Have you ever dreamed about your perfect wedding and the perfect person you’ll be saying ‘I do’ to?
We all have.
We grow up believing that we’ll find the perfect match, someone who gets us completely, shares our dreams, and makes us super happy.
But let’s be honest: there’s a good chance you’ll marry the ‘wrong’ person.
I don’t mean that your future partner will be a horrible person.
I’m saying they might not be the perfect picture you have in your head – and that’s totally fine.
In this article, I’ll share 10 reasons why you might end up marrying someone who isn’t exactly what you dreamed of, and why that could actually be a really good thing.
We’ll look at how we often have super high expectations for marriage, how people can surprise us in ways we never expected, and how finding beauty in the not-so-perfect can actually make your marriage stronger.
1: Unrealistic Expectations
We all grow up with certain ideas about what a perfect marriage should look like. Thanks to romantic movies, books, and societal pressure, we often believe that our spouse should be a superhero. They should be good-looking, smart, funny, caring, understanding, and rich – all at the same time. But let’s be real – finding someone who checks all these boxes is like looking for a unicorn!
The truth is, everyone has flaws. Your future spouse will definitely have some habits that annoy you or they might not be as romantic or funny as you’d hoped. But that’s okay. That doesn’t mean they’re the wrong person – it just means they’re human.
When we drop these sky-high expectations and accept people for who they are, we open ourselves up to real love. Love isn’t about finding someone who meets all your criteria; it’s about finding someone whose flaws you can live with. And let’s face it, you’re not perfect either – and that’s alright! It’s all about understanding and accepting each other’s imperfections.
2: People Change and That’s Okay
When we think about spending our life with someone, we often forget a simple truth – people change. The person you marry today might not be the same person 10 years down the line. They might pick up new hobbies, develop different interests or their personality might evolve over time. And that’s okay. It’s a part of life.
Think about it – have you remained the same over the last 5 years? Probably not. Just like you, your partner will grow and change too. But this change doesn’t mean you’ve married the ‘wrong’ person; it just means you’re both human and humans evolve.
Change can actually be really healthy in a marriage. It keeps things fresh, exciting and gives you a chance to fall in love with different versions of your partner over time. Sure, it can be challenging at times, but remember: growth often comes from challenges.
3: Embracing Imperfections
We’ve all heard the saying, “Nobody’s perfect.” Yet somehow, when it comes to our significant other, we often forget this universal truth. Let me share a personal example that might help you see things differently.
When I first met my significant other, I was head over heels in love. She was smart, funny and had the most infectious laugh. However, as we spent more time together, I started noticing her little quirks. She had a habit of leaving her coffee cups all over the house and would often forget to turn off the lights when leaving a room. At first, these habits slightly annoyed me – they weren’t part of my picture of the ‘perfect’ partner.
But then I realized something: I wasn’t perfect either. I had my own set of quirks that she had to put up with. I snored, sometimes forgot important dates, and had a tendency to leave my clothes lying around.
Instead of focusing on each other’s flaws, we decided to embrace them. It became a sort of inside joke between us. She would playfully tease me about my snoring and I would gently remind her about the lights. We learned to laugh about our imperfections instead of arguing over them.
What I’m trying to say here is that it’s okay if your significant other isn’t ‘perfect’. You don’t need to find someone who doesn’t have any flaws; instead, look for someone whose flaws you can accept with love and humor. Because at the end of the day, it’s these small quirks and imperfections that make us unique and loveable in our own ways.
4: Love is a Choice
Have you ever heard the phrase ‘Love is blind’? While it has a ring of truth to it, there’s a more accurate saying that you might find interesting. According to Dr. Robert Epstein, an American research psychologist, ‘Love is not blind – it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.’
What does that mean? Well, when we truly love someone, we become aware of their flaws and imperfections. But instead of focusing on these shortcomings, we choose to overlook them. Love is about seeing all these flaws and still choosing that person every single day.
Contrary to popular belief, love isn’t just a magical feeling that hits you out of the blue. It’s a choice – a commitment. It’s about choosing the same person again and again, even when things get tough.
5: The Beauty of Shared Experiences
Often when we imagine our ‘perfect’ partner, we focus on surface-level qualities. We want them to look a certain way, have a particular job, or possess certain traits. But as time goes on, you’ll find that it’s not these things that truly matter in a marriage. What really counts are the shared experiences – the journey you embark on together.
There’s a unique kind of beauty in growing together, learning together, and even making mistakes together. It’s in these shared moments – both good and bad – that you’ll find the real value of your relationship. It’s how you handle life’s challenges together, how you support each other through grief, or even how you laugh together over the silliest things.
These shared experiences build a bond that is much stronger than any idealized list of traits or qualities. They make your relationship uniquely yours – no one else will have the same set of experiences as you and your partner.
6: The Importance of Communication
Now, let me share something personal about my relationship. When I first got married, I assumed that my partner would always know what I was feeling. After all, we were in love and love is supposed to be this magical thing that makes you understand each other without words, right? But boy, was I wrong!
In the early years of our marriage, this lack of communication led to countless misunderstandings and needless arguments. It took me a while to realize that my partner wasn’t a mind-reader. I had to express my thoughts and feelings instead of expecting them to just ‘know’.
The day I started opening up about my feelings was the day our relationship truly began to blossom. Communication allowed us to understand each other better. It also made us realize that it’s perfectly okay to disagree on certain things. What mattered was that we were able to discuss our differences in a respectful manner.
From personal experience, I can tell you that communication is key in any relationship. Don’t expect your partner to guess your feelings or thoughts. Speak up, express yourself, and encourage them to do the same.
7: Accepting the Hard Truth
Alright, let’s cut to the chase. Marriage is hard. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies. There are going to be days when your partner drives you up the wall. Days when you might question why you even got married in the first place. Days when your ‘happily ever after’ seems more like a myth than a reality. And you know what? That’s perfectly normal.
Marriage is a commitment to stick together not just during the easy, lovey-dovey days, but also through the gloomy, tough ones. It’s about holding on even when the infatuation fades, and all that’s left is raw, unfiltered life with all its ups and downs.
You might have married someone who isn’t ‘perfect’, but guess what? You aren’t either. We’re all flawed humans trying to navigate this thing called life. There will be times when these flaws will clash and cause conflict. But it’s these conflicts that allow us to grow and learn.
8: The Illusion of ‘The One’
Did you know that the concept of ‘The One’ or a soulmate is largely a product of modern romance narratives and not based in reality? In fact, according to a study by the University of Michigan, holding on to the belief that there’s a soulmate out there for everyone can actually harm relationships more than help them.
The idea of ‘The One’ can make us believe that there’s a perfect person out there who will complete us. But here’s the hard truth: no one can complete you but yourself. Your partner can complement you, support you, love you, but they can’t fill in your missing pieces. That’s something only you can do.
Believing in ‘The One’ can also make us feel like our relationship is doomed to fail if we encounter any problems. After all, if they were truly ‘The One’, things should be smooth sailing, right? But that’s not how real life works. Every relationship has its share of problems. It’s how you handle these problems together that determines the strength of your bond.
9: Learning to Love
Now, here’s a little piece of my heart. When I first got married, I thought I knew everything there was to know about love. I thought love was all about grand gestures, passionate kisses, and never-ending romance. But as years rolled by, I realized that my understanding of love was, well, a bit shallow.
Real love wasn’t just about the big things; it was also about the tiny, seemingly insignificant moments. It was about my partner making me a cup of coffee just the way I like it. It was about those shared smiles over an inside joke. It was about holding hands in silence, feeling completely comfortable in each other’s presence.
I also learned that love wasn’t always easy. There were times when loving my partner meant forgiving her, even when I was hurt. It meant being patient with her, even when I was running out of patience with myself. It meant choosing her, every single day, even when things weren’t picture-perfect.
And you know what? This version of love was infinitely more beautiful and fulfilling than what I had imagined it to be.
10: Letting Go of Control
Here’s another truth: You can’t control everything in your life – especially not when it comes to relationships. You can’t control how your partner feels or acts. You can’t control every situation that life throws at you as a couple.
And this lack of control can be frustrating. We often want things to go our way, to fit into our perfect little plan. But life doesn’t work that way – it’s unpredictable and so are people.
Learning to let go of this need for control can actually be liberating. It allows you to accept things as they come, to adapt and grow with the changes instead of resisting them.
11: Understanding Love Takes Time
Last but not least, here’s probably the most important truth of all: understanding love takes time. Falling in love might happen in an instant, but truly understanding what it means to love someone is a lifelong journey.
It’s about learning to navigate through life together – through the good times and the bad. It’s about growing together, changing together, and sometimes, hurting together. It’s a process, and just like any process, it takes time.
So if you’re feeling like you’ve married the ‘wrong’ person because your understanding of love doesn’t match reality, give it some time. Love is not just a destination; it’s a journey. And every journey is different. Your journey will be different from mine or anyone else’s. And that’s what makes it so beautiful and unique.