23 undeniable signs you have a selfish girlfriend (complete list)

Does it feel like your woman only cares about yourself? Does she tend to think that she is the center of the universe? Does she put her needs before yours without any regrets for doing so?

Then, unfortunately, you might have a selfish girlfriend.

A selfish girlfriend can not only damage your emotional health but can also put a strain on the health of the relationship.

It’s important to recognize when your girlfriend is being selfish so you can take action to rectify it and save your relationship.

So, let’s find out if your girlfriend is being selfish.

Here are 23 undeniable signs you have a selfish girlfriend.

1) She always talks about herself

To be honest, if your girlfriend is always talking about herself, it’s probably the first sign that she’s a bit selfish.

A person who only cares about themselves is not going to care too much about others.

You might have a selfish girlfriend if she never stops talking about herself.

She might start talking about her career, her life goals, or even her past relationships.

She’ll even make sure you know what she thinks of everything in the world.

If your girlfriend is selfish, then she’s concerned exclusively with herself and disregards other people’s feelings.

According to F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W. in Psychology Today, there are two defining characteristics of selfishness:

“Being concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself; Having no regard for the needs or feelings of others.”

2) She doesn’t think twice before saying something hurtful to you

If your girlfriend is always looking out for herself and isn’t going to care too much about how you feel, then she might say something hurtful without thinking twice.

If she is always saying things that hurt you, then it’s probably because she has no regard for your feelings.

She might even bring up the topic of breaking up with you when you’re not expecting it.

This is because she wants to gain control of your emotions, and by bringing up such a hefty topic, it will put you on your back feet and you won’t know how to respond.

She doesn’t care about your feelings. She only cares about owning the power in the relationship and controlling what happens.

She might even start fights with you over petty issues, because that’s her way gaining control.

3) She controls everything you do

The word “control” again. This is going to be a common theme throughout this article.

You see, a selfish person is always looking out for themselves.

They don’t care about anyone else, so they try to control everything.

If your girlfriend is truly selfish, then she’ll try to control everything you do.

She might not want you to hang out with your friends, or even go on a trip that you’re excited about.

Why? Because it means that she lacks control and she doesn’t benefit.

While the signs in this article will help you understand whether you have a selfish girlfriend, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like having a selfish girlfriend. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems. 

Why do I recommend them?

Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.  

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4) She makes plans without asking you first

If your girlfriend is always making plans and never asks you what you want to do, then it’s not a good sign.

She might not care about what you want to do and that’s why she makes plans without asking you first.

You might feel like she doesn’t care about your feelings, because if she did, then she would have asked you what you wanted to do in the first place.

5) She never compromises

A selfish person is always out for themselves.

They struggle to see situations from another person’s point of view, so they lack the ability to compromise for another person’s sake.

Here are some examples:

  • She never wants to do anything with her friends. It’s either hang out with her friends or no one.
  • She never wants to even see your family or do anything for them. But she expects you to see her family.
  • She never lets you have a say in any travel plans. It’s either her way or the highway.

6) She doesn’t have many friends

A selfish person has no room for others in their life.

They have no time for other people, so they don’t have many friends.

If your girlfriend doesn’t have many friends, then it could be that she doesn’t make an effort with other people because she doesn’t think it’s necessary.

Other people need to make an effort with her if they want to be friends.

Because she doesn’t see the value in being friends with other people, unless of course, she benefits in some way in terms of her career or financial situation.

So be warned:

If your girlfriend doesn’t have any friends at all, or at least “genuine friends”, then it might be because she never “gives” in any relationship and always “takes”.

7) She’s always complaining about something

A selfish person is always out for themselves, so they are always complaining when things don’t go their way.

They’re just not happy with whatever life throws at them if it doesn’t benefit them.

Selfish people love complaining because they think that life is all about them.

They don’t care if their complaining annoys other people. They need to have their issues heard.

If your girlfriend is always complaining about something, then chances are she’s selfish.

8) She’s rude to others

As we’ve mentioned, a selfish person doesn’t care about other people’s feelings, so they generally aren’t very nice to other people unless they can benefit from them.

It’s a sad way to look at life, but that’s just how it is with a selfish person.

They don’t care about other people’s feelings and what they want because they’re too self-absorbed.

If your girlfriend is rude to others, then it could be that she’s selfish.

You might want to ask her why she treats everyone like crap if it isn’t you.

For example, perhaps when you go to a restaurant, she acts all nice to you but is really mean to the waitress.

This shows you her true colors and what she really thinks of other people.

9) She always says “me” not “we”

If your girlfriend is always saying “me” and not “we”, then it’s probably because she’s selfish.

She might not care about what you want to do or how you feel.

Your relationship isn’t a 50/50 partnership, it’s a one-sided relationship.

Life revolves around her perspective, and she doesn’t consider what you think about anything.

She might even expect you to do things for her without ever doing anything for you.

This is a huge sign of selfish behavior, and you need to have an honest conversation with her if this continues.

10) She doesn’t care about your feelings

Selfish people don’t care about anyone else, or their feelings either.

If your girlfriend rarely considers how you’re feeling, or at least, try to lift you up when you’re down, then she might be selfish.

There are no two ways about it.

I mean, let’s be honest:

A girlfriend is supposed to care for her boyfriend’s feelings. If you’re going through a hard time, she should be there for you to comfort you and make you feel better.

She shouldn’t be too busy with her own things to not notice that you’re upset.

If your girlfriend doesn’t care about when you’re going through something challenging, then you should be concerned.

In a committed relationship, you’re meant to support each other through thick and thin.

11) She’s always late and doesn’t apologize

When you’re going out with your girlfriend, do you have to wait for her?

If she’s always late, then it’s probably because she has no regard for your time.

A person who cares about others will be punctual, especially with their partner.

If you’re always waiting on her while hanging out with your friends or family, it’s probably because she doesn’t respect you.

She might even make excuses for being late, but in reality, you know they’re not genuine.

This is a classic sign of selfish behavior, and you need to let her know that’s not okay to keep you waiting all the time.

After all, you’re a man with things to do and places to go!

12) She gets jealous easily

If your girlfriend is constantly jealous, it’s definitely because she cares more about herself than others.

It shows that she thinks that you should be with no one but her.

She probably thinks that if you’re spending time with someone other than her, it means you’re not thinking about her at all.

She is probably going to be very insecure if you go out with your friends or family and don’t tell her where you are every single second of the day.

This is because selfish people like to be in control. She doesn’t want you doing things without her approval.

While you might think it’s sweet that she wants to know where you are 24/7, it can become too controlling and you don’t have any freedom to live your life the way you want.

If you’re having real problems with your girlfriend and she gets jealous on a regular basis, it might be because she’s selfish, controlling, and possessive.

These are red flags that you need to watch out for.

13) She never admits her mistakes and blames you for everything

According to Darlene Ouimet, selfish and manipulative people simply don’t question themselves:

“Controllers, abusers, and manipulative people don’t question themselves. They don’t ask themselves if the problem is them. They always say the problem is someone else.”

If your girlfriend is always blaming you for everything and never admitting when she’s wrong, it’s definitely because she’s not taking responsibility for her life and she’s selfish.

A girlfriend shouldn’t put the blame on her boyfriend, especially when he has done nothing wrong. She will make up excuses and get in fights with you when she’s wrong.

You’ll be dragged into a world of drama that will cause more harm than good to your relationship.

You might have a selfish girlfriend if she always blames you for everything and never admits when she’s wrong.

14) She doesn’t have any interest in your hobbies and interests

Do you have to tell your girlfriend about your hobbies and interests?

If she doesn’t care about you, then she probably won’t show any interest in your hobbies and interests.

If she rarely listens when you tell her about things that are important to you, then that’s not a good sign.

In any healthy relationship, you at least take the time to listen to what your partner is passionate about.

But if your girlfriend can’t even do that, then it shows where her priorities really are.

15) She thinks that her problems are more important than yours

If your girlfriend thinks that her problems are more important than yours, then it’s probably because she only thinks about life from her own perspective.

In fact, she might even using “gaslighting” to make you feel bad.

This means that when you bring up a problem, then conceive of a bigger problem in her life to take attention away from yours.

She might even bring up the topic of breaking up with you when you’re not expecting it.

She might even make fun of your problems if they’re not as serious as hers.

These are bad signs of a selfish girlfriend, and it’s certainly not okay to play with your partner’s emotions like that.

16) She doesn’t have any integrity

Being selfish is the opposite of acting with integrity.

You might have a selfish girlfriend if she’s not honest, doesn’t keep her promises, and doesn’t care about others.

If she can’t be trusted and doesn’t care about other people’s feelings, then it’s probably because she’s selfish.

17) She can never be wrong about anything

A selfish person never admits they’re wrong.

They’ll even make excuses to justify their actions, even if those justifications are clearly without merit.

The bottom line is this:

It’s important to be honest and admit your mistakes because it shows you care about the people around you enough to not lie to them and hurt their feelings by telling them lies.

When your girlfriend is always telling you she’s right, it probably means she thinks she’s better than everyone else.

She might even make a mountain out of a molehill just so that she can be right about something that doesn’t even matter.

Not only does this show that she has a big ego, but that she thinks she is higher class and smarter than everyone else.

18) You feel like you’re always having to ‘baby’ or rescue her

A selfish girlfriend never thinks about your feelings.

She doesn’t care about your problems and feelings, even if she’s the reason for them.

When you’re together with her, she might make you feel like she’s helpless or incapable of doing things on her own because she doesn’t want to do anything for herself.

Your job is to baby and pamper her, because that’s the only thing that matters to her.

19) She always wants to be the center of attention

If your girlfriend is always the center of attention, it’s probably because she likes to be in the spotlight.

She might boast about herself or even show off.

She’ll do anything just to get the attention of other people because she thinks that she deserves all of it.

She’ll even call up her friends and brag about her achievements so that everyone will pay attention to her.

It doesn’t matter if you’re with her friends or family, as long as someone is around for her to brag about herself.

20) She puts down other people so she can feel better about herself

You should also keep an eye out for your girlfriend if she puts down other people to feel better about herself.

A person who is selfish would never want other people to feel better about themselves than her.

It’s the reason why she’ll do anything just to make herself feel better, even if it means putting someone else down to do so.

She’ll say that other people aren’t as smart as her or even claim that she’s more beautiful than them.

She might even claim that you’re not as attractive as her because it makes her feel good about herself.

This gives her the feeling of power and control in the relationship.

21) She can’t take responsibility for her actions

Nowadays, a lot of people would try to talk their way out of taking responsibility for their actions.

If you think your girlfriend is one of those people, then she might be selfish.

If you both are having a fight, she would try to put all the blame on you and not even consider how she contributed to the situation.

Blaming her whole mistake on someone else is a clear sign that she’s selfish.

You might have a selfish girlfriend if she blames everything on someone else and never admits that it might be her fault too.

22) She only showers you with attention when she needs something from you

When we say attention, it includes affection and love.

If she only showers you with attention when she needs something from you or if she reads your text messages to check if there’s any communication between you and other girls, then it’s time to be worried.

She might suddenly disappear for long periods of time or act like she doesn’t have time for herself.

A person who doesn’t care much about themselves will also not care much about how they affect others.

That’s why they’ll do things that don’t consider others’ feelings.

If you have a selfish girlfriend, then she’ll only be willing to do nice things that benefit her.

She’ll want to do things because she recognizes that there will be something in it for herself.

That’s not a great way to live life, and if you’re not careful, this attitude might rub off on you over time as well.

23) She’s a narcissist

Narcissists, by definition, tend to be pretty selfish. They only care about themselves, and they project this mentality onto their boyfriends and girlfriends as well.

If your girlfriend is acting like a narcissist, she’s probably more concerned about her own happiness than your feelings.

She’s going to be sure that she gets what she wants no matter who it hurts.

If you’re dating a girl who acts like a narcissist, you shouldn’t be surprised if she starts treating you like trash when you least expect it.

According to F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W. in Psychology Today:

“Books have been written about narcissism, “Generation Me,” even “healthy” selfishness. But when someone you have to deal with regularly is consistently self-involved and self-centered, they can make your life miserable.”

According to Art Markman, Ph.D., professor of psychology, narcissists and psychopaths “tend to be quite selfish and manipulative”.



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Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the editor of Ideapod and founder of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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