There are some things in life where you really just don’t need to explain yourself.
It can be hard today, especially as we become increasingly based upon seeking the validation and approval of others.
The truth of it is, you just don’t need to explain yourself in most cases where it comes to personal preferences and values.
You don’t need to justify your needs or your opinions.
People who try to force you into explaining yourself tend to do so out of disrespect, and being backed into a corner where you feel the need to do so can lead to feelings of diminished self-worth.
So stick by your guns, and remember that in the 5 following aspects of life, you owe no one an explanation:
1) Your relationship choices
Who you keep close to you is nobody’s business.
Ready to see why?
Your sexual preferences might be a hot topic for other people, but it’s not something you need to answer to.
Who you’re interested in and for what reasons is your choice and yours alone.
“I couldn’t date a blonde”, my friend told me recently.
Fantastic. I have no qualms with that comment.
That’s cutting out about 2% of the population, and if that’s her preference, she’s fully justified in it.
Additionally, your family or friends may well not approve of your partner of choice.
As long as this is without just reason (eg. they’re abusive or pose danger to you in some other form), you don’t owe them an explanation for what you see in your partner.
You don’t need to start listing out your partner’s best qualities and begging everyone else to see what you see in them.
Ultimately, it’s down to you to decide who you partner up with – you should never feel the need to justify that decision.
In the same light as above, you shouldn’t need to justify new friends to old friends and vice versa.
As we grow older, people tend to develop stronger interests and form more solid opinions.
Old friends can clash with new, but when it comes down to it, you’re your own person.
You don’t need to justify certain friends to others.
Those who you do keep in your close circle should be able to understand that, as adults, we’re allowed to form separate relationships with whom we like.
Using myself as a prime example, I’m good friends with two individuals who don’t see eye to eye.
In fact, they’re quite at odds with one another.
Yet, they both respect my decision in maintaining my friendship with the other.
I’ve also had scenarios in my past where friends have tried to call out certain friendships I have and force me into justifying why I like someone or choose to allow them into my life.
But true friendship means accepting that no explanation is needed for when it comes down to who makes you feel good about yourself.
Not everyone comes from a happy-go-lucky, nuclear family.
Sometimes they have to cut off family members and enforce certain boundaries.
This can be very difficult for people from happy families to understand.
But, if you’re amongst those that do suffer from difficult family relationships and have to distance yourself, you never need to justify this situation to others.
Knowing yourself and your experiences growing up, you’ll always know what’s best for yourself.
And if you’re deciding not to date or pursue romantic relationships, you might find many nosy people trying to force you to download Tinder or meet their friend who they claim to be just so your type.
You might be met with a few side-eyes if you say that actually, you’re happy on your own.
“Are you sure???”
People start trying to force you into explaining why you’re deciding to stay single.
Sure it’s not your self-esteem?
Sure you wouldn’t be happier with someone?
But don’t feel the need to answer these interrogations.
Your worth is never dependent on the presence of another person, and your dating choices shouldn’t be privy to others.
2) Having children
Following on from not needing to justify your relationship choices, you also don’t owe anyone an explanation on whether or not you want to have kids.
I know, heavy topic.
But if you’ve decided that a life without children is best for you, you’ve done pretty well in using your self-awareness to get to that level.
Many fall into the pattern of relationships and children without considering whether or not they actually want that path, or out of societal pressure to follow the norm.
If you’re choosing to be a DINK (double income, no kids), or a SINK (single income, no kids), good for you.
Stand by your choice and be proud in having realized what’s right for you.
3) When you need alone time
Sometimes, I bail at the last minute.
It’s not a great trait, and if you do need time alone, a little forward thinking goes far in protecting other people’s peoples time and respecting plans that have been made.
However, knowing when you need time on your own to decompress and destress isn’t something you should ever have to explain to others.
Can’t hang out this weekend?
Don’t want to go to the club tonight?
Planning on spending the afternoon nose-deep in a book?
People might get a little riled and start asking questions, but you don’t need to explain why you require a little social recharging time.
Telling them pleasantly (and hopefully in good time if it does come to cancelling plans) is important, but never feel pressured into explaining why you need alone time if this is something you benefit from.
4) Career choices
My grandpa was a lawyer.
My dad was a lawyer.
My mum is a lawyer.
My brother is a lawyer.
(There are several other lawyers in the family but you get the picture).
I am a writer.
There are points where you might feel pressured into following a certain career path that is not to your calling.
I was amongst the lucky ones who was encouraged to follow my dreams.
But this isn’t true for everyone.
If your passions are unconventional and lie outside of the vocations that your family encourages, you don’t need to explain yourself or justify your decisions.
You don’t want to look back at life and regret having followed a path that someone else chose for you.
So if you’re quitting a corporate job to pursue an avant-garde passion or just going down a different route to what everyone expects, remember that your life is your own to lead.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation as to where it’s going.
5) Your interests
Finally, you don’t need to explain what you do and don’t like to anyone.
“Why don’t you eat meat? Bacon is just sooo good”.
If I had a penny for every time someone has said this to me…
But, your interests in food, your hobbies, your passions.
None of them need to be explained to other people.
You can provide insight into why you like or dislike something, but never feel pressured to explain or fight your corner when it comes down to defending your interests.
Enjoy what you want and be confident in things that bring you fulfilment.
People are always going to have questions about the things you like and the choices you make.
Just remember – you don’t need to answer those questions.
Your interests and beliefs make up who you are as a person and distinguish you from the masses.
Be proud of your differences and know that whilst not everyone will support you, you don’t need to try and win them over.
When it comes to what brings you happiness, you don’t owe anyone an explanation.