10 signs you’re not in love, you just want to be in a relationship

Ever found yourself constantly daydreaming about romantic dates, sweet gestures, and relationship goals? But when it comes to the actual person, there seems to be something missing?

You may think you’re in love, but are you really?

The truth is, you might just be in love with the idea of being in a relationship, not the person you’re with.

Let’s dive into this tricky terrain and shed light on 10 signs that might indicate you’re not in love, but rather, pining for a relationship.

These are signs that might seem confusing, but can help understand your feelings better. Let’s explore.

1. You’re more in love with the idea than the person

Ever found yourself daydreaming about cute couple photos, cozy Netflix nights, and breakfast in bed? But when it comes to the actual person you’re with, there’s a certain disconnect?

This could be a sign that you’re not truly in love.

You might just be in love with the idea of being in a relationship more than the person you’re supposed to be in love with.

It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasies of cuddles, shared laughter, and Instagram-worthy moments. But when reality hits and you find yourself more attracted to these fantasies than your partner, it’s time to reassess.

A relationship involves two people, not one person and an idea.

When you catch yourself daydreaming about relationship goals, take a moment to consider if your feelings for your partner are as strong as your desire for a relationship.

2. Their flaws bother you

This one hits close to home for me. I once dated this guy who was charismatic, funny, and incredibly kind. Perfect on paper, right? But there was one thing that bothered me – his habit of being perpetually late.

At first, I brushed it off as a minor flaw. After all, nobody’s perfect. But as time went on, this ‘small’ trait started becoming a major annoyance. Every date, every meeting, he’d saunter in 15 to 30 minutes late and I’d be left waiting.

I realized I wasn’t in love with him; I just wanted the relationship. Because when you truly love someone, you accept their flaws as part of who they are. Sure, it might irk you occasionally but it wouldn’t make you question your feelings for them.

But in my case, this flaw was a deal-breaker for me and made me realize that I was more invested in the relationship status than the person I was with.

If you find yourself constantly frustrated by your partner’s flaws, it might be a sign that you’re not in love, but rather in love with being in a relationship.

3. You’re constantly comparing them to others

If you find yourself constantly looking at other couples and comparing your partner to others, it could be a sign that you’re not in love.

You might think things like, “Why can’t they be more romantic like John?” or “Why can’t they cook like Sarah?” Instead of appreciating your partner for who they are, you’re wishing they were more like someone else.

In a loving relationship, comparison doesn’t have a place. You appreciate and love your partner for their uniqueness and individuality, not because they tick off boxes on a list based on other people.

If you’re constantly comparing, it might be time to ask yourself if you’re truly in love or just in love with the idea of being in a relationship.

4. You’re not interested in their interests

When you’re in love, your partner’s interests often become interesting to you, simply because they matter to them. Research has even shown that couples who participate in each other’s hobbies have a stronger, healthier relationship.

But if you find yourself uninterested or even dismissive of what your partner enjoys, it might be a red flag.

Sure, you don’t have to love every single thing they do. But a complete lack of interest in their hobbies or passions could indicate that you’re more in love with the relationship status than the person you’re with.

Not because you necessarily enjoy them, but because they mean something to your partner.

5. You don’t see a future with them

When you’re truly in love, you can’t help but imagine a future with your partner. From planning holidays together to picturing growing old side by side, these thoughts come naturally when love is real.

But if you’re struggling to see a future with your partner, it might be a sign that you’re not in love.

You might enjoy their company now and like the idea of being in a relationship. But if thoughts of the future bring discomfort or uncertainty, it’s worth exploring these feelings.

Love is about more than just the present moment. It’s about seeing a potential lifetime with your partner and wanting to build that life together.

If this vision is lacking, it might mean that you’re more in love with the idea of a relationship than the person you’re with.

6. You avoid deep conversations

Deep conversations are the building blocks of any strong relationship. They allow you to connect with your partner on a deeper level, understand their thoughts, dreams and fears.

But if you find yourself avoiding these deep talks, it might be a sign that you’re not in love.

Perhaps the thought of discussing your feelings or future plans makes you uncomfortable. Or maybe you prefer to keep the conversation light and avoid opening up too much.

While it’s okay to enjoy casual chats, constantly avoiding meaningful conversation could mean that you’re more interested in maintaining the relationship status quo than truly connecting with your partner.

And that could be a sign that you’re not in love, but just want to be in a relationship.

7. You’re not their biggest cheerleader

When you’re in love, you become your partner’s biggest cheerleader. You celebrate their victories, no matter how small, and provide support during their struggles. Their happiness becomes your happiness.

But if you’re indifferent to their successes or failures, it might be a red flag that you’re not in love.

If your partner’s achievements don’t excite you, or if you find yourself feeling envious instead of proud, it could mean that your feelings aren’t rooted in love.

True love involves supporting and encouraging your partner. If this support is lacking, it might be time to consider if you’re really in love with them or just the idea of being in a relationship.

8. You don’t miss them when they’re gone

Couples who are truly in love often report a sense of missing each other when they’re apart, even for short periods. This longing to be together stems from the emotional bond they share.

If your partner is away and you don’t feel their absence, it could indicate that you’re not in love.

When you’re in love, your partner becomes a significant part of your life and their absence creates a void. If this void is missing when your partner is away, it might mean that your feelings are more about wanting a relationship than being in love with them.

9. You feel relief when plans are cancelled

I remember planning a weekend getaway with a past partner. The itinerary was set, bags were packed, but when the trip got cancelled last minute due to bad weather, I felt an unexpected sense of relief.

If you often find yourself feeling relieved when plans with your partner get cancelled, it could be a sign that you’re not in love.

When you’re truly in love, every moment spent with your partner is cherished, and any cancelled plans would normally cause disappointment, not relief.

10. You can’t imagine them being your best friend

At the heart of every great relationship, there’s a deep and abiding friendship. When you’re in love, your partner is not just your lover, but also your best friend.

If you can’t imagine your partner as your best friend, someone you can confide in, laugh with, and lean on during tough times, it’s a strong indication that you’re not in love.

A loving relationship goes beyond the romance and passion. It’s about friendship, companionship, and a deep emotional bond. If this is missing, it might be time to reassess your feelings.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the editor of Ideapod and founder of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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