6 behaviors to eliminate if you really want to change your life

Are you ready to change your life?

I’m so excited for you — and you’ve come to the right place for some great tips!

I remember being in your shoes a few years ago. I wanted so badly to make some changes in my life – in my relationship, work life, and personal life.

And I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t making progress.

Eventually, I figured out that it came down to 6 behaviors that were really holding me back.

Once I eliminated them, everything started falling into place just like I wanted it to. I can honestly say I’ve never been happier ever since then. 

Now I want to share my wisdom with you so you can start living your dream life too. 

1) Dwelling on the past

What’s the first thing that can hold you back from changing your life? The past, of course.

It’s like trying to move forward, but being attached to a wall behind you with a steel chain. How far would you expect to get?

Although our memories, regrets, and traumas are not physical, they are just as strong as the example above if you keep dwelling on them.

I uncovered a couple instances where I was doing this myself: 

  • I had a painful experience with someone who used to be a close friend. Because I hadn’t moved on from it, it kept me from creating close bonds with new people even though I really wanted to.
  • Also, I had a lot of distrust from a previous relationship that made me unable to give 100% into my next one. 

As you can see, both the things I was dwelling on have to do with relationships. For you, it could be something else — related to work, travel, self-worth, independence, or anything else. 

You’ll know you’re dwelling on the past if you frequently experience negative emotions and something from your past keeps resurfacing. 

The best way to process such pain is with a therapist. 

But if that’s not an option, work through it by journaling about it with the intention of understanding the situation, learning any lessons you can, and taking them with you into a new future. 

2) Holding onto grudges

If you dwell on the past, chances are you’re holding onto some anger or resentment.

This could be directed at someone else, or at yourself — in my case, it was both.

I realized that it can actually be much harder to let go of anger towards yourself. I made some mistakes in the past that I’m really not proud of… and I didn’t know how to move past them.

But experience has taught me that you really have to stop holding onto grudges if you want to change your life.

Resentment is like a poison that slowly eats away at you, no matter who it’s directed towards. That’s energy that you could be focusing on reaching your goals and becoming a better person instead. 

And it also keeps you stuck in a negative mindset, looking for people to blame when things go wrong. With this kind of thinking, you’re essentially stripping yourself of all power to make changes to your life. 

So I put in the work to learn to forgive everyone from my past. Life is all about learning, and we cannot expect anyone to get it perfect. 

3) Procrastinating

You’ve stopped ruminating on the past, and you’ve let go of any anger backed up inside you.

Great! But you still won’t make any progress unless you actually take action. 

Most of us have the best of intentions when it comes to changing our lives, but there’s a little sneaky monster that lives under those intentions that sabotages it all… it’s called procrastination.

I found myself doing this when the goals I had seemed too big, and I felt overwhelmed by them.

You might be feeling this too — it’s normal if you want to radically transform your life. The solution is to break your goals down into the smallest steps you can.

For example, if I’m out of shape and want to get fit, losing 20kg, eating healthy, and exercising regularly can sound like a huge endeavor.

But when I break it down, it becomes ridiculously simple: 

  • Go to Amazon and order a scale for daily weigh-ins
  • Research healthy meal delivery services in my area
  • Choose the best one and open subscription
  • Take gym clothes out of closet and prepare them in a bag
  • Put gym bag in car
  • After work next day, drive straight to the gym
  • Take gym bag out of car and walk into gym
  • Do 15 minutes of cardio

This is just an example — and you don’t need to figure out all the steps right away. At each point in your journey, you’ll know what the next few steps should be.

4) Talking negatively

psychology of procrastination 6 behaviors to eliminate if you really want to change your life

This behavior is something of a paradox. Because everyone agrees that they like to be around positive people, and that it’s important to be positive.

But almost nobody makes a habit of doing it!

Think about this: let’s say you have a plant and you want it to grow. But instead of giving it water and sunlight, you constantly complain and criticize it. 

You can be pretty darn sure that plant will not last very long!

Not to be overly dramatic, but that’s essentially what you’re doing to your potential.

What’s more, a study has shown that talking positively to plants actually helps them grow faster. So positive words and thoughts have a real, concrete impact on the world around us. 

Talking negatively includes criticizing others or complaining (especially when it’s not constructive) and also gossiping.

I’ve eliminated these habits from my life, and I’ve noticed that people like being around me much more since then — so my relationships and confidence have drastically improved. 

5) Comparing yourself to others

This behavior was SO hard for me to eliminate, because social media constantly shows us the highlights from other people’s lives.

But if you really want to change your life, you have to stop comparing yourself to others.

First of all, doing this usually leads to a lot of stress and anxiety. I remember scrolling through Instagram and feeling like my relationship was a piece of crap compared to all the smiling lovey-dovey couples I saw.

But later, I participated in a relationship course that one of those influencers was offering — and I realized, they go through the exact same relationship challenges as I do!

What you see from other people’s lives is just the tiniest tip of the iceberg. You only see what they want you to see — and hidden under the surface is a reality that probably looks a lot like your own. 

We each have our own path to walk through life, with unique wins and challenges along the way.

You cannot possibly compare them, because that would be like comparing a walk through a forest to a trek through the desert. 

So focus your energy on what you can influence instead — your own life — and only compare yourself to your own past self

6) Being afraid of failure

I’m going to break some hard news to you: along your journey, you’re going to fail.

Multiple times. I’ve failed more times than I can count.

But you know what? It’s okay! Because this is a part of life that’s totally inevitable. The only way to not fail is to not live, and never try anything new

Even then, some kind of setback is bound to come eventually. So wouldn’t you rather fail while working towards something you love?

Because here’s a secret: every successful person out there who you admire is only successful because they have failed more times than you have tried.

And then they get back up, learn from the experience, and use that to try again in a better way.

Eventually, they get it right, and find themselves exactly where they wanted to go.

Are you ready to follow in their footsteps?

Get ready for massive change in your life

Now, you know 6 powerful ways to make change happen in your life.

When people want to transform themselves, most of them think about what they should add to their routine, or start doing.

But the problem with that is that they still keep several bad behaviors that sabotage all their hard efforts.

And with all those bad habits, they may not even have space in their life to add new, better behaviors.

So out with the old and in with the new — eliminate these 6 behaviors I described above, and get ready to change your life!

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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