Ask Evie: my sister doesn’t want me to be her bridesmaid anymore

I’ve got a bit of dilemma. Or not so much a dilemma as being in need of advice or insight.

My sister is getting married later this year. We’ve never been extremely close as she’s a fair bit older than me, but we’re also not distant or unfriendly with one another.

Initially, I was under the impression that she wanted me to be a bridesmaid along with 4 of her friends.

But I’m getting second thoughts as I went to a dress fitting with her and our mother and she even refused to look at me when I tried on the dress.

I was very confused and asked my mother, who gave a vague answer about how I was younger and taller and my sister didn’t want to have her spotlight taken on her big day.

I now feel worried that I’ve upset her and am not entirely sure what to do next as my mother seems to still think I should take on the bridesmaid role while my sister is completely avoiding me!


Firstly, let me send some love and comfort your way – navigating family dynamics, especially when it comes to weddings, can be incredibly tricky. It’s clear you’re feeling a mix of confusion and concern – which are all completely valid reactions to feeling like a sibling is on the fence about having you as part of their entourage.

You understandably want to be there for someone as close as your sibling on their big day. It’s also okay to feel hurt or confused in this situation, especially as you were initially led to believe that she had asked for you to stand in as a bridesmaid.

It sounds to me like you genuinely want to contribute to her special day in whatever way you can, but this unexpected reaction has understandably left you feeling a little unsettled.

Given the circumstances, it might be worthwhile to have an open and honest conversation with your sister. She’s no doubt very busy in organizing her big day, but often, a heart-to-heart can do wonders in clearing the air and making sure neither of you carry any resentment regarding the decision making behind this choice.

Approach her with kindness and compassion, and express your genuine desire to be a part of her celebration but let her know that you’ll support her decision and be happy in whatever position she wants you to be in. Plus, this way you’ll be able to wear whatever outfit you want!

Share how much you care about her and the relationship you both share. Although having a heart-to-heart might seem a bit daunting if you’re not very close with her, try to remind yourself that these difficult conversations can often create a deeper understanding and connection between you both.

Generally, weddings can be incredibly fun days that get the whole family together – plus who doesn’t enjoy celebrating with love in the air! That being said, they are far more emotionally charged and riddled with complex family dynamics than we are led to believe.

And the outcome of bringing so many people together and balancing the requirements of two families can often lead to a far messier event behind-the-scenes. People’s reactions during the entire organization process might well not always reflect their true feelings.

It’s very possible your sister is overwhelmed with the preparations, and as a request her actions are likely not an accurate reflection of how she truly perceives you or values you.

So, if you’re comfortable doing so, consider finding a quiet moment to talk with her, perhaps over a cup of tea or coffee amidst the chaos. Let her know you’ve noticed a change, ask if there’s anything on her mind, and gently communicate the fact that you’ll happily support her decision no matter what.

Share your feelings too and reassure her that you’re there to support her in whatever capacity she feels comfortable with.

Remember: you are a valuable part of her life, and your presence, whether as a bridesmaid or in another role, can contribute to making her wedding day truly special.

Wishing you strength and warmth as you navigate this tricky situation.

I’m sure you’ll both have a blast when the big day comes around regardless of what dress you’re wearing!


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Ask Evie

Evie is on a mission to revolutionize relationships and help you sort through your emotional woes. Her popular column helps readers break free from societal restraints and create empowering relationships - both with their inner selves and with those around them. With a wealth of experience in relationship counseling, backed by several professional certifications, she’s open-minded, big-hearted, and extremely compassionate… But she’ll also be completely honest in telling you the (sometimes) brutal truth, so you can get straight to the heart of the matter. Maybe you’re trying to save a marriage that currently feels like a sinking ship? Or worrying that your new friend isn’t quite as nice as they seem? Perhaps you’ve accidentally killed your partner’s goldfish and are weighing up the pros and cons of going to the pet store and finding a doppelganger, or fessing up? Whatever the dilemma, Evie’s at the ready to help sort through the emotional turmoil and guide you towards the next best step. To get in touch with Evie, click here.

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