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17 signs you’re an alpha female and most men find you intimidating

These days it’s easy to spot an independent woman walking down the street. She holds her head a little higher and she has a certain air about her when she walks.

It’s because she is making her own way in the world, and even if she is attached to a man, she’s not attached to his hip.

She knows how to get what she wants and everyone around her admires her for that – including any man lucky enough to be in her life.

Wondering if you are really just an Alpha Female and not a dominate b*tch others would have you believe you are?

Here’s a list of 17 ways to tell you are, in fact, an Alpha Female.

1) You Don’t Go Looking for Attention. It Goes Looking For You.

Wherever you go, people flock to you like moths to a flame.

You are never alone and don’t worry about traveling by yourself or walking into a room by yourself because it won’t be but a minute before someone is drawn to your charisma and talks to you.

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According to bestselling author and behavioral investigator, Vanessa Van Edwards it’s because alpha females are “social lubrication and business mediators.”

She explains:

“They bring social ease to a group, they tell jokes, they start conversations, they introduce people, they smooth over business disagreements and take charge.

“As leaders, this drives most females to use their influence to connect other people, making them the glue that holds groups together.”

Plus, you aren’t afraid to be alone or strike up a conversation so you are happy to fly solo whenever the occasion calls for it.

2) You Get What You Want.

You don’t have to wait very long for the things you want in life because you aren’t waiting around for someone to bring them into your life. You decide what you want and you get to work creating it. It’s the thing that sets you apart from the people around you.

There is nothing you couldn’t have because you are more than willing to put the work in to make that dream a reality.

3) Every Song About Being An Independent Woman is Basically About You.

There’s no doubt that you are what Alpha Female is all about. You can take care of yourself and don’t need a man on your hip.

It’s nice to be in a relationship, but your guy has got to understand that you’ve made your way in life this far, you can go the rest of it alone too if need be.

Any guy who is going to be with you needs to have his life together too.

4) You’ve Got Your Sh*t Together and Nobody Questions That.

All your friends want to know your secret. They are constantly in awe of how you do what you do, and you aren’t even breaking a sweat. You’re operating in first gear most of the time and still knocking home runs out of the park.

The truth is, alpha women are just naturally good at what they do.

According to leadership consultant and licensed medical doctor Gabriela Cora:

“Alpha females have intrinsic characteristics—aside from being competitive, controlling, and more aggressive, they are also born healthier, more energetic, and more resilient.”

You know your potential and have figured out how to bring your dreams to life without killing yourself to do it.

5) You Can Shift Gears on the Fly.

Some of your best work has been done during stressful times or working toward a deadline. You can dance with the best of them, but make no mistake: you are always leading the way in whatever it is you are doing.

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Others clear paths for you because they want to see what you will achieve and they want to take the opportunity to learn from you.

6) Ain’t Nobody Going to Hold You Down.

Sure, there are lots of haters, but you don’t care. You are way too busy building your empire and being awesome to worry about the people who don’t want to cheer you on. There’s no shortage of hate out there so you like to spread around the love.

You are happy to help someone who is happy to help themselves in the process, but you don’t let anyone drag you down to their level of negativity and discontent.

7) You’re the Glue That Binds You And Your Friends.

If you aren’t going to make it to dinner, then dinner is off. Your friends don’t hang out without you because they need you in the group to keep the conversation going and bring some life to the dinner, or drinks, or whatever it is you are going to be doing together.

You’re just a natural leader. People always seem to come to you for guidance.

A 2010 study published in the Sage Journals explored how to “define” an alpha female’s various traits.

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The researchers looked at qualities like emotional intelligence, confidence, gender ideals, and extroversion. They found that alpha females naturally embrace leadership roles and are drawn by it. 

You are the one that people all turn to for advice, help, and insight into their own lives, and they wouldn’t dream of hanging out without the one they all like.

8) You Are Happy to Say When You’ve Made a Mistake.

You are so confident in your abilities that you are not afraid to say when you’ve messed up. You recognize the learning that is possible because of the situation and you go on to pick your socks up without skipping a beat.

Some might criticize you for your choices, but you are already too busy making new choices to care.

9) You Don’t Put Up With Terrible People.

There’s no room in your life for someone who doesn’t respect you or your time. If someone is rude or mean to you, they don’t get to live in your presence much longer.

You are happy to disconnect from people who don’t get you and what you are all about.

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10) You Aren’t Intimidated By Anything.

People, places, things, money, opportunities: these are all just part of your life and none of it scares you. You have your own back and know that there’s nothing you can’t achieve if you put your mind to it.

Dr. Cora explains:

“Alphas can get themselves into more stressful situations by virtue of being more dominant and on the front lines at all times, which in turn make them more vulnerable to personal attacks. Alphas get to have more head-to-head physical, emotional, and intellectual confrontations.

Their innate ability to endure frontal assaults may exceed others’ genetic capabilities to sustain stress itself.”

If you aren’t bothered by things normal people get stressed with, you’re definitely an alpha female.

11) You Show No Fear. 

You have an incredible ability to contain fear in the face of danger, frustration, ignorance, and even threats.

Alpha females have an innate ability to transform into someone who can move mountains if the situation calls for it.

Your ability to put yourself in front of danger to protect those around you is unlike anything else on earth.

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So if you’ve got her head held high and you’re heading into a situation that most would cower away from, you know you’re an alpha woman.

12) You’re Tuned Into Your Emotional Intelligence. 

Alpha women are not only strong physically and mentally, but they are wise to and tuned into their own emotional intelligence.

Contrary to popular belief, alpha women aren’t aggressive because they want to be. They’re only assertive when they need to be.

Emotional intelligence is a hyper-awareness of one’s self and when you are tapped into that magical resource, you can make it through anything.

Where weaker people might fall on their knees and give up, you understand the desired outcome of a difficult situation and assigns the appropriate thoughts and feelings to get the job done.

Dr. Cora says:

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“An alpha who has trained herself—yes, even alphas can be trained—to be more flexible, inclusive, and collaborative will be wise to choose when to be more direct and dominant, as compared to when to be more cooperative and open to alternatives.”

You’re not a slave to your emotions. You’re the master.

13) You’re Always Learning.

Women who are of the Alpha variety are always working to up their game. When you see a woman with her head buried in a book instead of her phone, you know she’s got a grip on her life.

Women who make time to better themselves are more likely to be better. Being successful doesn’t get left to chance and you know that.

In fact, a study from Walden University called “Leadership Influences of the Veteran Alpha Female Leader” found that veteran alpha females are commonly inclined to continuous learning.

The study’s author, Danielle J. Moncrief wrote:

“The findings indicated that although alpha qualities can emerge early, most attributes take time to develop.

“Seeking opportunities and ongoing mentoring influenced leader experiences and contributed to success and leadership duration”

Whether learning through formal education or through hard-knock life lessons, you can bet that you’re taking notes through it all and making sure that you emerge from the situation better than when you went in.

14) You Can Hold Your Own in a Room of Men.

Alpha women don’t have to stick out their chest and stomp their feet – the way some men do when they are trying to dominate the room.


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It’s harder for women to show their strength, especially because they have to put up with societal norms of how a woman should act.

Dr. Cora explains:

“Societal expectations that a woman should find consensus at all cost, be nice, and collegial, conflicts many women in the workplace.

“Wanting to be liked and be accepted by the group adds to the internal turmoil of being proactive when wanting a position while continuing to be perceived as a team-player.”

However, alpha women can confidently, and quietly, hold their own in a room full of men and not think twice about dropping her hat in the ring if the conversation is worthy of her attention.

Alpha males are often boastful and arrogant. You’re not always standing on the chairs to get the attention of others.

You say what you mean and mean what you say and make sure to talk to the right people at the right time.

15) You’re too ambitious – according to some.

A lot of Alpha women get a bad reputation because others decide that she’s too aggressive or ambitious.

Women who want more than a baby hanging off their boob tend to be seen as masculine and out of place.

If you haven’t gotten the memo, this isn’t 1950 and women are doing some pretty amazing things.

It’s really only a matter of time before the world wakes up and realizes that if you want to get anything done, you need a woman on your team.

16) She’s a Champion For Her Family.

Women who identify as Alphas are fiercely independent, but that doesn’t mean that they have forgotten where they come from and look down on those who supported them throughout life.

One study published in the Journal of Leadership Education found that alpha women value their family relationships highly.

According to the study’s researchers:

“The strong base that family empowerment and support gave them served to pay dividends in
the college environment.

Not only did Alpha Females have a nurturing environment, but they also had role models that taught them that being female was either a non-issue or an advantage.”

Alpha women are strong and independent because of their family. You champion them and their mission in life and will be there at a moment’s notice if they should come calling.

This does not make you weak; it makes you loyal.

17) You’re a Force to be Reckoned With.

If you find yourself in the presence of an Alpha woman, be sure to give her some space.

She changes her mind on a dime and isn’t afraid to go off into the sunset alone.

You get things done and you don’t need anyone’s permission to move forward in life.

You’re a force of nature and sure to make the world a better place because of it.

On the other hand, here are 9 things that an alpha female seeks in a partner

how to tell if someone is highly intelligentAlpha women are strong, independent, and more importantly, starting to stand their own ground.

In days gone by, women were encouraged to let the man step in and take over, run the business, change the oil in the car, and take care of the finances.

Can you imagine? Neither can we. But our mothers and their mothers lived like that for years.

These days, alpha women are bursting at the seams and are making headway in running the world.

But they aren’t without their desires: alpha women desire to be in relationships too.

But, on their terms.

If you are an alpha woman who is looking for love, here are some things you need to look for so that your new partner doesn’t become a project.

1) A challenge.

Your partner should provide you with many challenges to keep you on your toes without tying up your precious time.

This means they shouldn’t add to your workload. They should be able to challenge you, but not be challenging.

They don’t need to be confrontational, but they should be able to point out things that aren’t going well and vice versa.

2) Opportunity to grow.

A great partner for an alpha woman is someone who gives you the space to do your own thing without fear that you are going to leave them behind.

In other words, don’t date guys who are super insecure and jealous. That’s the last thing you need. A man needs to be able to handle your confidence and growth plans.

3) Balance.

Your man is going to have his act together. This doesn’t mean he needs to be rich and has four properties around the globe, but he does need to have a job or another means to support himself.

You aren’t about to take on a dependant to bring down your independent lifestyle. Make sure he’s got his stuff balanced and he’ll add balance to yours.

4) Give-and-take.

Like any good relationship, each partner has to give and take at times. As an alpha, you may be used to doing your own thing, but you are capable of giving in when you need to.

He also needs to be able to do that. Admitting when you are wrong, showing up for each other when it’s needed and trying to find the good in the bad times is going to go a long way for you both.

Guys how can do that are worth hanging on to.

5) Confidence.

Your man needs confidence. Hello? Have you seen you? Have you seen your bank account?

He can’t be hanging around feeling bad for himself while you are out there taking on the entire world and looking like a million bucks while you are at it.

Don’t let his lack of self-confidence hold you back. Make sure your guy can fly on his own and is cool with you flying on your own.

6) Trust.

Your guy is going to have to trust you. There’s no room for ego in this relationship. You don’t have time to make him feel secure – he needs to just show up feeling like you’ve both got this.

When you are looking for someone to share your life with, make sure he can hold his own and doesn’t look to you to provide that sense of stability for him.

7) Independence.

Heading out with the girls? What’s your guy doing? If he’s a sad sack on the couch because you are leaving for the night, this relationship is probably not going to work.

Soon, you’ll start to feel the guilt of leaving him behind and nobody needs that. As an alpha woman, you need a guy who is confident enough to just get up and go when he wants too.

8) Authenticity.

He better be real. A guy who is going to get with an alpha woman is going to have to be vulnerable as well as strong, honest, trustworthy, and willing to show his deeper side.

Alpha women, as you know, are very tuned into their thoughts and feelings and in order to continue to create the best environment for that truth, your partner needs to be authentic and upfront about who he is and what he wants.

9) Real expectations.

No relationship is perfect, but your guy had better realize that you have places to go and people to see. You weren’t born with this guy on your hip and you won’t die with him on it either.

Women who are alphas need to be in relationships with guys who can not only recognize your independence but respect it and love you for it.

10) You may consider a beta mate.

Biologically, two alphas usually clash in the same space. This is probably why you should consider a more beta mate.

According to psychotherapist Dr. Sonya Rhodes:

“Funny, strong, independent, and comfortable in her own skin, the Alpha believes in herself—but has some blind spots. She assumes that as an Alpha female she should be partnered with an Alpha male.

“The problem is, two Alphas will tend to compete for power and dominance. I believe that Alpha women can learn to envision themselves as the Alpha in a relationship with a Beta man, who just might make the best fit.”

A beta mate isn’t weaker in any sense. And it doesn’t mean you’ll lack for a challenge either. They just perform different roles than you do, which could contribute to a more harmonious partnership.

In Conclusion

alpha female

Alpha women are not a rare breed. They seem like they are because women are made to feel small about how powerful they are and many women who could take on the world in fine style hold back and reduce their presence to one that is less visible.

That’s why when you come across a woman who is standing tall and owning the space she occupies, you know she’s an Alpha Woman.

NOW READ: 10 reasons most men can’t handle a deep woman

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Notable replies

  1. Although this article is written in a positive light and absolutely spot on, I’m annoyed that there are pop up banner ads for another article called “#1 Reason Men Pull Away” or “Why Men Leave Women” woven into this one. Let’s subtly make strong women question themselves?
    Come on Ideapod.com - REALLY? You‘ve got to be f’ing kidding me.

  2. Glad you found this article useful.

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  3. ACD says:

    This seems to me to be an example of male chauvinist condescension. Imagine a white person writing this about a black person.

  4. ACD says:

    “… Maryellen MacGuigan had the audacity to ask: ‘Is Woman a Question?,’ and if so, why ? Why, she wondered ‘does [woman] present a special problem to the philosopher, over and above the general questions that must be dealt with in the treatment of human reality as such?’ … truly living the life of the mind meant figuring out how to take up residence in a mind of one’s own. Already in 1949, Simone de Beauvoir showed them just how hard this would be. In The Second Sex , she explained how woman had been made the Other to man’s normativity, with disastrous consequences for her intellectual autonomy and moral authority… As if responding directly to a wisdom-claim attributed to Aristotle—‘knowing yourself is the beginning of wisdom’—artist Barbara Kruger helped make unmistakable the implications of de Beauvoir’s existentialism. She fired back in 1982 with a shot that punctured the hidden ‘masculinist’ conceit of this affirmation. Perhaps self-knowledge for a woman in a culture that doesn’t truly know women may not even be possible:‘You are not yourself[.]’ … when we speak in the first person, we speak with multiple voices, and sometimes the voice of a culture unable or unwilling to see us.”

    Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. ~ Carl Jung

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Written by Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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