How do you know if you’ve found the one?
Hmm, right. That’s a pretty fundamental question in life.
You may be in a relationship yourself and having some doubts if your partner is the one for you. Or you’re single and seeking the ultimate way to find your right match.
Either way, look no further.
Former monk and relationship expert Jay Shetty regularly posts videos with guidance on the key questions in life (check out his YouTube channel here). In this video he gives away his 10 top ways to knowing if you’ve found the one.
Ready to figure out the truth once and for all? Here we go!
1. Your partner respects and supports your dreams
This doesn’t mean that he or she will accomplish your goals for you, but it’s about respect for your priorities and your dreams in life.
Your partner doesn’t want to restrict you or hold you back — on the contrary, “he/she believes in your dreams as much as you do and wants to see you get there. He/she wants to see you grow genuinely”, Jay explains.
2. He/she is present with you in the moment
“I want to be around people who help me to forget about my phone. That’s the kind of person you want to be with. Someone who’s not distracted by their messages or their friends. When they’re with you, they’re with you. When they’re not really listening to what you’re saying, chances are they’re not the one”, Jay clarifies.
3. Your lover is self-aware and knows his/her self-worth
It’s important that your partner is independent and can grow on his or her own, Jay continues. They have their own friends and priorities. Some of them may match with yours, other don’t — that’s ok. Your partner is his/her own individual and isn’t relying on you to complete him or her.
On the contrary, “they want to grow with you and help you grow too”.
4. You trust each other
Ha, this is a tough one. You may have found out the hard way in the past.
Jay gives us his approach on trust: “It should be earned, not given upfront. Some people think that there is either trust, or no trust at all. I believe there are layers: no trust at the bottom, but then there’s step 1, 2, 3, 4, etcetera, which leads to unconditional trust.”
So don’t pressure yourself to trust your partner if you’re not fully there yet. Go step by step, let him or her earn your trust through their daily actions.
5. You don’t always need an external source to keep things fun
“If you feel that you always need an external thrill to keep things exciting and special between you two, it may be a sign that you’re not actually connecting with each other, but connecting with that other thing”, according to Jay.
6. You can spend time apart, but can’t wait to be back
It’s a good sign if you’re comfortable being apart, for example working or traveling in different parts of the world. You’re perfectly okay with not being around each other all the time.
But at the same time you’re looking forward to the moment you’ll be back together.
Jay shares some good advice with us: when you’re feeling frustrated about being apart, don’t take it out on your partner. You’ll actually ruin the thing you’re longing for! Find other ways to release or share your frustration, so your time together can be as magical as you’ve both been looking forward to.
7. You can disagree
Jay does away with a common opinion: that a good relationship means you have to agree on everything or like the same things.
Luckily, you can forget about this. With this expectation you’ll likely end up as a bachelor for life. And let’s be honest, how interesting would it be to live with a copy of yourself? A good relationship leaves room for differences and finding compromises that you both feel good with.
8. You don’t have to like each other’s friends
Ladies, it’s okay if you want to stay far away from his beer and pool nights.
Guys, don’t fuss if you’re not getting along with that hysterical BFF.
Jay acknowledges the pressure we feel to like each other’s friends and be liked by them. “The main thing is that you both get along, even if your friends with different circles of people. That doesn’t mean that you can’t be great together.”
9. You can be your real self
It’s almost a challenge in these social media times, but Jay points out you have to be able to be your true self around each other, and not be your Facebook or Instagram profile. “You can let go of all those identities and just be yourself.”
10. You fight in a healthy way
As paradoxical as this may sound, fighting is good for your relationship — at least when it happens in a positive way.
It’s a good sign “if you’re arguing not to defeat the other person, but to come to a healthy conclusion together. It’s a discussion rather than an argument.”
Have you found the one on basis of these questions?
Do you agree with them? Remember, we can disagree and still like each other!
We’d love to hear your opinion in the comments below.
If you’re looking for more inspiration from Jay Shetty, here you can check out his motivational videos.
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