likely to be receptive to the conversation and what you are saying.
If they have their arms crossed in front of them, they may be in a defensive or protective state. Or, maybe it’s just cold in the room!
Crossed arms can also mean a need for comfort, and can be a sign of self-soothing.
Meanwhile, hands on the chin can mean they’re thinking of what to respond with, or deeply contemplating what you are saying, which are positive signs that they’re paying attention. But in some cases, it can also indicate insecurity.
As always, remember to check the context and other signs before making conclusions.
5) Facial expressions
It may seem obvious, but the face is the most expressive body part we have.
If the person you’re speaking to is responding to the things you’re saying with the appropriate facial expressions, even if they’re small, it means they’re processing your words on a deeper level and forming their own responses to them.
Specific movements such as raised eyebrows and dilated pupils in the eyes are one big sign of interest in what they’re hearing.
6) Nodding in agreement
When it comes to head movements and nodding, the movement of the head and the meaning can differ between cultural contexts.
However, in most cultures, nodding in agreement when someone understands what’s being said can be a universal way of demonstrating interest and being ready to absorb more information.
If someone stares at you while talking, but their head is not moving at all, it can be sometimes be quite disconcerting if they’re not expressing verbal agreement either.
So to know if they’re giving you undivided attention, check for one or the other.
7) Body positioning
When someone’s body is facing you and not in another direction, they are putting you right in front of them and therefore making you their only point of focus in that moment.
If they’re leaning in to listen closer to what you have to say, this is another clear sign of undivided attention and interest.
In contrast, if they keep turning away to look at other things happening in the room, to speak to other people, or turning to do other things – it’s most probably that they aren’t giving you their undivided attention.
A body position that is too rigid may indicate unease, while a laid back and relaxed posture can also indicate openness to listening and that they feel very comfortable around you.
Conclusion
So there you have it, the top body language signs you have someone’s undivided attention! Always remember to consider the cultural context, and keep in mind that all of these together are not necessary to indicate attention.
They can also be very shown very subtly and still be powerful, noticeable, and go a long way to making someone feel heard.
You can try to notice where you show these signs and where you’re lacking, and apply them yourself in your next conversation to really elevate your conversational and social skills.
Some will feel natural, while some will feel forced – so listen to what feels good for you.
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