A happy and loving relationship is a blessing.
But with so many misconceptions out there and negativity to sift through when it comes to relationships, it can seem impossible to find the right formula for success.
Then I came across a very clear and straight-to-the-point video by the fabled shaman Rudá Iandê.
In this video Rudá explains that the most successful relationships are characterized by three key factors: curiosity, understanding and self-confidence.
Or keep reading for my summary.
1) Curiosity about your partner
A successful relationship is like a good book.
The hero and heroine have to be constantly curious about each other. Not asking “why?” but “why not?” And when you do, you learn something new about your partner and yourself.
When we don’t know enough about our partner, it’s impossible to build a successful relationship or allow ourselves to expand and grow together.
It’s important to discover more than just your partner’s favorite color and food.
Ask yourself: What makes him/her happy? When did your partner first fall in love and how did the person feel then? Are there any unresolved conflicts? What do you admire about your partner?
The deeper you can go in learning about what makes your partner really tick the better.
2) Understanding of feelings and behavior
Why do people do what they do, think what they think and feel what they feel? Well, there is no why. You must accept that everyone is different from each other.
So don’t expect your partner to have the same emotional responses as you do. And don’t expect for him or her to understand you immediately.
You and your partner are each different individuals with different histories and what you thought was going to be a quick fix in a relationship might not be that at all.
It takes effort, patience, and understanding on everyone’s parts but it will pay off exponentially in the long run.
If you want to see an explanation of why understanding is so important, I went into more depth in the video below.
Building a happy relationship requires building ourselves up. But without self-confidence, we can’t get far in any area of life.
In fact, self-confidence is an extremely attractive quality that will draw others to you and help you get ahead in life.
This doesn’t mean that you should be conceited or narcissistic. But it means that you should like yourself, be comfortable with who you are and respect yourself.
You will then have more energy, be more effective in your relationships and develop a positive attitude towards life.
In his love and intimacy masterclass, Rudá Iandê explains that you can develop your charisma and aura by enhancing your self-confidence. All you have to do is work on the relationship you have with yourself.
How to start loving yourself (even when you feel insecure about your relationships)
The key to developing self-confidence in relationships is to start loving yourself.
But loving yourself is something that sounds easy but is actually quite difficult.
Loving yourself means:
Believing in your value and worth as a human being.
Accepting every part of yourself, including the parts you don’t like.
And having a positive relationship with your thoughts, feelings and emotions.
This is easier said than done. But it can be done with some practice.
In his love and intimacy masterclass, Rudá Iandê shares a very simple process for planting yourself at the center of your being and your relationships. It’s an exercise that anyone can do.
You can learn more about this in his masterclass. Click here to watch it now.
Other tips for creating love and intimacy in your relationship
One of the main things that helps with a great relationship is communication – both verbal and nonverbal. You have to be able to talk about the real issues and be vulnerable with each other. And you have to learn how to listen as well. Here are some tips:
1) Talk about your emotions when they come up. Don’t try to avoid them or pretend they don’t exist.
2) Be vulnerable and share your feelings with each other. Especially when you relationship is starting out.
3) Take turns talking and listening. Don’t keep talking, especially if the other person doesn’t appear to be interested in what you’re saying.
4) If the communication isn’t flowing very well, ask the person if he or she would prefer to talk in another medium, such as over a meal or while walking somewhere together.
5) If you still aren’t connecting, then use a conflict resolution method that you can both agree on. This can be done by writing down your feelings and emotion, then asking the other person to do the same.
6) Learn to forgive each other by saying “I love you” instead of getting stuck on who was right or wrong in the situation.
7) Smile often and look into each others eyes – this creates a feeling of security and intimacy between you.
Exercise for improving your love and intimacy in relationships
Now it’s time for an exercise to get you started on a path towards building a great relationship. This is from the love and intimacy masterclass that I mentioned earlier.
When you’re practicing this exercise it’s important to monitor your thoughts and feelings carefully so that you can have a good relationship with yourself.
What you’re going to do is this: Sit in front of a mirror and look into your eyes. If you notice any negative thoughts or uncomfortable emotions, then write them down on a piece of paper.
Then use one of the exercises from the video to deal with them by thinking about what you would like to feel instead.
When you’ve practiced this exercise, I recommend that you go through all the chapters in this love and intimacy masterclass. This is going to help you really understand some deep aspects of relationships, such as how they can be in balance and how they can be in conflict.
I recently created a video on how to start loving yourself. Watch it below.