10 things in life you should never tell anyone, according to psychology

For years, I carried the weight of secrets, confessions, and stories that only seemed to burden me further.

You know what they are:

– Sensitive personal issues

– Past mistakes

– Future anxieties

– Deep-seated fears.

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit, and I’ve always been fascinated with psychology. But it wasn’t until a few years ago, when I found myself feeling stuck and overwhelmed by the things I was sharing with others, that I really dived into it.

The worst part was, I couldn’t understand why. Why was it that sharing these things – things that were supposed to make me feel lighter – only made me feel heavier?

What was supposed to be cathartic just left me feeling exposed and vulnerable. It felt like I was running in circles.

Then, it hit me. I wasn’t being selective about what I shared and with whom. Not everything is meant to be shared. And psychology agrees with this.

In this article, I’m going to share with you the 10 things in life you should never tell anyone, according to psychology. My hope is that they can help you navigate through life with a little more ease and a lot less unnecessary burden.

Let’s dive in.

1. Your deepest fears

Psychology suggests that sharing your deepest fears can often leave you feeling more vulnerable than relieved.

It may seem counterintuitive, especially when we’re often told that sharing our fears can help us overcome them. But in my experience, I found that it wasn’t always the case.

There was a time when I freely shared my fears with others, thinking that it would help me confront them. Instead, I ended up feeling more exposed and anxious.

The problem was that my fears were deeply personal, and sharing them felt like giving others a roadmap to my vulnerabilities.

What I’ve learned is that it’s not about keeping your fears bottled up inside, but being selective about who you share them with. You need to make sure you’re sharing with someone who can truly empathize and provide meaningful support, rather than leaving you feeling more exposed.

And sometimes, the person who best fits that bill is a trained professional. A psychologist or a counselor can provide the safe space you need to confront and deal with your fears.

So the next time you feel the urge to spill your deepest fears to anyone who’ll listen, pause for a moment. Consider if sharing will truly help you confront your fear or just leave you feeling more vulnerable.

2. Your past mistakes

Another thing that psychology advises us to be cautious about sharing are our past mistakes.

I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve made some blunders in my life. Some were trivial, others not so much.

For a while, I used to share these mistakes freely, thinking it was a way of acknowledging and learning from them. However, instead of feeling liberated, I found myself reliving those moments, trapped in a cycle of guilt and regret.

That’s when I came across a quote by the renowned psychologist Carl Jung: “We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.”

This quote resonated with me deeply. My constant sharing wasn’t helping me accept my past; instead, it felt more like self-condemnation.

Now, I’m not saying you should deny or ignore your past mistakes. They are a part of you and have shaped who you are today. But sharing them indiscriminately can sometimes prevent us from moving forward.

It’s important to remember that everyone makes mistakes. It’s how we grow and learn. But constantly dwelling on them by repeatedly sharing can perpetuate feelings of guilt and regret.

The key is to accept your past mistakes, learn from them, and then let them go. This is what truly liberates us and allows us to move forward.

3. Your financial status

Money is often a touchy subject, and according to psychology, it’s one of the things you should be careful about sharing.

I recall a time when I had just started Hack Spirit. Funds were tight, and I was constantly worried about making ends meet. In my distress, I freely shared my financial woes with anyone who would listen.

In hindsight, this was not the best move. Instead of finding relief, I felt a sense of shame and embarrassment. I also noticed a shift in how some people perceived and interacted with me.

Sharing your financial status, whether you’re struggling or wealthy, can often lead to discomfort, judgment, or even envy. It can change the dynamics of your relationships in ways you hadn’t anticipated.

Financial matters are personal. It’s okay to seek advice from trusted individuals or professionals when needed, but broadcasting your financial status to everyone can lead to more harm than good.

The lesson here is simple: money matters are best kept private. It not only saves you from unnecessary judgment but also helps maintain the harmony in your relationships.

4. Your personal conflicts

Personal conflicts can be incredibly draining. It’s natural to want to vent, to get it all out. However, psychology suggests that we should be cautious about who we share these conflicts with.

A few years back, I was in the middle of a heated disagreement with a close friend. In the heat of the moment, I ended up sharing the details of our fight with several mutual friends.

The fallout was worse than I anticipated. Sides were picked, friendships strained; it was a mess.

Research backs this up too. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that sharing personal conflicts with mutual friends can lead to further complications and strain in your relationships.

The study suggests that discussing such conflicts can lead to negative perceptions of the person being talked about, even if the listener doesn’t directly convey it.

In retrospect, I realized that sharing personal conflicts, especially involving mutual friends or colleagues, can exacerbate the situation. It’s better to address conflicts directly with the person involved or seek advice from an unbiased third party if needed.

Remember, not all conflicts need an audience. Sometimes, they’re better resolved in private.

Source: “Third parties’ perceptions of the actor’s fairness in interpersonal conflict: The roles of interest, information, and influence.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2016.

5. Your family’s secrets

Family matters can be complicated and are often deeply personal. Psychology suggests that it’s generally not a good idea to share your family’s secrets or issues with others.

I remember a time when I disclosed a family issue to a friend. Although it felt good to get it off my chest at the moment, I later regretted it. My family’s privacy was violated, and it didn’t really solve the problem at hand.

Sharing your family’s secrets can lead to unwanted gossip and judgments. It can also put unnecessary strain on your relationships within the family.

While it’s important to have someone to confide in, especially in tough times, it’s equally important to respect the privacy of your family members. If you’re struggling with a family issue, consider seeking help from a counselor or a mental health professional.

Keep in mind that every family has its complexities. Sharing them indiscriminately may not only disrespect your loved ones’ privacy but also complicate matters further. It’s best to handle these issues within the family or with professional help if needed.

6. Your personal goals

It might seem counterintuitive, but psychology suggests that sharing your personal goals can sometimes be detrimental to your progress.

I remember when I first started Hack Spirit. I was brimming with excitement and shared my goals with almost everyone I knew. But instead of feeling motivated, I found myself losing steam.

That’s when I stumbled upon an insightful quote from the renowned psychologist Sigmund Freud: “People cannot stand too much reality.”

This quote struck a chord with me. I realized that by sharing my goals, I was prematurely experiencing a sense of accomplishment. This, in turn, was sapping my motivation to actually achieve those goals.

Research also suggests that when you share your goals, people’s reactions can give you a premature sense of completeness. You feel as if you’ve already accomplished something even when you haven’t.

Now, I’m not saying you should keep all your goals to yourself. It’s always good to have a support system. But be mindful about what you share and with whom.

Remember, it’s the achieving that counts, not just the declaring. Keep your eye on the prize and let your actions speak for themselves.

7. Your good deeds

Here’s something that might surprise you. According to psychology, sharing your good deeds can sometimes diminish their value.

I used to be quite vocal about the charitable work I did. I thought by sharing, I could inspire others to do the same. But over time, I noticed a shift in how people perceived my actions. Some started questioning my motives, wondering if I was doing good just for the recognition.

This is not to say that you should hide your acts of kindness. But constantly broadcasting them can lead others to question your sincerity.

This reminded me of a saying: “True charity is giving without expecting anything in return.”

So, the next time you do a good deed, try keeping it to yourself. You might find that the satisfaction you get from helping others is reward enough.

As a practical takeaway: The next time you donate to a charity or help someone in need, try doing it anonymously. Notice how it makes you feel. The joy of giving in secret can often be more fulfilling than any recognition.

Conclusion

Navigating through life can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope. Balancing what to share and what to keep to ourselves is not always easy. But with the insights from psychology, we can make more informed choices.

Remember, it’s not about keeping everything bottled up. It’s about being mindful of what you share, how you share it, and who you share it with.

So, here’s a practical piece of advice: The next time you’re about to share something personal, take a moment to pause and reflect. Ask yourself if sharing this information will benefit you and the person you’re sharing it with.

Life is a continuous journey of learning and growth. With each step, we become better at understanding ourselves and managing our relationships. And sometimes, the most important conversations are the ones we have with ourselves.

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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