25 signs you’re the problem in your relationship

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pexels mikhail nilov 6932388 25 signs you're the problem in your relationship

Do you find yourself in a toxic relationship and think that you might be the cause?

Toxic relationships are unhealthy relationships that cause ongoing emotional pain for those involved.

In order for you to know if you’re the problem in your relationship or if there’s something else going on, follow these 25 signs that may point to you being the issue:

1) You’re always threatening to break up

If you’re wondering whether you’re the problem in your toxic relationship, then ask yourself this:

Are you constantly threatening to leave?

If the answer is “yes”, then my answer is “yes” too. You are the problem in your toxic relationship.

How do you expect to have a stable relationship when there is a constant possibility that you’ll bolt as soon as things get a little bit difficult or you don’t get what you want?

2) You always find things to criticize your partner about

If you feel like you’re the problem in your toxic relationship, try this little exercise.

Try writing down all of the things you said about your partner that you later regretted.

Be honest with yourself.

Now:

If you don’t have any regrets, then you’re probably not the problem.

If you have regrets, if you are overly and unjustly critical of your partner, then you might be the cause of your toxic relationships.

But what if you could change into someone less toxic?

The truth is, most of us never realize how much power and potential lies within us.

We become bogged down by continuous conditioning from society, the media, our education system, and more.

The result?

The reality we create becomes detached from the reality that lives within our consciousness.

I learned this (and much more) from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandé. In this mind-blowing free video, he explains that love is not what many of us think it is. In fact, many of us are actually self-sabotaging our love lives without realizing it!

And one of the ways you’re sacrificing your love is by finding things to criticize your partner about. 

Just think about it.

Far too often we fall into codependent roles of savior and victim to try to “fix” our partner, only to end up in a miserable, bitter routine. 

Sounds like something you’re doing? If so, you should probably check out Rudá’s teachings. Trust me, his insights will help you develop a whole new perspective when it comes to your love life.

Click here to watch the free video.

3) You assume the worst about your partner

Do you always assume the worst of your partner?

Do you have a hard time giving them the benefit of the doubt?

Now:

If you have answered “yes” to both questions, then you might be the cause of your toxic relationship.

A healthy relationship is based on trust and faith.

No one can give that to you, it has to come from within.

You see, if there’s no trust or faith between a couple, it’s inevitable that there will be conflict and fights due to misinterpretation and misunderstanding.

4) You keep score of mistakes and grievances

Are you always able to recall past mistakes and grievances?

If you’re unable to let the past go and you’re unable to forgive your partner, then it’s going to be very difficult to move forward with your relationship and your life.

Unless you learn to focus on the present and the future and to let bygones be bygones, you risk losing your partner.

Simply put:

There’s only so much a person can take before walking away from a toxic relationship.

5) What would a relationship coach say?

While the signs in this article will help you understand whether you’re the problem in the relationship, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like when a relationship is in peril. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.

Why do I recommend them?

Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.

I was blown away by how genuine, understanding and professional they were.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to get started.

6) You blame your partner for everything

Are you unable to admit when you’re wrong?

If you always find fault with your partner, then chances are that you are the one causing tension and frustration in your relationship.

Now:

Finding faults is a way of trying to control the outcome or get revenge for something that went wrong in the relationship.

If this happens often enough, it can lead to an unhealthy pattern where one person constantly finds fault with their partner without actually offering any solutions on how they could improve things.

It’s important not only for each individual but also as a couple to be able to put aside those feelings and focus on what really matters: spending time together enjoying life instead of being stuck arguing about trivialities like who doesn’t fold up the dish towel properly.

In a nutshell:

Everyone makes mistakes, but if you think that your partner is the only one who makes mistakes in your relationship, you’re the problem.

7) You’re a great manipulator

An obvious sign of a toxic person is that they are a great manipulator.

Manipulation is a toxic behavior because it’s wrong to use others for your own means.

So ask yourself, are you constantly manipulating your partner to get what you want?

If you answered “yes” to this question, chances are that you’re turning your partner into an object instead of a person.

8) You’re addicted to drama

If you often find yourself in a fight and if your relationship is always on the verge of breaking up, then it might be time to recognize that drama has become an unhealthy part of your life.

Now:

If you’re addicted to drama, it’s inevitable that your relationship will become toxic and destructive.

In order to have a healthy relationship with someone else, you must be able to communicate without fighting constantly or being jealous of each other all the time.

Drama has no place in a happy relationship.

9) You have a major superiority complex

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Do you think you’re better than everyone?

Do you think you’re better than your partner?

Well then, I have news for you. You might be the reason for your toxic relationship.

Turns out that toxic people have superiority complexes that can include verbal put-downs, controlling behaviors, negative body language, and aggressive actions.

People with these types of personality traits like to dominate others.

They may create an illusion of power by creating chaos or are intensely jealous of those who command respect from others in order to feel validated.

And that’s not all!

A toxic person is always very condescending and often finds that they’re in the right at all times.

10) You over-analyze everything

If you’re constantly worried that something will go wrong and are over-analyzing every situation, you could be the problem in your relationship.

Now:

When you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s normal to worry about the future.

There are always going to be uncertainties and unknowns that can cause concern.

But if you find yourself constantly worrying and stressing over everything, it could be that you might be the issue in your relationship.

The way to fix this problem is not to analyze every decision or event that happens or doesn’t happen in the relationship.

Instead, focus on the present moment and how your partner is feeling.

If there are some things that need addressing, take care of them without focusing so much on what may happen next.

This will help both of you have a better time in the present moment and leave room for more possibilities for the future.

11) You don’t respect your partner’s boundaries

There are certain boundaries that are necessary for a relationship to function, and most people know what those boundaries are.

Does this sound new to you?

Do you find that you are constantly disrespecting your partner’s boundaries?

This could be because you don’t realize what your boundaries are.

The way to fix this problem is by observing your behavior.

You might also want to talk to your partner about it.

  • Ask them how they feel.
  • Ask them to tell you when you cross the line.

This is very important because not respecting boundaries leads to a toxic relationship.

12) You’re self-absorbed

Self-absorbed people take everything personally and think the world revolves around them.

Because of this they often lack empathy and make decisions on a whim rather than taking the time to consider what will be best for everyone.

Now:

If you find yourself constantly thinking about yourself and your problems, it could be that you might be the issue in your relationship.

The way to fix this problem is by focusing on your partner and their feelings.

If you learn to do this, it will help you with all relationships in your life, be it with family members, friends, or colleagues.

You need to remember that you’re not the only one with feelings.

In essence:

You need to learn how to be there for others.

13) You have a temper

If you are constantly lashing out at your partner, if you can’t contain your anger, then you’re the reason you’re in a toxic relationship.

Now:

When people have a temper, it becomes difficult for them to contain their thoughts and feelings.

This also causes them to lash out at whoever is closest to them.

But don’t worry!

The way to fix this problem is by learning how to let go of your anger.

But I get it, letting those feelings out can be hard, especially if you’ve spent so long trying to stay in control of them.

If that’s the case, once again, I highly recommend watching Rudá Iandê’s incredible free video on Love and Intimacy.

Rudá isn’t another self-professed life coach. Through shamanism and his own life journey, he’s created a modern-day twist to ancient healing techniques.

And his video is a great way to start fixing your relationship with yourself and begin focusing on the most important relationship of all – the one you have with yourself.

So if you’re ready to take back control over your temper and find solutions that’ll stay with you for life, I’m leaving a link for you:

Click here to watch the free video.

14) You’re letting your partner do all the work

You never want to get your hands dirty, so you let your partner do all the work in the relationship.

Sound familiar?

Whether it’s getting stuff around the house done, taking care of the kids, bringing home the bacon, or initiating things in the bedroom, you leave it all to your partner.

If you think your relationship has become toxic, you’re right, and the reason is your behavior.

What can you do to fix things?

Start by taking an active part in your relationship. Take the initiative to do something.

Show your significant other that you care!

15) You stonewall your partner

Do you find yourself starting to shut down mid-argument?

Do you suddenly stop communicating and retreat?

Refusing to communicate with another person can have hurtful and frustrating effects.

Shutting down during an argument is called “stonewalling” and is also known as “the silent treatment”.

Here’s the truth:

It’s not only harmful to a relationship but it’s toxic.

If you find yourself doing this often, then your relationship is in trouble.

What can you do to fix things?

Instead of stonewalling your partner, open yourself up to communication.

Listen to their side of the story and give yours.

I know it can be difficult to deal with all the emotions that arise during an argument but if you want your relationship to move forward, then you have to be able to communicate.

16) You don’t stay on topic when you argue

Do you sometimes find that you’re having a heated conversation about one thing, and suddenly it goes rogue and you bring up something that upset you years and years ago?

Now:

There’s also no point in talking about what happened years ago when you’re already fighting about something unrelated.

You can’t expect to have a productive relationship with someone who is unwilling to stay on topic during an argument.

This is toxic behavior because it encourages arguing and fighting.

The result?

You begin to see all arguments as battles, and the discussion quickly devolves into name-calling, insults, and general aggression.

It’s not good for anyone, that’s for sure!

17) You ignore problems

Do you find it easier to ignore problems in your relationship than to deal with them?

Here’s the thing:

If you ignore your partner’s red flags, then it’s not surprising that you may find yourself in toxic situations time and time again.

Ignoring problems can snowball into a major problem in your relationship.

If you’re willing to put forth an effort to discuss problems with your partner then the chances of an argument arising or trust declining is lessened.

Simply put:

If you want a healthy relationship you should be making an effort to discuss problems with your partner instead of ignoring them.

18) You’re addicted to social media

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Ah yes, the problem of the modern-day (wo)man – social media!

Sometimes we spend so much time scrolling through our news feeds and social media that we neglect our relationships at home.

This is not good, especially in long-term relationships.

It’s okay to engage in social media from time to time as long as you make sure that you are spending quality time with your partner.

19) You’re losing friends

Have you ever noticed that a lot of your friends seem to be disappearing?

They might have said they were going on vacation, but you’re sure it’s not that.

They’ve stopped texting you and hanging out with you as much.

If this sounds familiar, then chances are you’re toxic.

What does it mean for someone to be toxic?

It means that their behavior is so upsetting and unapproachable that people stop being around them due to these behaviors.

You might not see yourself as toxic, but if you are causing a lot of drama or have lost many friends over time, it could be possible that you’re toxic.

20) You only think about yourself

Do you often put yourself first? Are you always thinking about yourself?

Do you have time to think about your partner’s needs versus your own needs when a disagreement arises?

Toxic people are more concerned with their needs and wants than they are with the needs and wants of other people.

Toxic people may have a good idea of what other people need, but they aren’t focused on others – they’re only focused on themselves.

21) You’re controlling

Do you feel like you have to be in control?

It can be hard to admit when you have been the toxic person in a relationship.

People always want to believe that they’re not toxic, which is why it’s so important to know the signs that you are toxic and take steps to change your behavior if necessary.

Toxic people are also known for being manipulative and controlling.

They use guilt trips, intimidation tactics, and emotional blackmail to get what they want from others.

Maybe it’s time to take a hard long look at yourself.

22) You never hold yourself accountable

Do you always blame your partner for anything that goes wrong?

Is nothing ever your fault?

Toxic people may not be aware that they are toxic. They might not even realize that they are doing anything wrong.

However, in a relationship, it can be hard to admit that you are toxic when every time there is a disagreement or conflict, you put the blame on the other person and try to manipulate them.

If this sounds like you, it might mean that there is something very wrong with how you view yourself and how you interact with other people.

For example, if you’re never willing to take responsibility for what is going on in your life and by extension with everyone around you – this could mean that something’s missing from your personality.

23) You’re bossy

You’re bossy, and you have a tendency to order other people around.

Your partner is not happy with this behavior because it puts them in the position of having to do what you say no matter how unreasonable or unfair your requests are.

Bossy people have a hard time in relationships.

Bossy people are usually not happy and often end up in unhappy marriages.

The thing is, many of them don’t even know it! They think they’re just taking charge, but their actions are actually making their partner feel like less of an equal.

Here’s the thing:

You need to be more considerate if you want your relationship to work out.

24) You’re always in a bad mood

Do you feel like nothing ever goes right?

Are you always in a bad mood?

Well then, it’s no wonder your relationship is toxic!

Bad moods can be so destructive that they lead to resentment and distrust.

It’s possible that you have been carrying around a lot of negative energy and your partner is picking up on it.

Sometimes, the more toxic we are, the harder it is for us to see when our behavior has an impact on others in our life.

If you want to fix your relationship and feel better in general, you need to start working on your view of the world.

Take some time out to focus inwardly and figure out what’s causing this negativity so you can start working towards change.

Be more positive!

25) You self-sabotage for no reason

If you have a tendency to self-sabotage then it’s no surprise that you have problems in your relationship.

The reason you self-sabotage is that you don’t think you deserve to be happy.

Now:

You believe that you are not good enough or worthy of happiness.

You may also think that your life is too difficult for someone like you to be happy.

This thought pattern will continue until the belief changes and it becomes clear to yourself that there are many people in similar circumstances who have managed to find happiness despite how hard their lives were, so why can’t you?

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Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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