Judgments happen when a person is afraid of something unfamiliar.
It’s an act of comparison in an attempt to understand.
By that logic, people will judge you for pretty much anything. So what makes them secretly do it?
It could be anything, but most likely it’s what the current trends are in today’s society. Especially in the age of information, we are learning and unlearning new things every day.
Which can cause our egos and sense of judgment to feel caught in between.
Here are 10 behaviors that people secretly judge you for.
1) You like to rest.
When someone mentions what’s trendy today that wasn’t maybe 20 years ago, self-care comes to mind.
Especially in the workplace!
Have you ever heard someone say “you should be the first one in the office, and the last one to leave!”
It was often expected for people to overexert themselves in order to impress their boss or whoever might see their lack of boundaries as diligence.
While it’s encouraged to say “no,” that sentiment is not universal. Or some people might not see the value in it just yet.
Which can make some people perceive resting as being lazy or that you don’t care about your job.
And that could be because they have yet to value themselves enough to rest, or they’re afraid of being perceived as careless. It’s all projection!
There’s a gray area as well where there’s tension because some people understand, but still want to go the extra mile if it means they’ll be paid more.
Oh, the joys of capitalism, am I right?
2) You celebrate yourself!
Continuing the theme of doing things people are afraid to be judged for so they judge you for doing…
Being “humble” is an idea that has patriarchal undertones where a lot of women don’t allow themselves to be happy with themselves.
But it’s also done in fear of someone knocking you down. No one can knock you down if you don’t go somewhere with a view, right?
Not everyone will show this fear externally, but some may feel it internally. Which they might project onto people who are their own biggest fans.
With the rise of self-help or even “main character energy,” it’s become a little more normalized for people to think themselves important.
Now we have a cultural phenomenon where if someone tries to knock you down, we can just call them a hater!
3) You say how you feel.
Not just say, and it doesn’t have to stop at feelings.
If you’re someone who is honest and authentic, that might raise some internal eyebrows.
It’s scary to be yourself! Let alone emote and be a little animated instead of “cool, calm, collected.”
A lot of people don’t act like themselves because they’d rather be rejected for someone they’re not. And they’d rather not rock the boat by not being like others.
Again, we are nearing a culture that is celebrating authenticity.
So sometimes, people will encourage you and celebrate you, but when they meet someone that is able to do something they can’t, they will pass a little judgement.
And when it comes to rocking the boat, people will be intimidated because for them, that’s their peace being disrupted.
For example, this can happen at workplaces where people aren’t feeling appreciated or burnt out. So it’s hard to have a threshold for reality.
4) Being overly friendly.
I understand feeling intimidated if someone you don’t know very well is crossing your boundaries. Even then, I guess it still counts as feeling secretly judged.
But combined with the state of the world and its recent events, it’s hard to trust someone you just met.
And if you’re too friendly to certain people, it might come off disingenuous, or too trusting.
Either way, people might not be quick to say they’re uncomfortable, but they might think about it longer than they need to.
Whether or not the judgment is warranted, it’s important to take into account people’s comfort levels and act accordingly.
You don’t need to regulate someone’s thoughts for them, but maybe try to keep a professional or cordial demeanor until you get close to them.
5) Being a bad listener.
This is where we shift gears and talk about some behaviors that might be off-putting for valid reasons.
Always talking about yourself or cutting others off can create social tension.
Because it’s hard to confront someone about this, especially if you’re not comfortable with them.
Being a good listener and caring about other people’s lives as much as your own is considered human decency. And no one wants to teach a grown adult manners.
This behavior also gives off a vibe that you are not a very reciprocal person, which can turn them off from furthering a relationship with you.
So while the judgment that comes from people who think you’re too into yourself might be worth ignoring, make sure you celebrate others just as much.
They say everyone gossips. And perhaps we do!
But there’s healthy gossip that can help a community trust each other more and there’s toxic gossip, which just makes people judge you.
For example, it’s important to have a support system that is aware of what’s going on in your social life so you can ask for advice.
But you don’t need to gossip about how someone was wearing something that you think is unflattering.
This is the type of judgment you’ll earn from being judgmental.
Whether you’re aware of it or not, the way you talk about others is how people take note of how you might talk about them.
It’s a social game that a lot of people play where they silently notice these things.
But there are also people who don’t gossip at all who might silently side-eye you for lacking integrity and honesty.
7) Being too nosy.
AKA no social boundaries.
This is different from being too friendly or anything like that. It’s more about sticking your nose in people’s personal information.
Similar to gossipping, this can happen in group settings. You might ask about a specific person’s relationship history to another person.
Or it can happen 1 on 1 with someone where you ask about a sensitive subject out of nowhere.
Both of these scenarios usually make you seem like you are asking to stir up drama or simply that you have less than pure intentions.
Some things you don’t need to know unless that person directly tells you when they feel the time is right.
8) Lack of accountability.
This can be anything from being defensive, to being inconsiderate of other people’s time.
It’s all about trust.
How you handle your mistakes and how you keep your word is how people judge your trustworthiness.
No one should expect you to be perfect, but a repeated behavior of not caring to be responsible might earn you some secret disapproval from your peers.
Being defensive will also turn people off from having important conversations with you directly. Like feedback!
And it might make it harder to reconcile certain relationships because they’ve built a certain portfolio against you.
This is why it’s important to surround yourself with people who will keep you accountable because otherwise, it might harm you socially.
9) Chronic negativity.
How someone feels about themselves is often reflected on everything else in their life.
If you’re constantly putting yourself down, it sends the message that you won’t be very fun to be around.
Beyond fun, people seek relationships where they can uplift others and feel uplifted. And if you’re always looking at the world through a pessimistic lens, it can be draining to be around you.
Which can make people silently judge you because it can be really difficult to reason with negative people. It’s like talking to a wall because to get out of negativity, requires inner change.
Chronic negativity is also a sign that you lack self-awareness which might make people feel uneasy.
10) Lack of empathy.
A lack of empathy is evident in the way you treat others.
When you lack empathy, it’s like you are lacking a sense of humanity. You don’t acknowledge the other person’s autonomy, feelings, or wellbeing.
This can show up as being an overly critical person. Sure, sometimes, you have to keep people accountable for their mistakes.
But you can do so without making them feel like a machine that was built to be perfect.
Or if you’re too controlling, it shows a lack of respect for the other person’s ability to think for themselves.
Without empathy, you can’t work with others.
One reason being because people can’t speak to you for fear that they will be torn apart! And secondly because you can’t offer a perspective that is considered considerate.
So people will likely judge you silently and change how they act towards you accordingly.
People judge silently because they are trying to protect themselves – sometimes from their own fears!
But you’d also be surprised by how many people are secretly inspired by someone that goes against the grain.
Just keep your empathy close – and you’ll be just fine.