A married man giving you too much attention might seem flattering at first, but it can quickly make you feel uncomfortable if he doesn’t stop.
Sure, some guys like to flirt and have a little fun, but what happens if you’re not feeling it and you want it to end?
You wouldn’t be alone in feeling this way, I too have experienced this at work and within my friendship circle, so I know how it feels.
But the good news is you can easily put an end to the problem and our 26 signs below will help with that. First off though, let’s look at why men do this in the first place:
Why might a married man flirt with you?
In an ideal world, married couples would live a blissful life filled with love and commitment.
But we live in the real world, and increasingly, there’s a lot of pressure and tension within marriages, and affairs happen.
Whether it’s because kids have taken over and the husband feels abandoned by his wife, or their sex life has diminished after many years together, some men simply don’t feel satisfied in their marriage anymore.
And when this happens, some of them will start looking elsewhere to get that rush of excitement that they once used to get from their wife.
Other reasons include:
- He wants to feel desired and attractive
- He’s bored and he wants to liven things up
- He’s genuinely attracted to you and can’t help but flirt with you
- His marriage is going through a rough patch
- He longs for the freedom of being single again
In many cases, a married man pursuing you might be lighthearted – a casual flirty comment while you’re in the staff room making coffee or a bit of banter as you wait for a work meeting to start.
But in other cases, the man will keep going out of his way to flirt with you, even to the point where it makes you uncomfortable and you’re left feeling confused and unsettled.
In either case, you’ve probably received a lot of mixed messages and signals from him.
Unless he’s completely narcissistic and feels no remorse for his actions, most men will experience guilt and so they’ll keep playing with fire but retreat each time before they get burnt.
So, to help you better identify if he’s truly pursuing you, or if it’s all just in your head and you’re taking a lighthearted comment too far, check out these 26 signs:
Signs a married man is pursuing you
1) He always starts the conversation
Do you ever get the feeling that someone is mentally searching for a way to strike up a conversation?
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Even if you’ve already discussed both your weekends and the conversation has dried up if he’s interested he’ll keep coming back for more.
And as time goes on, his questions and topics will start to get more and more personal – he’s trying to get to know you and find out what makes you tick.
2) He always wants to know about your recent dates
Another telltale sign that a married man is pursuing you is if he’s suddenly developed a huge interest in your love life.
He’ll want to know how things are going with your boyfriend or whether the date you went on the other night was successful or not.
He’s essentially sending feelers out there to work out whether you’re interested back or if you’re committed elsewhere.
3) You’ve triggered his hero instinct
A surefire sign a married man wants to pursue you is when you’ve triggered his hero instinct.
If you haven’t heard of the hero instinct yet, it’s an epic new concept in relationship psychology.
What it boils down to is that men want to step up for the woman in his life and earn her respect in return. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
When a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll pursue you with a passion. Because he’s getting what he truly craves from a relationship.
The sad fact is that his wife probably isn’t bringing this instinct out in him.
I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.
The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to earn respect. And if a married man is not getting this feeling from his wife, then he will seek it from someone else.
I’ve just scratched the surface of what the hero instinct is all about. To learn more, watch this excellent free video.
The video reveals the simple things you can do today to trigger this very natural male instinct.
4) His gaze seems to follow you everywhere
For sure you will have picked up on him staring at you (it’s hard not to) and the chances are this is probably what triggered your suspicion in the first place.
If a married man is pursuing you, when he can’t talk to you he’ll certainly be checking you out.
Watch out for suggestive eye-contact and whether his eyes follow you across the room.
5) He might seem nervous around you
As much as we imagine a guy like this to be super confident, it’s not always the case.
For the average married man who’s interested in you, he’ll probably clam up whenever you’re around.
Think about it:
If he’s been married for a while, his dating game will be completely off.
Flirting will probably be a big deal for him and he might be nervous about it, especially at the beginning.
6) He complains often about his marriage
If a man isn’t happy about his marriage and he’s developed an interest in you, chances are he’ll make his unhappiness known.
He might complain directly about his wife, or he’ll drop little hints that things aren’t going well at home.
What’s the biggest complaint most men have about their marriage?
Above all else, men want to be respected for what they bring to a relationship. Men have an in-built urge to provide for and protect the woman they care about.
Many women simply don’t bring out the hero instinct in their husbands.
If you want to learn more about this game-changing new concept, check out this “must watch” new video.
The hero instinct is probably the best kept secret in relationship psychology. The few women who know about it have an almost unfair advantage in love.
7) He tries to downplay his marriage
And just as he might complain about his wife or marriage, he might also try to avoid the subject of it.
He knows that the more you’re reminded of his marriage, the less likely you’ll be interested in him back.
Plus, it might be a way of him avoiding feeling guilty – after all, who wants to be reminded of their partner when they’re in the middle of chasing someone else?
8) He compliments you
Sure, a married male friend might compliment you from time to time, but you’ll never be left wondering if it means more or not.
If he compliments your clothes, your body, or your recent haircut, it’s a sign that he’s keeping an eye on you and your appearance – enough to notice small changes.
9) He gets jealous of other guys
At this point, you might be thinking, “How does he even have the audacity to get jealous?”
My exact thoughts too, but believe it or not, even though he’s married, he will still get jealous.
His behavior isn’t right, but he also doesn’t want to see anyone else with you in case it puts a stop to his little fantasy.
10) He always looks his best when you’re around
Has his appearance recently changed?
Maybe you notice that he dresses a lot smarter, or always wears cologne now.
Upping his A-game is a surefire sign that he’s trying to impress you. It’s even more telling if he doesn’t make the same effort for his wife.
11) Other people have picked up on it
If you work in an open-plan office, chances are someone has picked up on it.
If you find your colleagues or friends making jokes or reference to how said *married man* can’t keep his eyes off you, it’s best to believe them.
Even if you’ve not been paying close attention, there’s nothing like office gossip to confirm your suspicions.
12) He’ll try and make you laugh
It’s no secret that women love a man who can make them laugh.
That’s why guys try their best to be funny. The funnier he is, the more likable he’ll be.
This ritual is his way of trying to win your affection – the more you laugh, the more he’ll feel boosted and confident.
13) He’ll start following all your social media
Social media is a great way to stay in touch, but if you notice he likes every picture you share and comments regularly, it’s a sign he’s looking for more.
Put it this way:
Private messaging you or stalking you on social media is a massive indicator that he’s lusting for you and he is thinking about you.
After all, doing it online is much easier than face to face, so many men will feel more comfortable talking to you remotely.
14) Texts become less professional and more personal
And within those direct messages or texts, you’ll notice the tone change.
Instead of talking about work or the mutual interests you share (if he’s the husband of a friend or family member), it’ll start getting personal.
You’ll also get a good idea of his intentions by the emojis he uses – some are certainly more suggestive and flirty than others.
15) He pays you the most attention
Another obvious sign that this married man wants you is if he intentionally pays you more attention than anyone else in the room.
If it’s your boss, you’ll always be the one consulted before everyone else.
If your colleague is looking for an office affair, you’ll be the one he stops to speak to and he won’t even bat an eyelid at everyone else in your workplace.
16) He’ll find ways to be around you
And just as he’ll give you the special treatment, he’ll also look for opportunities to talk to you.
Out for a work meal? He’ll be sitting next to you.
Having a night out with friends? He’ll find an excuse to join you at the bar.
Whatever the occasion, you’ll see him working out a way to be as close to you as possible, even if he doesn’t have good reason to be.
17) He might get a bit too close physically
Things might progress even further than just hanging around you – he might find ways to touch you.
Now, because he’s married he probably won’t be as direct as a single man, but he might find an excuse to brush your hand or put his arm around you “because you look cold”.
18) He buys you gifts
This takes me back to a Christmas classic – Love Actually.
When Alan Rickman buys his sexy secretary a gift, I think most women watching at home felt a collective sadness for his lovely wife waiting for him at home.
You see, buying a gift not only shows that he’s interested in you, but that he’s looking for more.
In most cases, men don’t buy you things unless they’re hoping for something in return – especially if he’s a married man looking for action.
19) He tries to meet you alone
Flirting with you publicly is a risky game. Prying eyes and nosy neighbors will quickly pick up on it.
But, if he gets you alone, it’s much easier to get your full attention and make his intentions clear.
So how might he do it?
Most likely, he’ll make it seem that you’re meeting for a genuine reason, like working on a work project or buying a present for a mutual friend you share.
20) Your opinion matters to him
Does he always want to know your thoughts?
Maybe he comes to you when he wants a second opinion on something?
Either way, by asking you in the first place it’s a big sign that he’s interested in you and that your opinion is important to him.
If he saw you as just a friend or another colleague, he probably wouldn’t go out of his way to get your advice on his decisions.
21) He’s a different person when his wife is around
Do you notice his behavior change significantly when his Mrs comes around?
In most cases, if he has even a shred of decency, he’ll ignore you in front of her.
His tone will be more authoritative and neutral and all that playful banter and special attention you receive will quickly stop.
22) He sends mixed signals
So whilst he may come on strong, you’ll also be left confused by his behavior.
Remember what I said about playing with fire?
Well, he’ll likely go through periods where he feels confident and encouraged by this new thrilling venture of his, and other times he’ll get cold feet and feel guilty.
It might look like this:
- Being very chatty with you and the next day saying hardly a word
- Texting you non stop and then suddenly going quiet
- Staring at you and making eye contact to acting as if you don’t exist
If stuff like this happens, it’s usually because he’s having an internal battle with himself and he’s unsure of how to act.
23) His conversations are borderline flirty
Or full-on flirty.
Depending on how confident he is, you’ll start to notice that even an innocent conversation about the weather can turn into a flirty joke.
And whilst some men can turn any conversation dirty, you’ll notice that he only does it with you and not other women.
24) He takes his wedding ring off around you
This is probably one of the most obvious signs to signal he’s pursuing you – he removes the one thing that shows his commitment to someone else, his ring.
If he does this, he’s not after just a bit of friendly flirting, but a full-blown affair.
Essentially, he’s trying to hide the fact that he’s married and he knows his ring will act as the ultimate reminder.
25) You might feel uncomfortable around him
The truth is, one of the biggest indicators that his intentions aren’t platonic comes down to how you feel around him.
Trust your gut instinct and if you feel that his behavior towards you is inappropriate or more flirty than acceptable, it’s probably because it is.
26) His body language gives it away
And finally, his body language will be a key way in knowing that he’s pursuing you.
Here are some ways to tell:
- He’ll take on an authoritative pose around you – standing tall with his chest out
- He’ll lean in when he’s talking to you and make it feel very personal
- He might lean against something to give the impression of being relaxed
The bottom line is:
There’s a reason you’re reading this article.
Either you’ve picked up on some of these signs yourself, or you’ve noticed that something is up with him.
And hopefully, by now you know whether it’s a genuine interest in you or just his way of being friendly.
What should you do if a married guy keeps flirting with you?
Let’s cut to the chase here:
Even if you’re flattered and interested back, getting involved with a married man is never a good idea.
Not only are you setting yourself up for a long road of secrecy, guilt, and betrayal, but you’re also contributing to potentially breaking up a family.
At the very least, you know his wife will be deeply affected to find out her husband has been playing away from home.
Now add some kids into the mix, and bam, you’re the “other woman” who ruined everything.
If he’s seriously interested in you (and you feel the same), wait until he’s divorced his wife before even entertaining the idea of pursuing him back.
So now that’s out of the way, what can you do if you want the flirting to stop?
There’s no easy way to do this.
Most likely, the married man is your colleague, boss, or the husband of a friend.
So since it’s probably someone you’ll have to continue seeing regularly or from time to time, it’s best to approach the situation calmly and without getting everyone else involved.
Here are a few steps you can take to handle this uncomfortable situation:
- Start by ignoring his advances
- Refuse to engage in flirty or inappropriate conversations
- If he continues, confront him and let him know that his feelings make you uncomfortable
The key here is to be firm.
No matter how nervous you feel, don’t beat around the bush. You’ll only send him mixed signals and he might think he’s still got a chance if you don’t put your foot down.
Be clear that you’re not interested and that you want nothing more than a friendly, platonic relationship.
And if he continues?
It’s time to take action — if he’s a colleague or boss, you need to file a report with your company.
Continuing this behavior even though you’ve made it clear you’re uncomfortable with it is no joke, and it could go on to jeopardize your career if you’re always on edge at work.
If he’s the husband of a close friend, you might consider telling her how you feel (but this will largely depend on your relationship with her, and how far he’s taken the flirting).
Either way, he’ll soon get the message and realize that you’re not going to back down until he stops…and why should you?
He’s the one who is potentially willing to ruin his marriage and drag you down with him.
A married man pursuing you might seem uncomfortable, annoying, or even flattering, depending on your relationship with him and whether you’re interested or not.
But the important thing to remember is that, whilst some flirting could be taken lightheartedly and a little banter never hurt anyone, you should never be made to feel uncomfortable by it.
And if you are interested in him, before getting involved with a married man you need to think about the consequences of your actions.
He might be happy to break up his marriage, but do you want to live with that guilt for the rest of your life?
What’s to say he won’t do the same thing to you in the future?
There’s always a risk when starting an affair, and unfortunately, it can have devastating effects on the people around you (in his case, his family), so be firm and don’t be afraid to put him back his place.